FIFTY SHADES EVOLVING FRIENDSHIP vs LOVE
by Rose Grey
Summary: Christian is 22 Anastasia is 16; they meet the night Christian and Elena end. Christian is broken, angry and lost. Meeting Anastasia shocks him. It happens too fast. This young innocent, beauty has beguiled him. He doesn't do real relationships nor love; he only knows hurt. Not yet. Could they stand the test of time, or are they destined to only become friends. OC Please Review
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to EL James…this is my version of this wonderful story….**

Christian is 22, Anastasia is 16; they meet the night Christian and Elena end their relationship. Christian is broken, angry, hurt and feels guilty. He is lost. Meeting Anastasia shocks Christian. It happened too fast. This young innocent, beautiful, kind, funny and wise girl has beguiled him. He is not ready for a real relationship. He has to go through the 15 subs before he realizes what he really needs. For now all he could do is hurt her; not physically, but emotionally. Could their relationship stand the test of time? Or are they destined to only become friends? OC **Please Review **

**Chapter 1**

_A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are…_

I can't believe I fell and sprained my wrist. I am such a klutz, so freaking clumsy. I can't believe my dad made me come to the hospital. I know it's not broken. I've never had a broken bone, but I've been told the pain is excruciating. It does hurt a little bit…not enough to make me think it is broken.

Thinking back…today did start out as a wonderful day. I was trying to have a little bit of fun with my friends, I should have known better than to ride a skateboard. Jose and Ethan made it look so easy. I was doing great…well for about 10 seconds. That was before I made a complete fool of myself and landed on my wrist! For 10 seconds I was an expert…I was tripping and falling on the 11th & 12th second and breaking skin and hurting my wrist on the 14th and 15th second. It happened so fast, the end result was me landing on my wrist, scraping my knees and tearing my best looking jeans! Un-freaking-believable!

Kate called my dad. Of course he freaked out and rushed me to the hospital. I tried to protest and reassured him my wrist was just fine…to no avail. My words fell on deaf ears. I'm going to kill my best friend Katherine (Kate) Kavanagh! I begged her not to call him, but she also paid me no attention. She really never does. She freaked out, tried to kill her brother and Jose and was swearing like a truck driver. Her mouth was reckless. Wow, some of those words were even new to me…the wrath of Kate was unleashed I feel sorry for them. She usually gets like this whenever one of her loved ones were either hurt or in danger. In her eyes, I was both in danger by riding the skateboard and was hurt by the boys who allowed it.

Ethan and Jose were laughing at me instead of helping me. They thought I was faking. I crashed and burned…I literally burned my knees…I was mortified more than physically hurt and the two jerks just laughed. Feeling embarrassed, all I could do was cry. That set her off…the combination of my tears; the blood and the dirt set her off making her go after them like a raging bull. The cowards ran from her of course. The only thing that saved them was my tears. Kate could not abandon me; she tried to lift me up by grabbing my wrist, I cried, she panicked and called my dad…

"_Mr. Steele, thank god! Uh, this is Kate. I'm sorry to have to call you with really bad news and I'm really sorry…this was not my fault. My idiot brother and his friend Jose…well sir, they allowed Ana to get on a skateboard. We all know how clumsy she is and well sir…I think her wrist is broken. She is sitting on the floor crying with bumps and scrapes all over her elbows and knees, but the worst part is her wrist. Please sir hurry…I don't want her to die. She is my very best friend. Oh and Mr. Steele, don't worry about the boys…I'm personally going to torture both of them for the rest of their lives for hurting my BFF_." She was glaring at Jose and Ethan with eyes of a predator she was definitely stalking her next prey. Both had returned once they realized Kate was not chasing them and I was really hurt. Well hurt according to Kate. They were very apologetic and offered to carry me back to my dad's house.

Rolling my eyes and shaking my head I reassured them it really was not their fault. "_It's okay guys. I had fun for a few seconds. No need for apologies. It is quite funny if you really think about it." _They didn't buy it. They both look really, really nervous.

A few minutes later…my poor dad arrived. He has a look of despair on his face. "_Annie, sweetie, come here, let me take a look at you" _kneeling down and picking me up. He sits me on the hood of his car and begins to inspect my knees, my elbows and finally my wrist. Tightening his lips and shaking his head he picks up my chin and speaks to me very softly "_hmmm, Annie, I think your wrist might be broken, Kate was right to call me. Come on, I'm taking you to the hospital. Ethan and Jose, I've called both your parents, they will be here shortly. Kate, they said it would be okay for you to come to the hospital with us. Annie will need an x-ray and possibly a cast if it's broken. Having her best friend nearby will probably make her feel better."_ Nodding her head, she looks at me with unshed tears and in a trembling voice whispers "_yes, of course I'm coming with you. There is no way I'm letting Ana out of my sight again. I'm so sorry._" Shaking my head, I close my eyes and allow my dad to take me to the hospital. Jeez! Give me a break! It's only a few bumps and bruises!

So now, here we are waiting in the emergency room to be discharged. Just as I suspected, my wrist was not broken…it's just a little sprained. I have to wear a removable soft cast for a few days and should be good as new more sooner than later. We've been in the emergency room for several hours. Kate's parents came to get her since we both have school tomorrow and it was already close to midnight. I'm not going to school tomorrow; the doctor wants me to stay home and elevate my wrist for a day or so. He looks at my dad then turns to me and goes over my discharge instructions…

"_Anastasia, your wrist will heal in no time, but I want you to r__est__ your wrist for at least 48 hours.__Ice your wrist__ to reduce pain and swelling. Do it for 20-30 minutes every three to four hours for two to three days, or until the pain is gone.__ I've c__ompress__ the wrist with a bandage and a soft cast but I want you to e__levate your wrist above your heart,__ on a pillow or the back of a chair as often as you can.__ If you are in a lot of pain, t__ake anti-inflammatory painkillers__. Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), like Advil, Aleve, or Motrin which may be bought over the counter. This will help with pain and swelling. However, these drugs can have side effects, like an increased risk of bleeding and ulcers. They should be used only if you're in pain. _

_The use of the cast is__ to keep your wrist immobile. This should only be for a short time, until you see your regular doctor. Then follow the doctor's advice about whether or not to continue using a cast. We don't want to make it worst, using a cast/splint for too long can result in more stiffness and muscle weakness which we definitely do not want to happen. __Finally, practice stretching and strengthening exercises__ but only if your doctor recommends them. You should be good as new in a few weeks. Don't hesitate to come back if you begin to feel worse. Any questions?_" I can't help but to roll my eyes this makes him smile. _"No, I don't have any questions. Wait…I do…just one…am I allowed to leave?" _My dad furrows his brow and asks to speak to the doctor in private. Here we go again!

Shaking my head, I hop off the bed and decide to go to the vending machines to get a diet coke. I am tired and just want to go home. I'm also very thirsty and very hungry since I didn't eat dinner. Getting some caffeine in me will help control the hunger until I get home. I hate hospitals…they are always full of germs and sick people. I'm glad the ER is pretty empty.

Glancing around the waiting room I notice a sad pair of grey eyes staring at me. When our eyes meet, I feel a shudder go through me. What was that? I smile at him, I don't know why. This is a complete stranger but for some reason I feel an instant pull gravitating me towards him. I can't take my eyes off of him. He is staring at me and I see a hint of a smirk on the corner of his mouth. He is trying to hold in his smile. This guy is gorgeous; he must be 19 or 20 years old. Copper messy hair, full lips, dimples, hot body, and the most perfect face I've ever seen in the world! He is really hot! The type of guy that woman would die for. If I was brave enough to date…this hunk of burning love would be my type and my first choice. He definitely would be.

Get a grip Steele! I am practically drooling over him. Clearing my throat I turn away from him and concentrate on the task at hand…getting my drink. My hands are shaking; I really don't know why he is making me feel this way. I drop the dollar on the floor. Great! I can't bend down because both my knees are hurting. Checking my purse for another dollar is useless; I only have a 20 and a 10. The drink costs two dollars, ugh! Could this day get any better, I was it to just end already? I don't have any more change for the machine. "_Fuck! What a day!_" I usually don't swear, but I am so fed up with this day and could careless since there really is nobody within earshot to hear me. Sighing deeply, I attempt to squat, but feel the pulling of my skin on both knees. This is hopeless.

All of a sudden, I am startled by a beautiful voice. I feel him before I hear him…"_Tsk, tsk, tsk, my, my, such a filthy mouth for someone so young. You need to be spanked and your mouth to be washed with soap and water."_ His whispers into my ear, this results in me getting goose bumps throughout my entire body. Who the hell is this guy? Why is my stupid, treacherous body acting this way? What the hell did he mean spanking and washing my mouth with soap and water? Is he fucking kidding me? He is not my father! How did he hear me? Was he standing behind me? I know my cheeks are crimson red. I turn around and come face to face with Mr. Drop Dead Gorgeous up close and personal.

He smirks then takes out two dollars and inserts them into the vending machine. He does not move his gaze; he continues to see right through me with those gorgeous eyes. I am mesmerized. He smiles and again whispers "_Breathe baby." _Shit! I didn't know I was holding my breath. Laughing a little he shakes his head and points towards the vending machine. "_What would you like Ms.?"_ Waiting for my answer he stops speaking. Oh my god…I've never felt like this before. Why does my stomach feel funny? I have to swallow before speaking since the cats got my tongue… "_Steele, Anastasia Steele. Just call me Ana…and you…I want you." _Shit did I just say that out loud? What is wrong with me!

He smiles and shakes his head again; he heard me and now knows what he's doing to me. This perfect stranger is making me weak at the knees. I don't have the strength to pick myself up if I fall. "_I meant_ _what would you like from the vending machine, Ms. Anastasia Steele?_" I bite my bottom lip oh my god, his voice, is so sexy.

Suddenly I hear a voice in my head and see my inner goddess checking out this Adonis in front of me._** Speak you idiot! **_Of course she makes her first appearance at the worst possible time_**. Look this cutie is speaking to you and all you could do is stand there like a statue, gawking at him and telling him you want him. What a loser! You're so pathetic! Pick your jaw up from the floor and speak! **_Her angry outburst wakes me up from my stupor; I take a deep breath and finally speak "_A diet coke will be fine. Thank you_. _Mr.?"_

"_Grey, Christian Grey_." Of course his name is _**Grey**_…those eyes are a gorgeous grey…a perfect name for a perfect man. _**Uh you're doing it again Ana! Snap out of it! He is so out of your league**_! I really don't like my inner goddess; she is such a crude bitch!

He hands me the soda and I try to reciprocate by giving him the 10 dollar bill. "_Here I don't have any change. It's okay though…you could keep the change._" He chuckles, shakes his head and bends down to pick up the other dollar from the floor. He doesn't get up immediately. He is so close to my body, I could smell him and he smells divine. He looks at my knees, my wrist and my elbow and then slowly stands up invading my personal space. Looking in the eyes, he is admiring my features, my nose, my cheeks, my hair, my jaw and finally stops at my lips. He smiles again and hands me the second bill, cupping my hand and keeping it in his. "_Sweetheart, I don't need your money. This drink is on me beautiful. I insist. Seems like you had a real bad fall. What happened?"_ I feel the blush.

I unconsciously bite my lip, I can't tell him I'm a klutz that's too embarrassing. He looks at my lips and frowns. Shaking his head, he runs his fingers through his hair then moves away from me putting some needed distance between us.

He grabs his jacket, curses to himself and walks towards the hospital's emergency room exit. I'm still staring at him, he must have felt it. He stops, glimpses at me briefly looks at my wrist, shakes his head, and mumbles something I could not hear before walking away angry this time.

Whoa! What just happened? Is he mad at me? Why did he get so angry with me? Who the hell is he? And mostly why do I even care? But I need answers. My feet are moving without my knowledge. I follow him outside and find him sitting on a bench right outside the emergency entrance looking so sad. Why am I following a stranger? My dad is going to kill me! He's still speaking with the doctor discussing my x-rays so I have a few minutes. I can't help it. I need to speak to Mr. Grey.

His elbows are on his lap and his head is resting on both hands. Eyes closed and a look of somber is on his face. Why does he look so sad? I am so anxious, but I am drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I have a strange need to comfort him. His body tenses up immediately, I think he feels me getting closer. He glances up quickly, shakes his head than buries it into his hands again growling. "_Christian? Are you okay? Why do you look so sad_?" He doesn't answer me just shakes his head again while continuing to look down at the floor, not acknowledging me. I have this overwhelming urge to touch him and comfort him. I reach out and run my fingers through his hair. He inhales and looks up like I just hit him.

"_What are you doing? Why are you out here little girl_? _Go back inside. You really should not be talking to strange men. I could be dangerous, a serial killer luring you out here to kill you. Haven't you ever heard of stranger danger? Go away! Go back to your daddy_!" Why is he yelling at me…wait…why do his eyes look so sad? For some reason I'm able to see right through the façade; pretending to be dangerous or angry at me when the fact is he is really sad and lonely. This breaks my heart, but he's also managed to piss me off since he's acting like such a jerk! I roll my eyes, frown and sarcastically respond to his little girl comment...

"_Give me a break! A serial killer really! That's the best you've got! Oh and little girl? I Sir am NOT a little girl! I will be turning 17 years old in a few days. I am a senior in High School, I work and earn my very own money and I come and go as I wish! Besides, t__he age at which a person is considered an adult varies significantly in different countries of the world. It depends upon what constitutes being an adult. If you want me to get technical and explain it to you further, most countries look to the age at which children can legally work, marry, vote, buy alcohol, be drafted, or be charged with a crime, as the adult age. I've been able to legally work since 14, I could get married since I was 16 and if I commit a crime, I may be charged as an adult! Being drafted or buying alcohol will have to wait until I'm 18 and that's just fine with me, since I don't have the urge to get drunk or go to the military anytime soon! _

_So I ask that you refrain from insulting me and making me feel like an errant child! I just wanted to know if you were okay. You did something nice for me a few minutes ago. I was just trying to reciprocate the gesture. I see that was a waste of time since you are obviously a…a…oooh…you are an absolute jerk or worse you are an ARSE!" _My blood is boiling. I want to walk away but for some reason my feet are glued to the spot. We just glare at each other. My breathing is out of control. Neither one of us look away.

His nostrils are flaring. Oh Let the staring contest begin. He's frowning at me and I'm pretty sure smoke is blowing out my ears. Still not conceding. We continue to stare at each other for what seems like forever. His brow arches very sexily, he smiles than cocks his head. _"__Arse? Is that all you've got?_" Why the hell is he smiling at me?_ "Yes, a big fat stupid, arrogant, ARSE!" _I feel the heat radiating from my face_. _

_**You go girl…knock him off his high horse!**_ My inner goddess yells while pumping her fist cheering me on…I think I like her after all.

His body begins to vibrate. His face is turning red and he literally bursts out laughing. This is unexpected. He is hysterically laughing. The laugh is so infectious I can't help but to join him and now we look like two idiots laughing at god knows what. We laugh so hard, tears are in our eyes and my side is hurting me. I clumsily fall back on the bench making my knees hurt and wince at the pain. "_Shit!_ _Stop making me laugh! I just hurt my knees again! I'm going to cry." _That makes us laugh even harder. It feels so good to laugh.

We finally calm down. He turns to face me and with admiration in his eyes smiles again he whispers "_Thank you Anastasia_. _Tonight was one of the worst days of my entire life. I have been through hell and back. I had to let go of the only thing…uh person… I've ever cared…I mean have been close to in my life and felt alone and lost. You've changed that completely. Somehow…I don't know why or how…somehow…you're presence here tonight has made me feel like everything will be okay."_

He stops and stares at me. Taking my injured hand into his he gently rubs the soft cast. "_The moment I laid my eyes on you entering the emergency department with you're crazy blonde friend and your dad I felt a sense of peace. That's strange right. I don't even know you. You don't know me, but that is what I felt. How could that be? Why you? Why me?" _

He looks down at my wrist _"I'm glad this is not broken. You have to do what the doctor instructs you to do. Okay. Promise me._" He leans down and kisses my knuckles oh so softly. The feel of his lips on my skin feels amazing. I wish he would kiss me on my lips just once. Christian reaches out to release my bottom lip with his thumb; I didn't realize I was biting it again. "_Don't bite your lip Ms. Steele. It's very distracting and right now, I feel so out of control. I feel like kissing you, but I can't." _Well why the hell not!_ "You said you're going to be 17. I just turned 22. I'm too old for you." _He gently rubs my bottom lip with his thumb_. "Some would consider me a pedophile. It's wrong to even touch you right now. But I can't help it, you're so beautiful." _Who caresplease kiss me I silently beg._ "Maybe in the future…who knows…when we're both adults. But for now I need to say goodbye. Thank you again Anastasia." _He leans over and kisses me on my very deeply and sadly he glances at the entrance of the hospital._ "I have to go check on my…"_ He stops and thinks for a second then looks down and realizes he is still holding my hand. He frowns but continues to hold it.

I feel a like a bolt of lightning pass through both of us. My body is trembling; no man has ever made me feel like this. He said I'm beautiful_. H__**e also said he's too old for you idiot**_! Okay not liking her right now! Inner goddess…go back to where you came from!

I look up at him and see the sadness in his eyes, the sadness that is so deep invading his soul. Why is that? Who could make him this sad…what could make him this sad? Then it hits me like a brick. A broken heart! Is he married? He's too young. I look at his left hand, no ring. Maybe it's his girlfriend. Shit, a girlfriend? Why did that word just make my heart feel weird? Who does he have to see? My brain to mouth filter is on off right now the words slip out before I could stop them. "_Uh…Christian? Who is it you're going to visit inside? Is it your girlfriend?" _Narrowing his eyes he tilts his head to the side and frowns deeper. He turns towards me and now we are sitting very close. He stares at my lip which I am now biting. I could feel his breath on me. "_So beautiful_. _What are you doing to me Anastasia? Why do I feel like this? I should be mourning a loss, but I'm not, I don't feel that way anymore. I almost feel free…as long as you're near me, I feel free." _He shakes his head like he's trying to snap out of a go of my hand he moves away from me.

Deep in thought he looks at me then answers my question_. "Girlfriend? No not a girlfriend. She was something else…but to make you understand I guess I have to agree with…so instead of confusing you…I have to say, yes. I guess she is my ex-girlfriend now. Or maybe we were just…who knows." _Sighing sadly he reaches into his wallet and takes out a card. He writes something on it, places it in the palm of my hand then closes my hands on it. "_I have to go back inside. I wish I could stay here with you but that would be me being selfish. So for now…good bye Anastasia…thank you again_." He leans over barely brushing my lips with his to give me a chaste kiss. Both hands cup my face and make their way to my hair making chills run up and down my body. He runs his fingers through my hair and brings a strand to his nose inhaling deeply memorizing my scent. Sighing deeply he shakes his head then presses his forehead to mine and kisses the tip of my nose before nuzzling it with his own.

The look of somber has returned, I feel his pain, its oozing out of him. He tilts his head and lifts my chin, now we are both gazing at each other. I want to kiss him so desperately. My teeth graze my bottom lip; I lean in but stop…could I truly kiss him. It takes every ounce of strength not to do it. I've never wanted somebody to kiss me this badly ever in my life. He closes his eyes while trying to suppress a groan, but I still hear it. The sound makes my body feel warm all over. I am affecting him just as much as he is affecting me. My hands make their way to his face and I cup it just like he did mine. I have to touch some part of him. I need to feel closer to him. I feel his body tense next to me for a fraction of a second, but then he relaxes. He takes a deep breath and leans in a little bit closer to me. "_God, you are so beautiful_. _I wish you were an adult right now…you smell so good. Those beautiful lips, I wish I could kiss them…but you're not so I can't. I'm no good for you. I have to stay away from you. You have to stay away from me. But if you ever need me…call me okay. I mean for anything…you know…knee pads, a band aid, diet coke, anything okay please don't hesitate to call me. Promise me." _Did he just say he wants me just as much as I want him?

I smirk and bite my lip again. "_I promise_." I grab his shirt and pull him closer to me. He stares at me knowing what I am about to do. I am going to kiss him. I lean over brush my lips slowly on his lips. He gasps and looks me in my eyes. I slowly close mine, I move closer to him and kiss him again. My kiss is soft but now I'm pressing my lips to his, coaxing his mouth to respond to mine. He finally gives in and kisses me back. Ever so gently, our mouths part and our tongues meet. Oh my, so soft, so warm, so good. I am in heaven right now. I can't help the moan that escapes me into his mouth. This sets him off. The kiss deepens. I've never been kissed…this is my very first kiss. It is perfect in every way imaginable. He moans into my mouth. His tongue goes deeper. His hand goes up and down my back. He pulls me closer to him. My mouth is in heaven. I grab his hair and pull him closer to me. This should not be happening out here, but I don't care. The entire world could walk in on us right now and it would not matter; kissing Christian Grey is so worth it. He finally stops, looks me in the eyes, then leans in again and sucks my bottom lip before giving me one more final sweet kiss. Magic is all I could say that kiss was full of…magic.

I lean in and hug him. There is no space between us. He body feels rigid at first, but relaxes immediately and returns the hug just as tightly. He closes his eyes and moans into my neck. "_Anastasia, what are you doing to me? That should not have happened. I wish…no, you're too young for me…I'm too old for you…this can't happen. Don't do this. Please. I can't bare this tonight_." I pull away and stare into his eyes. "_I know this is wrong…but god it feels so right. I could not help myself Christian._" I know I just met this man but I feel like our souls have known each other forever. I'm never going to get the chance to kiss him again. I feel like he needed the connection, the aura in him screamed abandonment; I had to make it right. I wanted to raise his spirits and the deep breath he just let out tells me I did just that. I renewed his sense of hope. "_Please try_. _I have to go_." He kisses my forehead, stands up and walks away.

I watch him. God he is drop dead gorgeous. The most gorgeous man I've ever seen in my life. I am lost in his beauty. He enters the hospital at the same moment my dad walks out. I suddenly feel just as sad as he looked. Is he really gone? Gone forever, I need him again, my body, my lips and my soul. How could this happen so fast? What is happening to me?

My dad's words bring me back to reality. He has the same worried look he always gets when he thinks I'm in danger. "_Annie! There you are! I was going crazy looking for you. Why are you out here? Are you okay? Are you in pain? Come sweetie, the car is right across the street, come on you need to get home to rest."_ I am still staring at the entrance of the emergency room wondering who is in there. What caused Christian's sadness and most of all wondering when I will ever see him again? I glace down at the card in my hand. Christian Grey gave me his cell phone; he wants me to call him. I can't help the grin on my face as realization hits me; he wants to keep in touch. Age difference or not…_he wants to keep in touch_. As my dad is leading me to the car, I glance behind me and feel him looking at me. From somewhere inside, Christian is watching me and I know he is longing my touch as much as I am desiring his. I wave goodbye knowing he is watching me. I sit in the car and thank the heavens up above for having a friend like Kate who begged my dad to bring me here tonight and meeting Christian Grey.

Once home, I take a hot shower (my dad wrapped my soft cast in plastic) I take two Advil's and lay in my bed trying to fall to sleep. As I'm drifting off I begin the most wonderful dream…filled with beautiful grey eyes and very soft kisses.

At 6am I wake in pain, my wrist is literally throbbing. Not only my wrist is hurting, basically, everything hurts, my head, my elbows, my knees, my back…ultimately my body from head to toe is all messed up. I feel like I've been through the ringer. I am so sore. Attempting to get out of bed is a task on its own. Trying to be quiet is nearly impossible; I'm trying my best because I don't want to disturb my dad. Making my way to the kitchen I get a cup of water take my medicine. I'm allowed to take a dose every 4 hours. It looks like I'm going to need the pain medicine as indicated at least for today.

My body is so achy. Doing something as simple as using the bathroom is torturous, but somehow I pulled it off. Sitting on my bed I glance at the nightstand and notice Christian's card. I wonder what he is doing right now. I should have given him my number. I really want him to have my number. I'm not brave enough to contact him. If he had my number, he could contact me. But hey, we live in a new day and age…I am a modern woman…well almost woman so I'll call him.

I hear my inner goddess again…_**If you want to call the man and give him your number…just do it! I dare you! Go ahead and call him. This I've got to see. Who are you lying to? It's just you and me little girl…yep…he labeled you correctly, you are a little girl.**_ Ugh! I really hate her! Go back to whatever rock you crawled out of and leave me the hell alone! Is there a magic pill to eliminate you completely? Maybe I should call the doctor and get a prescription! Finally getting his attention, she makes her way to her bed goes to sleep. Thank god!

I decide to grab the bull by the horn and contact him. I store his number and decide to text him instead of calling. Yes, I'm too timid I admit it. Should I do it now? It's really early. I wonder if he's awake. Probably not, he is probably sleeping…okay one quick text. I need to go back to sleep…I'm getting tired again.

_*Hi Christian, thanks again for my diet coke. I just want you to have my number in case you ever need anything from me…even if it's a reason to…laugh _

I hit send without thinking and realized I didn't say my name on the text…okay one more text then bed!

***** _Oops, btw…this is Ana…Anastasia Steele. Call me okay…I mean if you ever want or need anything or to say something to me. Uh! Never mind. No pressure. I'm not making any sense. I really liked kissing you. Shit…it must be the pain medicine. I'm in too much pain. Good night…I mean, good morning…unless you're sleeping…sorry to wake you. I wish I was an adult right now too! Sorry. Never mind…uh…bye_. :-/

I hit send again, why did I send that babbling text message to him? What was I thinking? He really is going to think I'm a child. I'll blame it on my injuries. Temporary insanity will be my defense. Shaking my head, I turn my phone off. Lying on my side, my whole body is exhausted and so is my mind. I whisper right before drifting off…_sweet dreams Christian…don't forget me…wherever you are. _

My dad finally wakes me up with the smell of food. My stomach is growling. I am so hungry. I want to shower first. Taking off my soft cast, it will be easier to bathe without it. I make my way to the shower and let the hot water hit my aching body. Washing my body with one hand is a difficult task but I manage to pull it off. I wish my mom was here. Right now I need a woman here to help me. I'll ask Kate to wash my hair tonight. I don't know why, but the thought of washing my hair brings my thoughts back to Christian running his hands through it and smelling it and absorbing the scent. I am lost in my thoughts. I am thinking of everything he said, every glance and every touch. My last thought brings me back to the text message I sent…oh my god! My inner goddess is right, I am an idiot. I wonder if he texted me back? I have to check. Getting out of the shower, I reach for my phone, turn it on and find three text messages all from Christian Grey!

*****_You're very welcome. The diet coke was nothing compared to what you gave me…peace of mind is priceless. So thank you_!

***** _LOL, yes…I figured it was you sending me the first text. You are too funny. I've never met anyone that makes me laugh so much. I like your name…Anastasia…I prefer to call you by your name not your nickname…Anastasia_.

***** _Btw…I liked kissing you too. I like it when you blush like you're doing right now. Please don't bite your lip. I wish you were an adult too. But you are not. So I will refrain from telling you how beautiful you are and making you blush and I will refrain from telling you how you make me feel when you bite your lip. So until you're an adult…we will continue to make each other laugh and hopefully become really good…friends_. _I hope you're feeling better._ _Take your medicine and take it easy today_. _Don't make me have to spank you!_ _Laters_ _baby_ ;) _Your friend for life ~ C_

Oh my god! His messages just made my day. I'm so happy he wrote back. He is so funny. I can't help but to giggle reading them…but I kind of feel sad knowing we could only be friends. Well at least for now. I could do friends…one day maybe…we could become more, maybe friends with benefits…hmmmm…that is so worth the wait!

Getting dressed, I go into the kitchen and find my dad making us lunch. "_Annie, sweetie, how are you feeling."_ My dad is the very best. I love him so much. I don't know what I would do without him. I've been living with him since I was 10 years old. He is my rock. I've always been a good girl, boys never been a factor in my life. But now…since last night…I don't know…I can't stop thinking about Christian. I've never crushed on a guy before, but I can't seem to get him out of my mind. Wow, I can't wait to speak to Kate.

"_I feel good daddy. Daddy, have I received mail from the colleges I applied for? I really can't wait to know and am excited about going."_ He smiles and wraps me in a really tight hug. Wondering where this is coming from. What I really want to say is I can't wait to become an adult. I hug him back with my one good hand. He cups my face and kisses my forehead. "_Don't rush to grow up too fast Annie. Your old man is not too eager to see you grow up and leave._" I can't help but to get a little teary eyed. "_I love you daddy_. _I'll never really truly leave you. But I am getting older and need to see what the rest of the world looks like_." We eat our lunch and are both lost in our thoughts. Daddy and I have a very special bond too strong to break. I will always be daddy's little girl.

A short while later Kate, Jose and Ethan stop by the house with balloons, flowers and chocolates. I love these guys. They are truly my best friends. Once the boys leave, I drag Kate into my room and tell her all about my ER encounter. We are both screaming like lunatics at the fact that a "man" as hot as my new friend Christian kissed me. Well technically, I kissed him but it was still a kiss. She agreed we need to keep that piece of info to ourselves. No need to get the man locked up for kissing a minor. She said to take things slow. Become friends and see where our friendship takes us. Kate's had a lot of boyfriends so she is an expert on this.

I do feel a strong attraction to him. But I know for now we could only be friends. I can't be selfish. I think of all my friends and realize I love them so very much for their wonderful individual qualities. I'm so blessed to have them in my life. I'm taking Kate's advice to just be his friend. I still can't help but to wonder…could I be friends with this man? Well for now I can.

Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... it's about who came and never left your side...knowing that everything changes and nothing stays the same…I'll take him anyway I can…even if it's in a form of a wonderful and genuine friendship.

There are some people that are destined to meet each other…but may not be destined to be together…that's just the way it is. I wonder where our friendship will lead us.

**Please Review…what do you think so far? :/**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…this is my version of this wonderful story….**

**Thanks for the reviews. The story continues…**

**Chapter 2**

"**I don't know why I'm so afraid to lose you when you're not even mine"**  
― Nurilla Iryani, _Dear Friend With Love_

Christian and I continued our daily text messaging and nightly telephone calls discussing basically everything for an entire year.

After a few phone calls we met for breakfast and he asked that I sign something called a NDA (non-disclosure agreement) before we could continue our friendship. I thought it was really silly, but he said he had trust issues and really would need me to sign it in good faith. Wanting to please him even in the smallest way, I agreed to sign the silly form earning the goofiest grin from him. I really love looking at his face. Somehow signing the form made our friendship go forward; Christian and I have become really good friends very quickly.

I love speaking to him. We really speak more often than Kate and I. There really was not a day or night we did not communicate in some shape or form. No matter what part of the world he was in we found a way to chat. I must admit, our daily dialogs are the highlight of my day. I look forward to waking up knowing his text message is the first thing I would see and look forward to going to bed…hearing his husky sexy voice wishing me sweet dreams.

A few months ago, Christian left me a voicemail asking permission to see me after school. Since he lives in Seattle and I go to school in Portland, I found this strange. I didn't know he was coming down to visit, but was happy to see him. We agreed to meet up immediately after my last class. I wanted him to tell me already, but he asked me to be patient. He said he needed to tell me in person, not via text or over the phone. I agreed but not before telling him that I was scared. He said not to worry…he just needed full disclosure with me. He didn't want to continue lying to me; he said he needed to be honest with me at all cost. My stomach felt like it had knots in it. He reassured me by telling me I was the only person in the world he truly really trusted besides his therapist.

That was the day he disclosed the details of his love life to me. He told me the person who was hospitalized was his first lover. He said he was in a different type of relationship with her, one that demanded a total power exchange amongst each other. He explained it was a consensual relationship between two parties who were physically active, while one of the parties agree to be a controlled participant. He said their roles are a Dominant and a Submissive. He revealed he played both roles with his first lover. I finally ask.. "_Who is she Christian? What is her name? Do you still see her?" _

He thinks about my questions for a long while before sighing and revealing something that split my heart in two. This person who took his virginity and introduced him to this lifestyle was not a stranger to him. She was a close family friend. In fact, she was a very good friend to his mother. This so called friend's name is Elena Lincoln; the older woman.

I really can't believe he has made such a big deal about our age difference. I nearly fell over when he told me he was 15 when they first began. He was just a few days shy of his 16th birthday. This controlling relationship lasted nearly seven years. He said this was what he needed at the time. It was something he desired, something he required to keep him on track. He said she possessed all control over him and was her sub until he was 19; after a really harsh scene he turned the table and took charge. Once he threatened to leave her, she begged him to stay and agreed to become his submissive. I've never heard of such relationships, and told him I really didn't understand the terminology he was explaining to me. He made me promise not to research it until my 18th birthday; he said I was too innocent to be tarnished with the gruesome details of their lifestyle.

Christian revealed the day we met he had lost all control because their secret relationship was discovered by none other than her husband. That really shocked me. He has been fooling around with a married woman. Wow, talk about seeing him in a new light! He said Elena's husband beat her up so badly she ended up in the hospital. His admission filled in the blanks. I always wondered what had him looking so sad. Now I know. He said the entire experience changed him. He said he would never share another woman again in his life. He is committed to being in a monogamous relationship from that day forward for the rest of his life.

I painfully asked him did he love her. He hung his head and was quiet for a very long time. "_Christian, please answer me…were you in love with her? Did she love you_?" He finally looked up at me and said he didn't know. This made my insides hurt. Christian has been the first and only man I've ever loved. Even though we are friends, my feelings for him have grown significantly. I will never tell him, this is my secret…I do love him. The thought of him loving someone else, is almost unbearable to me.

Christian doesn't believe in love. He said Elena always reminded him how love was for fools. I really hate this woman. I'm so jealous of her. She had him for seven years and did not see what a wonderful person he really was. The things she said to him and did to him make me feel sick. She really sounds like a cold hearted bitch.

Even though he denies their feelings, I can't help but to wonder if he did love her and if she loved him. They were in a relationship for so long. How could this not be love? I told him they must have loved each other in some way. It may not have been the traditional love that we all know, but they must have had strong feelings towards one another. She was older than him, she used him. How could she do such a thing? I asked him how much older was she…he continuously told me it didn't matter. He refused to answer me. He kept saying she was older than him.

I had to remind him…full disclosure! I finally broke him down. I thought she was maybe 10 years older…imagine my shock when I found out she was 37 years old at the start of their relationship! This bitch was 22 years older than him! Talk about child molester! I told him she abused him, she was a predator. He defended her and said it was a mutual consensual relationship. He said if she was a child molester, he was one too, because he had kissed me and I am a younger than him too. I tried explaining he is only 5 years older than me…there really is no comparison. We are both young adults, neither one of us is old enough to be each other's parent. His Mrs. Robinson could have been his mother and right now…she could be my grandmother! Yuk! I told him she made me sick. I had to excuse myself and went to the bathroom to splash water on my face and to recoup.

Upon my return, I told him I wanted to go home. He asks me if it was because of his sexual preference…you know the whole Dom/Sub thing. I denied that it did. The fact that he was into this type of relationship did break my heart but I didn't say anything to him. Knowing deep down inside we could never be together, I will never be enough for him.

I said I was upset because she knowingly abused him and he was too naïve to recognize it. She manipulated him into thinking this was okay. That made me sick. My honesty resulted in our first real argument. It was a heated discussion which lasted not only that afternoon but also made its way into our daily text messages and our nightly phone calls. This topic soon became a thorn on both of our sides. We both finally conceded and decided to keep Mrs. Robinson out of our discussions.

We spoke about everything else in both of our lives. He told me all about his new company GEH. He dropped out of Harvard last year and has invested money into a new business which has made him rich. He made his first million three months after his first investment and his wealth is literally increasing by the hour. He surprisingly revealed that he is a multimillionaire and his goal is to make his first billion before he turns 24! This will make him the youngest self-made billionaire in the world. Wow talk about determination. I know he will be reaching that goal in no time.

We didn't really see each other after the day he told me about his BDSM lifestyle. He is so busy, but still manages to text and calls me daily. My feelings for him run so deep; I literally have to bite my tongue each night wanting to tell him I loved him before going to bed. He's kept his promise and our bargain by remaining to be just friends.

On his 23rd birthday he came to Portland and took me soaring. It was such a wonderful experience. He said he's never done that with anyone before. Feeling him so close to me had me on cloud nine. I wanted to reach out and kiss him all day but knowing this was something he did not want…I never got the nerve to do it. The closest we got to a kiss was a brief kiss on the cheek before he took off on one of his other toys…Charlie Tango; his helicopter.

I remembered the day he finally got his pilot's license he was so happy. He went the same day to purchase his helicopter having it customized to his liking, also one of the safest aircrafts ever built. This man truly just amazes me. I sometimes feel like he is a fiction of my imagination, the perfect specimen of a man. I sadly wish he felt a fraction of what I feel for him, if he only knew how much I truly loved him. I know he doesn't and that we could only be friends. I have learned to hide my feelings for him. I have even encouraged him to begin dating. He is constantly telling me he is too busy to date. I actually am so happy to hear it. I know it's selfish of me…but my little heart is not ready to share him just yet…to tell you the truth…I don't know if it will ever be ready.

My 18th birthday is rapidly approaching. Christian is constantly telling me that I am an old soul trapped in a teenager's body. Our conversations are amazing. We talk about everything and anything. I've grown to care for him so deeply but he also one of my dearest friends…even if I am secretly in love with this beautiful man. He makes me feel like a woman, not a young girl. I know it's wrong, since agreeing to remain friends, but the heart wants what it wants or else it doesn't care and right now…my heart wants Christian Grey.

I was able to keep my feelings for him to myself; it was basically under lock and key until that stupid night when he called me sounding so sad. The day before my 18th birthday he told me he met someone. He said she was a submissive. He said he was seeing her for a month already and that Maureen somehow got a look at one of our text messages and demanded we end our relationship. He said he promised her a monogamous relationship, even though we were friends, being so friendly with another woman was being unfaithful to her. She considered this a "hard limit." I knew what that meant, since I eventually did research BDSM. I recently researched it since my birthday was just days away.

He said she is different from his previous relationship with Elena and has allowed him to feel like he is in control again. My heart was shattered into a million pieces. I never realized how much control Christian needed until that day. He said he demanded that she end all outside male relationships so it was only fair to do the same. She was coming today to Escala his penthouse and was staying with him until Tuesday.

He sighed very sadly on the phone and broke me with his last words to me. "_Anastasia, please forgive me. I never should have led you on. I know we talked about what ifs and what would happen once you turned 18 but that was wrong. I am not the man for you. You can't give me what I need. Unfortunately, this is all I've known…this is what I need. Please forgive me and just move on. Don't wait for me, it's not right. Thank you for your friendship and for showing me how to believe in myself again. Don't call me or contact me anymore. I have to respect Maureen's hard limits and continuing our relationship is at the top of her list. I have to let you go. I'm…I'm sorry." _Closing my eyes the pain I feel is horrendous. My poor little heart is withering away, hurting and bleeding, knowing that Christian is with someone else, having sex with her and letting her do everything a woman could do to a man to satisfy his needs.

I am devastated. I realize I have to tell him how I feel before it is too late I swallow hard and try to sound very calm, nonchalant, but my heart is shattering making my voice tremble. Holding back a sob, I whisper hoping he could hear me.

"_Christian, I understand but before I wish you well, I have to tell you something. Now is my turn for full disclosure…isn't that what we always said…no secrets right? I__'m not done believing in you, trusting you, missing you." _

He interrupts me sounding cold and callous. _"Anastasia, don't do this. I don't want to hear this. I don't need to hear this. I don't want to hurt you." _I continue speaking, he needs to hear my words, he has to feel them and I can't keep them hidden any longer. Raising my voice a little bit so he could hear me, my mind is made up. He has to know what I'm feeling.

"_Christian, you don't even know what I'm feeling and you probably won't even understand. I'm less of a person without you. Thanks to you; nothing and nobody in this world can match up to you. Letting you go is too painful. This pain is…Christian…I'm not done… because I'm not done loving you. I love you Christian, please believe me."_ I sob quietly into the phone. I finally told him. But he is very quiet. The silence is deafening. I bite my lip to listen to his response, to his anger, to his breathing…but nothing is coming from the other side. I finally hear a sound I was not expecting…a sound that breaks my heart once again…a dial tone. Christian hung up on me without a response. I told him I loved him and he didn't care. He didn't want to hear it and could not answer me. Oh my god, Christian why did you do this to me? _Please Forgive me__ for not being able to let you go…as I will forgive you for not holding on._

Love is not selfish…love is realizing the time has come to let go…if that is what the other person's heart desire I need to let him go. Again, the heart wants what it wants, and right now…Christian's heart…does not want me. One day I will be able to look into those grey eyes without feeling this pain, but today all I could do is succumb to the pain and fall on my bed to release the hurt that is deep within me. The heartache is oozing out of me. I sob into my pillow, wishing the pain to subside and not to consume me. I have to let him go. I have to let him live his life. I fell in love with a man, which I knew would never love me back.

My inner goddess makes another appearance with red rimmed eyes and barely able to speak she is holding a box of Kleenex. Take all_** the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day. It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of a broken**__** heart. But one day we will. He will regret this day. We are the best thing that's ever happened to him. Don't you worry. **_For once I have to agree with her, knowing she is feeling my grief. Surrendering to the agony, I finally feel the dam erupt and cry until I finally fall asleep.

At 12:00am on the dot, my cellphone vibrates but I am too drained to look at it. I can't speak to Christian right now, but I know I would be devastated if the text message is not from him. Wow, I am officially 18 years old. I am an adult; I thought this day would be the happiest day of my life, not the saddest. I am emotionally exhausted. I am drained. I am tempted to read the text message…but not wanting to cry anymore and truthfully not having the strength to cry any longer, I turn it my cellphone off. I close my eyes and begin to drift off to sleep… but not before I send a message through the universe to the love of my life...

"_Christian, the day__ you come back to me might be the day I'm gone and have finally moved on. I don't think I could be with you again, I don't think I can take the pain anymore.__ If this is what you really need and desire, then I shall let you go. Good night my love I hope she makes you happy…may your nights be filled with only sweet dreams." _

Too exhausted to feel anything else…I finally fall into a deep and peaceful dreamless night.

**Please review...don't hate me :(**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…this is my version of this wonderful story….**

**Thank you for all your reviews. **

I must remind everyone that Christian was in a different place as a young adult. He does not know love, has had only one relationship which was Elena and right now has not done anything other than be Anastasia's friend**. **The only thing he is guilty of not being honest of his feelings towards her…the only thing he knows for sure…he has to keep her safe from the type of relationship he needs and wants…he has to keep her away...knowing her innocence is too precious to be exposed to this lifestyle.

**Please be gentle, try not to hate me too much…and the story continues…**

**Chapter 3**

Until this moment, I had not realized that someone could break your heart twice, along the very same fault lines."  
― Jodi Picoult, _My Sister's Keeper_

_**The morning after…**_

Waking up on my 18th birthday…I finally looked at my phone which was full of unanswered text messages. Everyone and anyone I knew had sent me well wishes.

Scrolling up to the very first one…this message was the most important one. It came from the person who broke me. The person who has shattered my life and now with just nine more words he tore my soul in apart:

_*Happy Birthday Anastasia, I'm sorry. Please let me go ~ CG_

I never heard from Christian after his last email.

I sent him many more text messages, but all of them went unanswered. I stopped texting him at his request. How pathetic. I could write a book of all the text messages I sent him pleading for a response. Throughout our relationship (if that is what we had…a relationship) I revealed so much of myself; making it nearly impossible to just it let go so easily. I continued to write to him. I told him what I was doing, my day to day activities, my fears, my regrets, I told him everything, I never mentioned again that I loved him. I always ended the text or email with the same final words.

"_Christian, I really miss our friendship; please don't do this to me…to us. Please tell her we are only friends. You promised me, you said I set you free the day we met, so why is this so bad? We were only friends. Why are you letting this happen? Christian…I miss you. _

_Yours always ~ AS_

Christian never answered me; my messages were sent but were never answered. For months, these messages were sent continuously to him. Always one sided; always silence from his end. I was living in purgatory. He must have thought I was a psycho stalker. I've never revealed so much to anyone, not even Kate. I could not help myself, I guess this was my way of dealing, my way of grieving, my way of saying I tried and my way of letting go. I never felt ache like the pain I endure with the loss of our friendship, with the loss of our bond and the throbbing of my broken heart. Looking back now, I regret it all. I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I wish I never met him. If I could change things…the day we met, in the emergency room, I would have never followed him outside. I would have never consoled him; I would have never kissed him. I would have never fallen in love with him and would not be dealing with the emptiness in my soul.

The straw that broke the camel's back came six months later…I guess he was fed up with all my text messages and pleads. He finally sent one. This was his one and only message. But he got his point across without a doubt.

*_Ms. Steele, please stop texting me. I can't change my number as it is linked to many important contacts. Meeting you was a mistake. Trusting you with my thoughts was also a mistake. Kissing you was the biggest mistake. You are a child. Please do not make me forward all of your text messages to your father Raymond Steele. This is borderline harassment. I told you our friendship was over. I will not ask again. ~ CG_

Wow! What an arrogant bastard! He was my first real love and now I'm broken. I guess he was correct in saying I was harassing him. I finally got the message. I needed closure. I sent him one last text through tears and agony.

_* No problem. I finally got it. Loud and clear. Good bye Mr. Grey ~ AS_

That was my last message to him. No looking back. The text from him literally crushed me. I got the picture. I cried for an entire month, Kate, Jose and Ethan were my brick wall. They helped me through the pain and agony. My father never knew the reason for my solace. I made excuses about graduating and leaving him behind. I could never reveal the truth to him. I could never tell him how his naïve little daughter let this beautiful wonderful man steal her heart then crush it like it was worthless. I was determined to let it go…and I did. Good bye Christian Grey…forever.

_**My 19**__**th**__** Birthday…**_

Kate & I are celebrating my 19th birthday at a college party (well technically the day before, my birthday since it is not until tomorrow, but I'm still celebrating today). We have been roommates, living on our own in a two bedroom apartment. We both attend WSU. We decided during our orientation the dorm rooms would not work for us. A friend of our lives in the dorms and has invited us to the college frat party. I'm not a party animal, that is Kate's job but I do like to dance. So since it's my birthday, I decide…ah…what the heck!

Kate did my hair and make-up and we both decide to wear skinny jeans and camisoles. Kate always wears stilettos even to the market! Unlike me, I'm more of a converse type of girl but since it's my 19th birthday I decide to look like an adult and wear sexy stilettos. I slip on my shoes and walk out of my bedroom. The look on Kate's face was worth all the effort she's put into getting me ready today. I've been plucked, waxed, buffed, curled and straightened. Now I'm ready to party! "_Steele you look hot! I bet you tonight you will find Mr. Right and hopefully will get laid! Let's go. The girls are downstairs waiting for us in their car; we'll take mine so we could ditch them if this party is boring."_

**Mr. Right?** Hmmm, why did I get a vision of grey eyes with those words? I haven't thought of him in months. I never heard from him again. I did see him on the news. He did make his first billion even before his 24th birthday. He is still so very handsome and has maintained a low profile when it came to his love life. I could really care less. I've been dating here and there. These college guys are all dorks. They think with one thing and one thing only…their penis.

I'm not ready for a relationship and am not ready to have sex. My heart was given away a long time ago never to be returned. The hell with love! The hell with sex! I just want to be successful and move forward with my life.

We arrive shortly and begin to mingle. The place is really crowded. Not my cup of tea. Kate immediately finds the dance floor and begins her signature dance moves. I have to laugh at her. She is so beautiful and so confident. Men tend to flock over her at all times. She notices I am not dancing and wiggles her finger demanding I join her on the dance floor. "_Steele get your butt over here and shake what your momma gave you!"_ Hell yeah! I'm letting go tonight. Making my way to the dance floor…I join my best friend and celebrate the night away. We are soon surrounded by a bunch of drunken college boys, trying to get too close. I have to keep smacking their hands away but I'm still having fun.

We've been here for about three hours, and I was in need of a bathroom break. Kate comes with me but the bathroom on the first level is packed; we head up to the bathroom upstairs hoping it is unoccupied. Going through a hallway we hear someone yelling "_Elliot I am not leaving! I am 19 years old. You are not my father! Just go away! Get off of me!_" A very pretty brunette is yelling at a very handsome blonde guy. I guess it's a lover's quarrel I think. Shrugging my shoulders I decide this has nothing to do with us…I attempt to find the bathroom. I immediately realize my tenacious friend has decided to interfere in something that is none of our business. Before I could stop her she is in front of the girl and is pushing the blonde cutie ready to pounce.

"_Hey there you big bully. You heard her, get your hands off of her! Stop being an ogre and leave her alone. She obviously does not want to be your girlfriend anymore so just be a man and leave with some dignity. Please do not make me kick your ass. My friend and I know how to take men down in a heartbeat. Isn't that right Steele?"_ She lifts her chin and looks towards me for validation.

Shaking my head, all I wanted was a bathroom. Ugh! Kate! The blonde man "Elliott" looks shock and bemused. The brunette bursts out laughing. "_Ha! See Elliott! If you don't let me stay, I am going to get my friends here, Steele and…"_ "_Kate_" we both say. "_Yeah Kate and Steele are going to kick your ass Elliott. By the way, he's my brother not my boyfriend (she whispers) but that doesn't matter, go away now Elliott and take him with you!" _

He frowns at the brunette, looks at me then stares at Kate. Checking us both out, he licks his lips then smiles a crooked smile. Shit! I've seen this look before…it's usually on Kate's face. He is going in for the kill. "_Mia, you really want to stay?" _

She rolls her eyes and shoves him_. "Well duh. That's what I've been trying to tell you. Please Elliott; this is my first real college party before I fly out to Paris next week. Pretty pleeeeaseee. Let me stay."_ She is pouting and we all know she has won this fight.

Elliot sighs then nods "_Fine, but I'm staying too and I'm bringing in some reinforcement to keep these jerks away from you. Excuse me, I need to make a phone call. Mia no grinding with anyone, male or female or so help me god."_ He doesn't get to finish the sentence. She is squealing up and down and hugs both of us taking us by surprise. "_Thank you, thank you so much Elliott. I love you so much!_"

Finally! I begin to walk away practically yelling. "_Great! Now that this little misunderstanding is settled…could I please go to the bathroom?"_They all laugh; we officially introduce ourselves to each other before they step aside and lead me to the bathroom.

A few minutes later, I return from the bathroom and find Kate up against the wall kissing someone. Oh my god. She is kissing Elliot! That was fast. Didn't she threaten him with an ass kick? How long was I in the bathroom? I walk over to them wondering where _Mia_ the sister went. I spot her at the end of the hallway talking to someone on the phone. She looks annoyed. I clear my throat. She hangs up the phone and storms over to us. Kate and Elliott stop tongue wrestling realizing they had company. Kate is blushing, he is smirking. I never would of have thought to see the day my best friend Kate would be shy around a guy. She is usually the one to make them shy. I guess there is a first for everything. Mia hands Elliott the phone a little harsher than necessary.

Here we go again. "_Gee thanks Elliott, he said he will be here in 30 minutes and we better be ready to leave if not he's bringing both mom and dad to get me. I can't wait to go to Paris; I really need my freedom from all of you_."

Kate and I look at each other and attempt to follow her, but Elliot holds Kate back and whispers something to her. She giggles, looks at me with begging eyes which was my clue to give them some privacy. If a half hour is all they've got…might as well make the most of it. Shaking my head, I nod and walk back to the party with Mia.

It seems like there are even more people in the party. Mia makes her way to a group of girls who look at me up and down twitch their lips and walk away. Mia apologizes for their behavior and asks me to join them on the dance floor. I rather go to a firing range then to hang out with those girls. Talk about mean girls! No thanks, making up a lame excuse; I decide to wait for Kate outside. "_Mia, I am a bit warm. I'm going to go and get some fresh air if that's okay with you._" She pouts again, but doesn't put up a fight. I guess she knows that pouty face only works on her big brother and probably on most men.

I grab my bag and make my way out to the front of the frat house. It seems like the party has made its way outside too. It's just as congested and just as loud. I really wish I was home. My feet are killing me and I just realized I didn't eat dinner…again. I'll make Kate take me to a late night diner to eat a burger and fries. I am really in the mood for a nice thick chocolate shake.

I spot a bench down a little path not too far from the frat house. The path is lit, so it should be safe. There are cars lined up along the path and I see there are couples getting down and dirty in some of them. Sitting on the bench, I look up and see the night is extremely clear. The stars are out tonight. I lean back and throw my head back enjoying the comfort of the night. So much has changed in such a short year. I don't want to think about the pain I endured one year ago today. Closing my eyes, I get lost in my thoughts. I wonder if he ever thinks about me or has he ever missed me. I wonder if he's happy. I hear the chirp of my phone. _**Midnight**__._

It is exactly 12 midnight. My birthday; I am officially 19 years old and once again I'm all alone. My best friend is making out with a blonde cutie, my two other friends Jose and Ethan are busy with their girlfriends and me…well me…I look up to the sky. I see a shooting star. I wish…I wish I could fall in love again, but this time…I wish that he would love me back. Longing him to love me profoundly; a love that rare, no ordinary love, hopelessly and foolishly in love with me.

Suddenly a chill runs through my body, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. What was that? I've felt that feeling before. Glancing around…could it be? Sighing…I close my eyes and think to myself. No…don't do this to yourself Steele. You've moved on. He is gone. You are over him.

To new beginnings, toasting up to the sky; I quietly begin to sing to myself. "_Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me... Happy birthday dear…_" Hanging my head and closing my eyes, who am I kidding? What a loser. "_Dear Anastasia…happy birthday to you_." He finishes my song then sits next to me. I continue to look at the floor. I can't look at him. I feel the tears clouding up my eyes. The lump in my throat is so big, I feel like I can't breathe. Oh. My. God. Maybe I'm imagining him.

I know who it is. I felt his presence before he approached me. I tried to ignore it but subconsciously knowing he was nearby. My heart is pounding in my chest. My hands are clammy and my mouth suddenly becomes dry.

What is he doing here? Closing my eyes; this must be a dream. Maybe an illusion, why is he here? He moves closer to me and reaches for my hand, my sweaty, trembling hand. I feel the electricity once our hands touched making my breath hitch.

"_Happy birthday beautiful_." He whispers. I could faint from his words, I can't breathe, I feel dizzy, I need to get up. His voice, his scent, his presence, oh they make me feel...I can't do this again. I can't let him break me again.

I pull away and stand up faster then I intended to. This makes my head spin, rushing blood to my head. I feel very light headed, I need to grab on to something before I fall. Stumbling, I reach for something, but nothing is there. I'm going to faint. My knees are weak. Strong hands clutch my elbows then pull me into a strong very hard body. "_Whoa, I got you baby. I got you. I won't let you fall."_

I'm trembling. I lean my head on his chest to try to anchor myself. I can't catch my breath. I inhale deeply…god, he smells so good. He lifts me and carries me to the bench. My body is so addicted to him. I have to get away from him. He is going to crush me again. But I can't move. My treacherous body and aching heart won't allow me to move. His arms tighten around my torso. He leans in bringing his lips to my ear. I feel his breath. God, the feel of his lips go right through my soul. He runs his nose along the side of my hair inhaling my scent, groaning softly in my ear. I hear him. I close my eyes, I want him so much. I need him so much. I can't let him go again.

He whispers in my ear…_"I'm going to sit you down okay baby. Try to breathe slowly; in through your nose, out through your mouth." _I nod and do as I'm told; my eyes are still closed but I am beginning to feel better_. _My breathing seems more regulated_. _

"_Good girl. You're doing fine. That's right just like that. Anastasia, please look at me. Open your eyes. Let me see those beautiful blue eyes." _Biting my lip I slowly open my eyes, but don't look up. He bends down to meet my gaze lifting my chin with his finger so that our eyes could meet. "_Are you okay? God, I've missed your face, you're so beautiful. What happened over there? You almost fell just now. Baby, were you drinking?" _Is he really asking me was I drinking? He looks angry, his brow is furrowed.

How clueless is he? How do I tell him he made me feel like this? He knocked the wind out of me. He made my head spin, he made my knees weak. Just being this close to him takes my breath away; making me feel faint. He really thinks I was drinking. My reaction was not because I am inebriated with liquor, the affect he has on me could not compare to being drunk. The way he makes me feel is new to me but I know without a doubt that I could drink an entire brewery and not feel the way I do right now, right here, sitting next to the man I love with all my heart.

Reality brings me back to earth. I know my feelings are one sided. Remembering his harsh text message the one that broke me in a million pieces, I gather enough strength to move away from him. I look up at him and see the pain and sadness that once again lives in his eyes. The same sadness and pain that drew me to him on the very first night we met.

"_Christian, I wasn't drinking. I'm fine. I probably didn't eat enough today. Look, I have to go. Thank you for catching me. Now I really need to go. I need to find Kate; we really have to go home_." Attempting to get up again, my head still feels like I'm on a merry go round making me lose my balance once again. You have got to be kidding me! The heavens up above are working against me.

"_Whoa, not so fast baby please sit back down. You really look pale. I'm here to pick up my siblings (_taking out his phone he sends a quick text)_ but I have enough room to take you home too. I'm sure your dad is worried about you_. _Does he even know you are here?"_

Here we go again! Is he fucking kidding me? He still sees me like a little girl! I am so sick of his bullshit! I am so pissed off. Somehow I gain my equilibrium again with his stupid statement.

"_Not again!_ _My dad? Really Mr. Grey? For your information I do not live with my father anymore. I live on my own with my best friend Kate. I am 19 years old, I am in college, supporting myself and really do not appreciate your innuendos. I am not a child! FYI – __**I DO NOT NEED MY DAD'S PERMISSION TO GO ANYWHERE.**__ Did you hear me? Capeesh? Now, go get your siblings and leave me the hell alone! Pretend I don't exist anymore, that should come easy to you. You've had plenty of practice. Just pretend this night never happened. In fact just like you did the last time…act like I never even existed in your life! Go back to your girlfriend, your submissive or your fuck buddy. I do not want to see you ever again. Just go!"_ God that felt so good! My entire body is trembling, but I am maintaining my composure.

Glaring at each other, both of our eyes burning with pain, hurt and anger he finally looks away shaking his head. He takes a very deep breath and gives me a beautiful crooked smile."_That smart fucking mouth. Ms. Steele, you have a very fresh mouth. Being an adult requires one to behave in with a certain mannerism. You claim to be an adult so maybe I should show you a lesson on how a man tames a woman's mouth." _Shit! His words go right through me_. _Unable to disguise the gasp, I immediately, bite my lip in an effort to control my breathing.

His thumb caresses my bottom lip then pulls on my chin to release it. _"Please don't bite your lip. You are so sweet, how I've missed these lips. What I like to do to them and to you right now. You're of legal age now…I won't go to jail. I want to taste you again; I want to taste all of you. What do you think about that baby? Do you want me to let you go or do you want me to kiss you? Tell me baby…what do you want?"_ He steps closer to me tilting his head like he's going to finally kiss me.

I can't catch my breath. Closing my eyes, I'm waiting for the connection. I'm longing for it. He pulls me closer to him. Our bodies are now one. I feel something hard on my belly, could that be his…is that his erection? Oh my god, I feel a warmness and wetness in between my legs. I've never had this feeling before. My woman parts are throbbing and my stomach is filled with butterflies. Oh my god, I can't breathe. I am feeling something so new to me; desire. My body is aching for him, for his touch to satisfy the ache that is crawling up my flesh from deep within. What is he doing to me? I look at him narrowing my eyes, unable to contain myself; I close my eyes and feel the shudder go through us.

He pulls me closer. I run my nose along his jaw. He grabs my leg and wraps it around his waist. He adjusts himself; fitting his middle against mine. My hips involuntarily begin to move. I need the friction between us. I need to feel him. I want him to feel the warmth. I lowly moan "_Christian_." While slowly releasing the breath I've been holding, and just like that, the beast within him is unleashed. "F_uck! You feel so warm. I could feel how wet you are. Anastasia baby…Mmmm, Fuck! Come here_." Grabbing the back of my neck he crushes his lips to mine. His tongue forces its way into my mouth and quickly reacquaints itself with my very own soft tongue. I can't help but to moan into his mouth. The kiss deepens; my hands find his hair pulling him closer to me. His hands have a different path; the one holding my leg around his waist moves to cup my butt, while the one grasping my neck runs down the front of me, caressing my breast going down south finally stopping on my core cupping my vagina with his palm putting pressure on it, feeling the moisture. In between kisses, he whispers "_So wet baby, I could feel how wet you are even through your jeans. I want you so badly. I am aching for you. I am hurting for you. Please come home with me._"

I gasp and pull away. Could I do this? Oh god, I want to, but I can't. Reality hits me. He crushed me. He left me for someone else. He ended our friendship…it's unbearable to think what would happen it if I gave myself to him and he treated me the same. It would kill me. I shake my head. This can't happen again. Not on my birthday…it seems like a pattern. Right now this pattern must be broken as of today. "_No Christian_. _No I can't do this. We have to stop_." Swallowing hard and bringing my leg down, I move away from him, but he grabs me by my waist and once again pulls me closer him. I shyly look down unable to meet his gaze. Leaning in he places another soft kiss on my lips and whispers into my mouth. "_Don't walk away. Not again. Baby, I am yours and you are mine. I can't let you go. I tried…but I can't let you go. I know I hurt you…I'm sorry. Please believe me I've always…Anastasia baby… I lo…_" He doesn't finish.

We are interrupted by Elliott, Kate and Mia. He shoves me away from him quickly leaving me feeling bereft. Talk about bad timing. "_Hey there little brother, I guess you've met Ana. I heard it's her birthday. You are officially 19 years old! Happy birthday little lady." _Walking over to me he picks me up, kisses my cheek then give me the tightest bear hug and spins me around. He settles me down but I still feel like I am spinning. Kate and Mia rush over to me and hug me too. I thank them but can't take my eyes off of the man who is now running his hand through his hair trying to control his Elliott attempts to grab me again, I try to move away and lose my balance, slip and fall but am quickly caught before hitting the floor and am crushed to Elliott's chest. _"Hey little lady, I got you. Did I make you a little dizzy? Are you okay?" _He grips me around my waste tightly. I am about to nod that I'm fine, but his brother's howl startles us all. "_Elliott take your fucking hands off of her. She is fine." _Elliott and Mia are shocked.

Recovering quickly, Elliott chuckles "_Whoa…take it easy_. _No need to stake_ _your claim with me little bro. No worries, she is hot. But I prefer her blonde friend over there. You could have Ana. She's all yours_." I feel the blush all over my body.

Christian looks so mad! He turns away from all of us and begins to walk toward his Audi SUV. He stops before entering going in the truck, glances at me then answers Elliott.

"_Fuck off Lelliot, you're such an idiot. You don't know shit. I don't want her. Come on really, look at her, she's a child. I have no time for little adolescent games. Do not insult my intelligence. Don't pretend to know what I want or need. As a matter of fact big brother, she is all yours! I like women, not little girls like you do. So by all means…go ahead; you could have her, take them both for all I care. Whatever you do, make it quick so we could get the fuck out of here! It's late; I have an early morning meeting. Now that I think about it, your time is up! Let's go! Everyone get in the truck now and stop wasting my fucking time. Taylor let's take these young girls home first."_ Without another glance towards me, he climbs into the front seat and slams the passenger side door. Taylor steps out of the driver's side and opens the door for us to get in. His eyes find mine. Looking at me with such sorrow and sympathy; discreetly shaking his head as he and I know he was a witness to the public display of affection that transpired between Christian and me moments ago.

Mia stomps over to the truck and begins to yell before she climbs in. "_Christian Grey, what the hell is wrong with you? How could you do that to her? Why were you so cruel? I've never seen you intentionally hurt another person's feelings, I never thought I would see you do it…and most of all do it to a girl. That's not you. Look at her, she looks mortified_." Taylor closes the door to drown out the rest of their conversation.

Biting my lip I turn away from the car. I am so humiliated. My battered heart; the pain is back! I'm such a fucking fool! His words crush me they cut right through me. Ha ha…The joke's on me. I slowly turn away from the care and begin to walk away.

Kate rushes over to me, puts a hand on my shoulder turning me around to get a better look at my face. She whispers for our ears only. "_Steele, look at me. What the hell just happened? What was that all about?_" Briefly meeting her gaze, I turn away as now my bottom lip begins to tremble. I am wheezing unable to catch my breath. I am really trying not to lose it in front of the Greys. I once again bite my lip to stop my lip from trembling with silent pleads beg for her to safeguard me away from this place. In an inaudible voice I beg her to have mercy on my heart. "_Kate, I can't go in there. No, I don't want to get in. Did you hear what he said? Please take us home. If you drank, I could drive. I didn't drink anything…if you want to leave with Elliott, give me the keys. I will get myself home safely. But please Kate, help me to get out now before I lose it here in front of all of them."_ My eyes are brimming with unshed tears.

I don't want to get into the same car with the man that keeps breaking my heart, the man that keeps rejecting me. I can't move from where I am standing. I am so degraded. Why did he treat me like this? First he tells me he wants to be friends, he gave me his number and then he tells me I'm harassing him. He declares that I am a little girl who needs to leave him alone. I stop all contact with him and finally feel like I am able to move on. Until tonight; God that kiss, the way he made me feel, the way my body reacted to him. He said he missed me, he sang to me, he devoured my lips and touched places that were never touched until today. He awakened my senses, my desires. He wanted me and in an instant…he humiliated then hands me off to his brother like I'm his to give away.

How could he be so cold-blooded?

Wrapping my arms around myself; I feel my lip quivering through my teeth. I have to go away now. "Goodbye Kate." I bravely tell her and begin to walk towards her car. Kate whispers something to Elliott and hugs him goodbye. He runs over to me and hugs my body from behind. Lifting me off the ground bringing his lips to my ear, he whispers "_I'm sorry Ana. My brother didn't mean those things. I don't know what his problem is tonight. But don't you worry…I'm going to kick his ass for making you cry on your birthday. Please don't be sad. Please don't cry little lady."_ Kissing the top of my head he puts me down ensuring that I am steadily on the ground and walks away.

I hear the car door slam shut. The vehicle doesn't move for a few minutes. I hear loud voices; a door opening and Elliott's voice growling "_leave her the fuck alone Christian, you were a real prick to her. How many times do you want to make her cry? Stop fucking doing this, Kate will drive them home. You can't demand shit from her. You already did enough! Look at her…she is crying. Don't make it worse."_ The door slams shut again very loudly making me wince. The car doesn't move. Kate and I begin to walk towards her car which is down the path. My shoulders are shaking from the tears I am no longer to hold back. I feel my phone vibrating in my purse, I open the text and can't believe what I see, a text message from Christian…

*_Look, I'm sorry for my harsh words, they needed to be said. I don't want to mislead you again. I'm no good for you Anastasia…just stay away from me. Please we are not leaving until you do. So either get in my car, or get in the car you came in but please just go. I really don't feel like beating my brother's ass to get to you. I need you to be safe. You mean too much to me, I'm sorry." _

Kate reads the text message and frowns. "_What the fuck is his problem? Who does he think he is? The hell with him! He is lucky I don't cut his balls off and feed them to the dogs! No more tears okay_. _It's your birthday, it may not have started the right way, but I promise you will be end the day with a bang! I have a wonderful birthday plan for you which will make you forget about Christian Fucking Grey."_ I look down at my phone and see a tear fall on the screen. I nod. I look up at Kate and am barely able to speak. _"Take me home please; I don't want him to see me crying. Please." _She hugs me and leads me towards the car. Once inside, I can't hold it in anymore, just like last year…I let the dam burst and cry the ache away.

We finally made it home. I go to my bed and close my eyes. Why did this happen again? Suddenly, I comprehend why tonight had to take place. A reality check, he showed me his true colors. That fantasy man I made up in my mind did not exist. This is the real man, cold, heartless and domineering. I am letting him go. I've had enough. I need to start a new chapter in my life. Tonight was the beginning and the end. Now I just need closure. I'm 19 years old and have the rest of my life to fall in love again. Right now school is my priority getting a career will follow and someday…maybe someday…love. I don't have time for games. I mean how many times someone will crush you before you get the message.

This is it. I am saying farewell. Sending him one final text message…

*_Mr. Grey, I finally get it. __The greatest step towards a life of simplicity is learning to let go_. _The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday. I know that everything is in perfect order whether I understand it or not. Mr. Grey, I think that I have cried for days, but now that seems light-years away, believe me when I promise you that I am __**NEVER**__ going back to who I was way back when. _

_Please also refrain from contacting me ever again. _

_Goodbye~ AS_

With that, I deleted his number made a vow to change my number first thing in the morning. This little heart of mine won't let you break it, not again. I've been hurt so many times by you and I can't take it anymore. I'm hardly breathing; the thought of never looking at those grey eyes again nearly breaks me. Although one more teary-eye, or sleepless night, just might kill this heart of mine. But in order to finally let go…I have to let it all out. Completely and utterly spent, the grief is so consuming. I am mourning more than our love, it is also a friendship that not many manage to obtain…saying goodbye hurts the second time around…but needed to be said to heal my broken heart.

CPOV

I just entered the living room in Escala and feel so fucking sad. I can't believe I did that to her again. I can't believe I said those words to her. I'm always making her cry. I am no good for her. I destroy everything. I wanted to tell her that Maureen and I did not work out. I wanted to tell her I have gone through 6 more subs trying to make them look like her, longing for them to smell like her. Wishing they would make as happy as she did. All they give me is control. I fuck them fifty shades of Sunday, but am never satisfied.

I need the one thing and the one person I keep pushing away. I don't have any excuses now. She is of age. There is nothing holding us back from each other…except, the fear of losing control and hurting her. Fuck! She deserves better.

**I.**

**Can't.**

**Stay.**

**Away.**

I need her, she is mine. I am hers. I almost told her today…I didn't know what I was feeling was…

_**Love.**_

Sitting back on the sofa with a glass of bourbon in his hand he closes his eyes and thinks back at how he almost told her the truth…

_Don't walk away. Not again. Baby, I am yours and you are mine. I can't let you go. I tried…but I can't let you go. I know I hurt you…I'm sorry. Please believe me I've always…Anastasia baby… I lo…" _Fucking Elliott! Shit! I'm going to kill him!I have to make this right. I have to tell her the truth. I grab my phone to call her and see a text message is waiting to be read. I open it and literally feel the whole world collapse…

*_Mr. Grey, I finally get it. __The greatest step towards a life of simplicity is learning to let go_. _The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday. I know that everything is in perfect order whether I understand it or not. Mr. Grey, I think that I have cried for days, but now that seems light-years away, believe me when I promise you that I am __**NEVER**__ going back to who I was way back when. _

_Please also refrain from contacting me ever again. _

_Goodbye~ AS_

_**NOOOOOO! Please Anastasia…I'm sorry!**_ Please don't leave me…don't say goodbye. I can't lose you. Dear God, don't take her away from me!

Falling back on the sofa, cupping my face with both my hands I finally do the one thing I've vowed to never do again…cry!

How did I get here with you, I'll never know?  
I never meant to let it get so, personal  
And after all I tried to do, to stay away from loving you  
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know  
And I won't let it show  
You won't see me cry

**Listen to Rihanna's song Cry ~ Christian listened to it over and over again as all he could do was cry. :'(**

**Please review. **

**I know it is painful to read…but don't give up…they need this…if he doesn't get the subs out of his system…their love would never really survive. **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…and S.C. Stephens…this is my version of their wonderful story.

**Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews. I'm sorry we've had to shed some tears together…But part of loving someone, is going through the pain and suffering. The question is how much pain and how much suffering before the happily ever after happens? **

**And our story continues…**

**Chapter 4**

"_**As Qhuinn looked at his best friend's handsome face, he felt as if he'd never known that dark hair, those blue eyes, those lips that jaw. And it was because of their long history that he searched for something to say, something that would get them back to where they had been. All that came to him was . . . I miss you. I miss you so fucking bad it hurts, but I don't know how to find you even though you're right in front of me."**__**  
**_― J.R. Ward, _Lover Mine_

_**The morning after…**_

Waking up I somehow feel…weird, renewed, refreshed but also have that dreaded feeling of grief, like when somebody you love has died. I guess in a way someone or something did die inside of me. _Love_ was the demise of my heart…_Love_ killed my soul. I know it is virtually impossible to stop loving someone overnight, but there are three other priorities that take precedence in my life. Three other mortals that deserve my unconditional love…

_Me._

_Myself and _

_I._

_If I am ever going to be able to truly love someone and let someone truly love me…I have to selfishly start to make myself the most important person in the world; that is where my new journey will begin…_

So here I am…19 years old. Today, I'm a little bit older and surely a lot wiser. How could this have happened over night? I know that this is virtually impossible, but that is my new mentality. Amazingly, the revelation of finally letting go has given me peace of mind. Letting my heart heal, airing out the pain, the suffering, the rejection, the disappointment, the false expectations has put me on a new path in life; _a new venture_. Out with the old and in with the new…my poor little heart will definitely need mending. It will need to be caressed and to be filled with the one thing that's made me miserable for the past two year. My body, my heart and my soul are ready to start fresh. I am excepting the one thing that scares me more than death. The one thing that has tortured me and has led to all this heartache and even to a series of unfortunate events; I am finally going to give myself to this powerful feeling…this powerful emotion that some claim to be earth shattering and life changing…we all know it as…_**Love.**_

_Ahhhh!_ Stretching feels great! I just feel different today. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe I am in denial, maybe this is the quiet before the storm. Whatever it is, I don't want to change it. I will embrace it for as long as stays within me.

One thing is for sure…I want to love, be love, make love, accept love and give love. Why did I think this man could want someone as inexperienced as me? I could never be enough for him. He told me all about his needs, his lifestyle and his desire for control. I have never had sex, I can't imagine doing that crazy BDSM stuff; so I can't be part of his lifestyle and I sure as hell will not let anyone control me! Christian and I unfortunately, were destined to fail. With a really heavy heart, I know without a doubt there is no looking back. Today will be a new day. I need to start my new path and see where it leads me, without the temptation of looking back.

No more dwelling on the "_what ifs_." It is time to get up and get ready for my birthday full of fun and celebration. Kate promised me this day will end with a bang. I am hoping that the "bang" is a good thing; knowing Kate, she was thinking of sex! I am so not ready for that…no need to be a heart-broken slut! Ready, set, go! Kate my faith is in your hands…well at least for today. I am surprised at how excited I feel. I really can't wait! I'm going to shower, get dressed and have fun today. I'm too young for all this drama. I want to see what is out there and enjoy my youth. No regrets, no more pain.

Walking towards the bathroom I notice my phone is flashing showing me there are messages waiting to be read. I know my family and friends have already bombarded my phone with sweet nothings. Their birthday calls and text are the best part of my day. My mother and my father; are the sappiest of the group…they always seem to leave me sweet voicemails about my baby years. Smiling to myself, I can't help but to be thankful for having all of them in my life. I don't know what I would have done without each and every one of them.

I have so many birthday wishes. I can't read all of them right now. I really need to get ready. Grabbing my towel and toiletries, I fill my bathtub with Kiehl's Vanilla/Lavender foaming-relaxing bath with sea salts and aloe. I really need to try to soak away my stress. As I am removing my clothes, I get lost in my thoughts thinking about the love of my life. "_Oh Christian…why? Shit! No I have to stop!_" I need to get out of this house today no matter what! Stepping into the very hot water my mind goes blank letting me rest and relax for almost an hour. I can't believe I was in the bathtub for almost an hour. Where did the time go? The water has gotten too cold, I am all pruned and even though I don't want to get out…I know that the real world is awaiting me. I step into the shower, wash my hair, shave, buff, exfoliate and finally make my way out of the shower and into my room to get ready. I pay extra attention to every strand of hair; taking the time to blow out my hair into silky straight strands. My make-up is light; nude lip-stick with a top coat of lip-gloss and thick mascara to enhance my already long lashes. I'm done, but I don't know what to wear. I need to speak to Kate about our plans for today before I decide on my attire.

Entering the living room, I find a note from Kate pinned to the one of the cushions on our sofa "_Happy Birthday Ana! I love you so much! I had to run a few errands and did not want to interrupt your relaxing bath. I will be back in a few hours. Dress in tight sexy jean, stilettos and the sexiest shirt you could find. We are going to a place that is casual but is full of very hot sexy beings…you probably guess what these beings are…yes you guessed it…MEN! ;)_

_Love, Kate"_

Laughing out loud at her last statement…_god I love this girl_. I really don't know what I would ever do without her. She is my best friend; the only person who goes above and beyond to make me happy. She is always looking out for my best interest. She'll be back in a few hours; I need to keep myself busy. I know what I will do…I'll finish reading my text messages and call my parents to thank them for the voicemail, flowers and gift cards. _Hmmm, where is my phone? Oh yeah, I know…it's on top of my bed_. Perfect. I'll read my mail and try to relax some more; something tells me I am going to need it. Tonight will be a really long night.

Entering my room, I lay on my stomach, crossing my legs in the air and finish scrolling and reading he messages. I notice the little mail icon is at the top of my phone indicating I have new email. This is strange to me because, nobody really emails me; I usually get text messages or voicemails. Maybe it's spam mail.

Clicking on the icon, the inbox opens up. Adjusting my pillows I turn on my back and click on the message. I was shocked to find an email from none other than _Christian Grey_. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to get an email from him especially since my last text message to him was to basically forget I ever existed. He is so stubborn; ignoring my text…I can't help but to stare at the phone. Should I read it? Is he going to shatter me with his words again, will I be able to ignore it? _Of course not!_ I have to open it and read it. I just cannot believe it. I got a message from Christian…I got a message from Christian…oh my god…I got a message from…Christian! Holding my phone to my chest and closing my eyes, I feel my heart beating fast, my head is spinning. The feelings I thought I pushed aside have resurfaced in full force…I have to read this. I am a glutton for punishment; knowing this might be another reminder of how much he doesn't want me, but I can't have closure if I don't read it.

I open the email and feel my eyes fill with tears…the title alone has already broken my heart…what the hell am I going to do when the love of my life sends me an email with the words "_Please give me a chance" _as his header. Dammit! Why is he doing this to me!

Swallowing hard, I take a deep breath and get lost in his words...

To: Anastasia Steele

Re: _**Please give me a chance…**_

From: Christian Grey

_My dearest Anastasia:_

_Thank you for reading this email, I know you've asked me to stop all contact with you…but I can't. I really need to say so many things to you. First and foremost… _

_I'm sorry for what I've done to you for the past year. I don't have the right to ask for forgiveness, but I beg that you find it in your heart to do so. I don't know why I've done the things I've done to you and I especially don't know why I've said so many cruel words to you. I guess the feelings I feel for you just have me scare and confuse. Until recently…I have to honestly say that I didn't know what was happening to me. _

_I tried fighting my feelings for you. I've been struggling with them since the very first day we met. I knew our age difference back then made you off limits to me but that did not stop me from wanting you so badly. I woke up from my nightmare the very first day I laid my eyes on you. I was a fool for thinking my life would ever be the same. The moment we spoke my life changed forever. Trying to live my life without you has made me realized that my world without you is meaningless. _

_Anastasia baby…I made myself believe you were my forbidden fruit. I__hated the way you made me feel, I hated the way you made me want you, I__ hated the way you made me love you. But most of all, I hate the way I was allowing myself to lose you._

_My grandfather Theodore once told me that as I get older I will discover __four questions that will determine the value of life. Last night I asked myself those questions and this is what I got…_

_What is sacred? __**You.**_

_What is my spirit made of? __**You.**_

_What is worth living for? __**You.**_

_What is worth dying for? __**You**__._

_The answer to all of these questions is simply…__**you**__. Nothing else matters. Nothing else is important, not else is worth living or dying for…nothing else but you. _

_Anastasia baby, I regret all the words that made you cry. Those __tears should have never been shed__. I regret saying so many harsh words to mask my own pain…I regret never being able to say…the words I should have said so long ago. _

_You're everything I've always wanted and more. It hurts like hell knowing that I can't have you ever again. I never knew it would be this hard to lose someone I really never had. You taught me everything. You gave me hope, you gave me love…and if this is the end. Than please…please I beg you to teach me how to make it stop. I don't know how to let you go. _

_I know you wish you never met me…but I truly hope you could never forget me. Baby, I can't__ stop feeling what I'm feeling for you even though I know and fear you've stop loving me__._

_I__ tried pushing you away, but it just made me want you more. _

_I tried forgetting you, but you've managed to now invade my dreams._

_I __never should have cared. But I did and I do care. I care a lot. I still fucking care! __This frightens me so much!_

_**Baby**_…_please believe me…_

_It's__not that I don't believe in love, I am just scared that it doesn't believe in me.__ But I'm more terrified of never having the chance to say to you in person while I look in your eyes, while I'm buried deep inside of you making sweet love to you…how much I truly and whole heartily_…_**love you. **_

_**Anastasia Steele, you are the love of my life. **_

_**I.**_

_**Love.**_

_**You.**_

_**So. **_

_**Much.**_

_I__ have __loved you since the first day we met. I loved you yesterday. I love you today. I still love you and in my heart, I know that I will always love you._

_I'm sorry it took this long to tell you. I'm dying without you. Please tell me I didn't lose you. Baby p__lease…please give me one last chance. I know I don't deserve it…but I'm on bended knees begging for your forgiveness. _

_Please take me out of my misery. I am just a second away…waiting to hear from you. But if today is not the day you want to speak to me…I just want you to know that I will wait for you until the end of time.  
_

_**Anastasia Rose Steele…I love you. **_

_Always yours,_

_Christian Grey _

_CEO – GEH…Hopelessly in Love with Anastasia Steele_

I am sobbing so hard I can't breathe. Closing my eyes, I fall back on the bed and hold the phone tightly to my chest. _Oh Christian, why oh why didn't you say these words to me last night, last year…hell why didn't you say them to me on the first day we met?_ I am so scared. I don't know what to do. I can't let him hurt me again. He is so mercurial. He loves me today, but hates me tomorrow? I can't take that risk again.

I know letting go of Christian is going to hurt like hell…_I am breaking my own heart_. This is the risk I have to take, I can't let him shatter me again…I won't let him. He had me and he lost me. I love him so much. But I have to let him go. I have to move on.

Closing my eyes I say a silent prayer. "_Lord…I need your help. Please help me; help him…help us to get over each other. I'm__tired of being sad, if letting him go is wrong, please let me know. Show me the way. If letting him go is going to make us happy, then give me some peace and make us strong enough to do so. I trust you lord; my faith in you to guide me through this goes without saying. I know you won't let me down. I just want to be happy and want him to be happy if sacrificing my love is what it will take…then that's what I am going to do."_Rolling over on my side, all I could do is once again cry my eyes out. I have to let it all out. I don't know if I should answer the email. I can't right now, I am too vulnerable. I have to think about what I am going to do. I can't do it today, because right now, right at this moment, all I could think about without a doubt are his declaration of love…_** "Anastasia Steele, you are the love of my life. I love you so much." **_I have to speak to him when my head is clear, not when it is filled with sorrow, pain and hurt. Not when it is confused and definitely when my heart is aching so much for this man. The tears are soaking my pillow. I can't seem to stop them from coming. My poor little heart is breaking while my inner goddess is doing a happy dance at the fact that Christian Grey is claiming to be in love with me. _**Yes, I know we are irresistible! But Girl, don't give in so fast. Make him suffer and grovel before you give in to him!**_

Kate storms into my room and jumps on my bed, she immediate realizes I am crying. I try to wipe my tears quickly, but nothing escapes my tenacious friend.

"_Oh hell no Steele, no more tears! What the hell happened? Go and get ready, put on your sexy panties and tight jeans and get ready to have the time of your life! We only have 2 hours to get there so get up, wash your face and get ready to go! There is no time for tears…not today." _

Rolling my eyes, I know she is right. I am not going to think about Christian or anyone else for that matter. Girl's day out! I grab my towel and stomp towards the bathroom like I'm mad, but I really am not, wash my face, touch up my make-up, my hair and finally get dress.

"_Anastasia!" _Kate comes running into my room and hugs me tightly. Shit! She just scared me half to death_. "I almost forgot! Happy Birthday Sweetie I love you!" "Oh Kate I love you too. Thank you for today…in case I forget to tell you…I had a really nice time." _We haven't left yet…but knowing my BFF…that is exactly what is planned for today…lots and lots of fun.

She kisses me on the cheek and holds me tightly_. "I promise to make this the best birthday ever…deal?" _I nod_. _

"_Thanks Kate, I love you so very much." _She smiles, wipes my tears and gives me a no more tears, no more feeling sorry, don't mess with me face. I can't help but to giggle. She has to finish getting dress, since I am basically starving; I turn towards the kitchen to make something fast for us to eat before heading out. "_I'll cook, hurry the hell up in there Kate, you did rush me and I really want to head out already_." Before I could turn towards her to see her reaction to my demand, I feel her hand land on my butt cheek. "_**Smack!**_" My head turns towards her so fast, I'm surprise I don't have whiplash. _"Owwww! Kate, what the hell was that for_?" I cup my butt cheek and begin to rub it; it is stinging and I'm pretty sure my butt cheek is red!

"_That Steele was 1 of 19 birthday butt smacks you will randomly get today. The very last one…which is the official "good luck" smack; the 20__th__ one will be given to you somewhere other than your butt. We will decide the location later. All the smacks will come from me…or others around me…but rest assure, you will definitely be spanked a minimum of 19 times by end of today." _

"_Uh I really don't think I'm going to like this game Kate, who's bright idea, was it to spank the birthday girl. I mean 19! Come on there has got to be a better game!_"

She smiles, shrugs her shoulders and lifts her chin "_It was mine…and you will play Steele. You will do whatever I decide for us to do today." _God she is so domineering_! _I narrow my eyes at her and continue my journey into the kitchen. Shaking my head, what am I supposed to do? There is no arguing with the tenacious Katherine Kavanagh. I wouldn't dream of denying her the chance to make this day extra special for me. I know she is going to make this the best day of my life! I really can't wait.

Once in the car, Kate revealed our destination; Seattle. She said we are going to have fun at a music center out there. We chat about everything. I finally tell her why I was crying and told her I would let her read Christian's email to me. I told her I needed to answer his message, she agreed for me to think a few days before really answering his message. I told her I was afraid of him showing up in person to get a response. She advised me to send him a quick message asking him for some time to absorb everything that has happened. "_Ana, if you ignore him, you are right, he might just show up on our doorsteps. Elliott did call me this morning and told me Christian wants to speak to you. I told him not today. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, I just don't want to see you sad anymore and besides today is your birthday…you should be smiling all day long." _Christian wants to see me…my heart just grew ten times bigger.

"_You are right Kate, I love him so much, but I can't keep letting me hurt me. That is what is scaring me so much right now and what has made me strong enough not to go running to him. You are 100% right, I do need to answer his email, but the official response, that has to be done in person. Good or bad, I am tired of making decision via text messages. He and I will have to face each other and deal with the 800 pound elephant in the room. Not today though and probably, not tomorrow. But I will send him a quick text message right now asking him for patience." _She continues to look at the road and nods

"_That's a good idea honey. Just do it, let's get this over and done with before we get there…but promise me…no tears okay."  
"I promise." _Taking out my phone, I open up the email and hit "reply."

_To: Christian Grey_

_Re: Your email_

_From: Anastasia Steele_

_Christian:_

_I really need to think about everything you've said before I am able to respond. Please give me time. Try to be patient. ~ A_

I kept it short and sweet and looking at the email…a bit cold and disconnected, but I can't lead him on and I can't give him false promises…He really has to let me absorb everything that has happened before I could make a decision about us_. _

His response comes via text…

_*Anastasia…If time is what you need, than time is what you will get. But I beg you not to give up on me…I implore you to please believe that my telling you the words "I love you" is not to confuse you anymore…it is simply what is in my heart and my soul. I need you to believe it…I can't be without you…please baby…I miss you so much. Give me one more chance._

_By the way, Happy Birthday baby…I love you._

_Loving you always…as a matter of fact…loved you always ~ CG _

Sighing deeply, I put my head back on the seat's headrest. Why the hell did Christian take this long to tell me how he feels? My thoughts are interrupted by Kate's squealing of the first signs of our destination; "_Ana! We are almost there! We will be there in a few minutes. You better be ready._" I smile all the way up to my eyes, "_I sure am!_" Changing my phone to vibrate, I place it in my back pocket and decide to do as we had originally planned…not think of Christian Grey, forget about my issues and just have fun!

**Six Hours Later…**

"_Oh my Kate, thank you so much! I am having so much fun!"_ I can't believe we are at Bumbershoot at the Seattle Center singing and singing my ass off! "Good! That was the plan." She screams just before giving my but another birthday swat. "_Smack_" that is number 12! I really don't care, the smacks don't hurt and I am having so much fun, her twitchy palms are not affecting me anymore.

My feet are literally killing me, I am nearly hoarse from screaming so much, I feel like I've been molested by random hands for the past four hours; but I am having the time of my life! Oh, and let me not forget the random butt smacks from different strangers who are obliging to Kate's request to wish me a happy birthday via a birthday smack. I have to shake my head, but must admit getting smacked by strangers is cracking me up. _**Whatever**_…

The lineup today had some of my favorite artist; _Goyte, Maroon 5, Katie Perry, Bruno Mars and Rihanna! _ I had so much fun! We met some girls at the concert today, Jenny and her friends who invited us back to a bar they claim as a hot spot out here; _**Pete's Bar**_. Two of the girls happen to work at the bar as waitresses and have told us the crowd is light and fun. She also added that the live band is not only hot…but totally rock. That was all the convincing Kate and I needed; music, drinks and hot men to glare at…we are so in!

So here we are, entering the bar continuing part II of my birthday Girl's night out. Jenny sits us close to the stage and orders some food and drinks for us. Kate and I told her we just wanted diet coke's since we were driving back home tonight and did not want to risk getting pulled over for drinking and driving or even worse…getting into an accident.

The bar was crowded and the people there were really friendly. The bartender "Rita" was hysterical. She was loud, a flirt and acted like she was god's gift to men. I was giggling at a stupid comment she had just made but turned my head to trying to be discreet. I didn't want her to be upset knowing I just saw the disgusted face the man leaving the bar did once his back was to her. My eyes lock on blue eyes that were staring at me. I look away feeling a bit uncomfortable but after a minute I try to pretend I am looking around again and see that those blue eyes were still staring at me. This gorgeous man was staring at me like I was the only person in the world.

I really hate it when men stare at me like that. I get embarrassed. I look down, unconsciously biting my lip and glance up at him quickly. He's looking at me with the sexiest smile I've ever seen. He lifts his beer to me like he's toasting before he tosses back the beer and drinks in all in one gulp. When he's done, he tilts his head and winks at me. There is an empty chair next to him. Placing his hand on the seat of the chair, he taps the chair and jerks his head for me to sit next to him. I furrow my brows, kink my lips and shake my head. "_Uh no lover boy…I don't think so_." He smiles and looks down shaking his head. He is so cute. He has the cutest dimples, messy hair, the deepest blue eyes, I've ever seen. Perfect features like you know who but with that bad boy sexy as hell fuck me in the back room look! Did I just think that? I hope I didn't say those words out loud.

Kate gets up and drags me onto the dance floor. This is my favorite pass time…dancing. We very quickly get lost in the music and the crowd that has somehow made a circle around us. A few moments later, I smell delicious manly cologne. Without seeing him, I know that the cutie across the bar is behind me. He is not touching me…but I feel him. I continue to dance, but turn around…of course; there he is…dancing very close to me but not touching me either. I smile, roll my eyes playfully and shake my head. He smiles, tilts his head and gets a little bit closer. I bravely close the gap between us and place my hands on his shoulder and we begin to sway to the music. Getting a closer look at him…wow he is very handsome and god, he smells so good. I move away from him and turn around but he grabs my waste bringing me closer to him; my back to his front. I could feel his breath on my neck. I feel him inhale while slightly running his nose along the side of my neck. "Mmmmm, you smell so good. I'm Kellen, what's your name sweetheart." Shit he's whispering in my ear but I feel something all the way in my core.

I turn to face him, still dancing I respond "Anastasia Steele, just call me Ana. You smell pretty good yourself, Loverboy." I smile, push him away, grab Kate who notices the hot man next to me and walk away flirtatiously. "Ana! Who the hell is that?" Kate asks as we make our way to the table. "Kellen Kyle" I tell her nonchalantly as if I've known him forever. "How do you know him? Did you just meet him? Oh shit Ana, here he comes and he's bringing his hot friends with him." I turn and look at him as he approaches the table. He leans down making me lean back and when our noses are just about to touch he stops. "Ana sweetheart, I have to go on stage right now to sing, but I want you to sit on the table right in front of the stage. I'm going to sing all of my songs directly to you. come baby." He grabs my hand, I grab Kate's hand, she grabs Jenny and so on and so forth. Six of us are occupying the table he set up for us and watch as this cutie begins to sing. His voice is amazing. He sang every song while glaring at me especially the songs about love. I was awed by him.

Once done, he hops off the stage, grabs a chair and sits next to me. "So? How was I?" I smile and dramatically close my eyes. "Kellen, that was amazing! Your voice is magical! Wow!" He leans in close to my ear "wow?" I pull away and smile while shaking my head...he is such a flirt, and so freaking cute... "Umhmmm...wow." He grabs my hand, brings my palm to his lips and kisses it. "That's what I said about you...Wow." I sit back but continues to hold on to my hand, rubbing it softly. We stare at each other quietly, lost in the music, in our thoughts and in each others eyes.

After a while, I realize I need a bathroom break, as soon as I stand up "smack" I receive the 19th birthday smack by my new friend Jenny. Kellen frowns and asked why is everyone smacking my butt And when can he try. i giggle then shake my head in frustration while looking at my best friend "_that would be her fault. I have to go to the ladies room. Kate, please enlighten Kellen while I'm away_." Rubbing my butt, I walked away without looking back.

Upon my return, I found that our crew was back on the dance floor and the only person at the table waiting for me was Kellen. Sitting down next to him, I glanced at my watch; 11:55pm. My birthday is almost over. This birthday was actually pretty good. This made me smile forgetting I had company.

He leans over and whispers in my ear "_You have a very beautiful smile, as a matter of fact; you have a very beautiful everything. Is it too soon to tell you how beautiful you are to me_?" I glance at him tilting my head slightly to the side while biting my lip. "_Yes, it is. You are embarrassing me. I am not beautiful, please don't tell me that._" He frowns and grabs my hand "_Are you kidding me sweetheart, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen_."

Rolling my eyes…what a cheesy line! I start to laugh. "_Pl…a…ezze. That was the cheesiest line I've ever heard._" I continue to laugh. He moves closer to me and runs his finger through my hair. This stops my laughter while intake of breath escapes me. "_Anastasia, you are beautiful. That is the truth. I heard it is your birthday today_." I nod, our eyes are locked. "_I heard you've been spanked all night long._" I nod again unable to move my gaze. "_I heard you have one more birthday smack coming to you…the good luck one…number 20. I volunteered to give it to you. Kate has allowed me to give you the last smack before you make your birthday wish. Is that okay sweetheart_?" He whispers getting closer to me; I immediately bite my lip.

I slowly close my eyes, his hands make their way to my hair and he grabs the back of my neck, we both tilt our head and "_**smack**_" our lips lock together. He kisses me softly but sexily, passionately, devouring me. My mouth opens letting in his tongue and we continue our delicious kiss. "_Mmmmm._" He moans into my mouth. "_You…__**kiss**__…taste…__**kiss**__…so…__**kiss**__…sweet. Mmmmmm_." My body feels like it could melt into this man's touch. I feel the kiss getting deeper and more desperate, fueling the fire between us. I pull away and put the needed distance between us. This can't go any further.

Clearing my voice I shyly look at him and give him a crooked smile. "_That was not a birthday smack Kellen._" He laughs and whispers while nodding "_Uh huh…our lips smacked together…that was definitely a birthday smack. Want to see me do it again?_" He leans in, but I stop him and smile.

"_I don't think so…but thank you."_ Looking around I spot Kate; she was watching us. She gives me a two thumbs up and smiles at me. I smile back and point to my watch; she knows it is time to go. We have a long drive back to Portland. "Sweetheart, don't forget to make a wish." He whispers. Closing my eyes, I silently make my wish_; I wish true love would finally find me_.

When I open my eyes, Kellen is very close, he moves closer and kisses me again, my eyes voluntarily close. My hands make their way into his hair and I give into the kiss. We kiss each other like we've known each other for ever instead of two people that just met. My heart is beating so fast. This kiss knocked the wind out of me. He leans his forehead against mine. "Could I take you out to breakfast tomorrow?" I pull back and stare into his eyes. "I live in Portland." That's a long way from here just for breakfast. "Then stay out here and I will pick you up. I'll pay for your hotel room. You could stay at the Fairmount." Kate walks over to us and interrupts "no need to pay Kellan, my dad has already done so. We are staying out here and must say goodbye. But we will see you tomorrow; we are staying until Sunday, now if you don't mind it's time to for the final part of my best friend's birthday. Turn around Ana. " I turn around to find a huge birthday cake with 20 candles; 19 + 1 for good luck lit on the cake. The entire bar begins to sing to me. At the end of the song, Kellen grabs my hand and gets on his knee and very slowly almost like a love song sings Happy Birthday to me again but in Spanish. God…it was so romantic and so sexy. "**Cumpleaños feliz**, **Cumpleaños feliz**, **Cumpleaños **_querida Anastasia_…** Cumpleaños feliz**." He leans over and gives me a soft kiss on my cheek. Wow…that was sexy but sweet.

I cut the cake, everyone eats, we dance a little more and finally, Kellen and his friends follow us to the hotel to ensure we make it there safely. He escorts us upstairs, but we stop by the elevator and say our goodbyes promising to meet for brunch once we wake up. We share another passionate kiss before he watches me enter my hotel room. What a night. I hug Kate and thank her profusely before showering and going to bed.

I am so tired and so sleepy…I am already drifting to sleep. My phone vibrates and when I look at the screen I can't help but to smile at the message. Kellan Kyle sent me a picture of us dancing. Someone must have taken the picture, but I must admit it is a very nice pic. We really do look good together. I don't respond I'm too tired. I am about to put the phone down when another text message arrives:

*_Morning_…_I know I left you a short while ago, but I can't stop thinking about you. Is it too soon to tell you I miss you already? I can't wait to take you out for brunch. I'll pick you up in the lobby and go to the hotel's restaurant. The food there is delicious. I love looking at your face. The moment I saw you…you took my breath away. You are so beautiful. I've seen many beautiful women in my life but have never met a real natural beauty like you. I know it is late. Go to sleep. Promise me to dream of me tonight as I will definitely be dreaming of you. ~ Kellen xoxo"_

Awww…he sent me hugs and kisses. I can't help but smile reading his cute text message. I'll answer him back, but keep it short and sweet.

_* You are so sweet Kellen. I can't promise but I will try to dream of you too. Good night. ~Ana :)"_

Lying back smiling to myself, I shut off the phone. I don't want any more interruptions. Sleep is my goal right now. I begin to dose off reminiscing of the wonderful birthday spent with my very best friend and my new gorgeous friend Kellen Kyle. Kate did live up to her promise…making this thus far the best birthday ever!

I finally fall to sleep but instead of dreaming with sea blue eyes…my dreams are filled with sad grey eyes reminding me just how much he loves me. "_I love you too Christian_" I say to him before he reaches for me and kisses me passionately. Although my day was spent with Kellen, I know that I will always belong to Christian. Even in my dreams, I can't hide from what is in my heart and in my soul.

The next morning…Escala

Taylor, get the car ready…I'm meeting my brother Elliott at the Fairmount Hotel for breakfast. We will be leaving in five minutes. Glancing down at my phone…still nothing from Anastasia. I know she asked for space…but for how long? I miss her and want to see her so badly. Maybe I should just drive to Portland and sweep her off her feet. No that won't work she is too stubborn and this might be too aggressive. It might backfire and send her further away from me. I just wish I knew what she was thinking and doing right now.

Fifteen minutes later we arrive at the Fairmount. I immediately spot my brother. He is not sitting on our reserved table. He looks flustered. He approaches me and starts to speak fast. This is a nervous habit he's had since he was a kid. I know he is trying to hide something from me. "What's wrong Lelliott? What's got you shaking in those boots?" I look around and find the one thing he is trying to keep me from seeing. Sitting cozily on a table for two right in the middle of the room is the love of my life. But she is not alone…she is sitting there with a douchbag. Fury fills my eyes.

Elliott tries to hold me back; I push him and give him a "_**don't fuck with me**_" look. He shrugs, rolls his eyes and steps aside. "_Don't do nothing you are going to regret, little brother. You need to make her want to be with you…not scare her away and for heaven's sake don't be a prick to her and insult her again. That is surely the best way to send her right into this kid's arms. If you are going over there…seduce her with your words. Leave her breathless…then walk away. I'm telling you I know what I am doing."_ I could feel my heart breaking. "I can't lose her Lelliot. I can't." He nods. "_Go get your girl Christian, make her fall in love with you again_."

I nod and make my way to the table. She is smiling but her smiles freezes when she notices me. I give her my best panty drenching smile and slightly arch my brow. Kneeling down I grab her hand "_Hello baby. It's so good to see you. Hmmm, Is this a private party? Or can anyone join in_?" Her eyes open wider and she bites her lip. I reach for her chin to release her lip and whisper "_baby…that lip drives me crazy…please don't bite it. That's my job_." I lean in and kiss her softly on her mouth, then suck her bottom lip. I hear her moan softly into my mouth. Fuck! I want her so badly. This girl drives me crazy in every way possible, but I love her so much!

Her date slams his hand on the table. Startling Anastasia and me. Taylor and Elliot move closer to all of us. He growls…"_Get your fucking lips off of my girl Grey. Who the fuck do you think you are?"_

I turn around and cannot believe my eyes…the douchbag trying to steal my girl is none other than the real life Douchbags; _Kellen Kyle_, the lead singer Of the band!

I smirk, stand up and glance at Kellen, turn towards Anastasia and answer his question with another question…

"_Your girl_" I say sarcastically. Tilting my head, I turn and ask Anastasia very softly "_Are you really his girl baby? Is this why you haven't answered me? I'm too late? Please say it isn't so."_

She looks at me, then at Kellen and back at me then releases the breath she is holding…her eyes get watery with unshed tears. She is barely able to speak but manages say whisper...

"_Christian…Kellen…I…"_ She closes her eyes and shakes her head. "_I can't. I have to go, thank you for my meal Kellen_." She stands, grabs her bag and walks away.

**Fuck! I think I just made things worse…a whole lot worse. Looking up at Lelliott…**

"**Now what?!" **

**Please Review. **_Kellen Kyle is from the Thoughtless Series…he is in love with Kiera in the books. In my story…he and Anastasia meet and something happens. Hmmm, seems like Christian may have a little competition. _


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…and S.C. Stephens…this is my version of their wonderful story.

**Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews**. I really hope everyone will continue with my story. I don't want to spoil the story with what is to come…so please try to keep reading it. Try to put yourself in their shoes… what happens when you have a breakup and a broken heart…what is the only thing that could make the pain go away…

**And our story continues…**

**Chapter 5**

He pulled her back, off balance so that she fell against him, and he took her face in his two hands and held it very still while his eyes looked down into hers. Somber, truthful, painfully honest. "I love you, Baby," he said. "Which is the most dangerous thing I could do."  
― Anne Stuart, _Black Ice_

I leave them both in the restaurant as I am unable to speak. I practically run upstairs to the suite Kate and I are occupying until Sunday. I really wish she was there waiting for me. She is not. Kate knew I was going to meet up with Kellen. She refused to be a _third wheel_; she booked a full day spa treatment. She will be gone for another three hours.

I can't believe this is happening to me. Of all the hotels and restaurants in Seattle, why oh why did Christian Grey have to walk into the one I'm in. This is too much. I really did not want to see him, not yet. The look on his face when Kellen said the words "_my girl_" to him broke my heart. His words come back to haunt me…

"_Your girl_? _Are you really his girl baby? Is this why you haven't answered me? I'm too late? Please say it isn't so." _The sadness in his eyes nearly broke me and the look on Kellen's face begging me to confirm his declaration made my stomach hurt too! Last night I wished love would find me. I guess the old cliché is accurate when you are warned to "_be careful what you wish for_." Now instead of one man, I have two having a pissing contest in the middle of a five star restaurant!

I mean really, it goes without saying that I am not in love with Kellen Kyle; I just like him. He made me smile last night, made me feel special and he is so very handsome. The passionate way he kisses me, holds me, touches me and looks at me is exactly what I have desired. I know Christian said he loved me and declared his happily ever after to me in his email, but after all I have been through with him; quite frankly those words are just empty promises. If only they were true. The thought of him and I finally acceding to each other is almost unreal; he hurt me. Plain and simple…he hurt me. What makes me think he won't do it again?

Sitting on the sofa in the suite, I open my phone and scroll down to the email and read it again…twice. I really should have stayed and spoken to him. I can't keep running from him. He can't keep pushing me away. I really have to decide for once and for all, what we are destined to be. Should I call him or text him? Or should I go downstairs and face the music. Why is Kate not here to tell me? Closing my eyes, I grab my hair on both sides and pull on it. Argh! This is so frustrating. Why is love so fucking complicated!

I guess my inner goddess has had enough. She looks up from her steamy romance novel, rolls her eyes and lets out an infuriated sigh…

_**You're kidding me right! Go downstairs and face the music. He said he loves you, he kissed you and left you breathless, stop torturing us and go speak to him! You know you want to do it! Don't forget to tell the cutie to leave! No sense in running into another pissing contest. Do I have to kick your ass all the way down to the lobby?**_

She is so annoying, but also right. I have to speak to Christian in person. Before I go down there I have to call Kellen and give him an explanation. That is the least he deserves.

Dialing his number, he picks up on the second ring. "_Ana sweetheart, are you okay? I'm sorry for how I behaved. Where are you? I want to see you. I want to apologize in person_. _We just met, but I really want to get to know you_. " I feel like such a bitch for what I am about to tell him. Did I lead him on? I know we've shared a few kisses but I never made any promises. I hate being the bad person and that is exactly what I am about to do.

I sit on the bed, feeling horrible, no sense in prolonging the inevitable. "_Kellen, I'm sorry for what happened downstairs. I'm sorry I let Christian kiss me while we were on a date. That was disrespectful on both ends. It just…you see…we have a long history and a complicated one at that. I don't know how to explain it._"

He interrupts.

"_You love him don't you? By the way he reacted to seeing us together I am guessing his feelings for you are mutual. The question is…does he deserve your love? More importantly, why were you at Pete's last night if you are both in love?"_ I really don't know how to answer his questions.

"_Kellen, I do love him, but it's complicated. We are complicated. All I know is that I can't move forward with anything or anyone until this is resolved. Are you still downstairs Kellen?"_ I want to go downstairs to speak to Christian but I won't…not while Kellen is there. I don't want to seem like a slutty bitch trying to make two guys fight over me. He doesn't answer my question. There is silence on the other end of the phone; was the call dropped.

"_Hello Kellen are you still there_?" I hear movement and then the slamming of a car door. "_Yeah, I'm still here sweetheart. But I'm leaving_. _I don't want to complicate things more for you. Ana, I really like you, but I can't be part of a love triangle. If Grey is the man that is in your heart…I am going to take a bow and step aside. But rest assure, please relay this message to him sweetheart…if he is lucky enough to make you his, he better hold on to you with vice grips because I'll be waiting on the sidelines and once he lets go…I'll be there to take you away. He better believe that if I am lucky enough to make you mine…I will spend the rest of my life cherishing you and loving you like a man should love a woman. You deserve that and so much more Ana."_ I feel a tear fall down my cheek. This man I met 24 hours ago is promising to sweep me off my feet and the man I met 24 months ago…who knows.

Whispering knowing that if I try to speak any louder I may begin to cry. "_Kellen, I'm so sorry. I hope you don't hate me. I never meant to._" He interrupts again.

"_No need for apologies sweetheart. We just met. We are friends right. I would be lying if I didn't tell you I wanted to be friends with benefits_ (**he chuckles making me giggle**) _just kidding baby, I knew I could make you smile. I love hearing you giggle and that smile…god that smile could make a grown man cry." _

Sighing deeply he continues. "_Ana, who knows what the future has in store for us, we were meant to meet last night. I don't regret kissing you. You are so fucking beautiful. Grey better treasure you. And if he doesn't…well you have my number. Give me a call. I hope we could stay in touch no matter what. There is no reason we can't keep in touch right sweetheart_."

Shaking my head like he was in the room I wipe away the tears that had escaped me. He is really such a sweet man. I know that I could easily fall in love with this wonderful, sexy man, but it is virtually impossible to love anyone else since my heart was given away to a grey eye Adonis in front of an emergency room a few years back.

"_No Kellen there really is no reason we can't keep in touch as friends. Platonic friends. Good bye Kellen. Thank you_." "Good bye Anastasia." He hangs up without another word.

I don't know what to feel. I guess in a nutshell, I feel bad for making him think there was a chance at starting something between us when I knew in my heart of hearts that nothing could ever transpire between Kellen and me. It's not personal with Kellen; the fact of the matter is my heart belongs to one man and one man only…no other man will come close.

I freshen up, change into skinny jean and a camisole and headed towards the door. I have to see him. I'm not going to call him. I rather just go downstairs and face the music. Christian and I need to move forward or need closure. This seems like a vicious cycle with us. Love me, leave me, hate me, want me, love me, leave me, hurt me….It makes me wonder how I can hate to love and love to hate the same person over and over again.

Grabbing my phone, I tuck it in my back pocket. I quickly head out the door but am literally stopped in my tracks, startled at what is waiting for me right outside my door…one leg up against the wall, hand in his pockets and head bowed…

I don't need to go far to find him…Christian is waiting right outside my room for me, he looks up and smiles shyly. "_Hello Anastasia, I've been waiting for you to come back out. I think it's time to speak…no more games…please baby…please…can I come in_?"

God…doesn't he understand…he had me at _**hello!**_

Before I could speak - and fathom what is happening, he walks towards me, a strangely uncomfortable expression is on his face, my door is still open, he grabs me by my wrist, and pulls me back into the suite and closes the door.

I can't speak and I seemed to be lost in his eyes; I've lost my train of thought, just being this close to him makes me lose all coordination. He bends walks closer to me, grabs me by my waste and pulls me to him. Our gazes meet and lock, sweeping me out of reality on a tidal wave of emotion, only this time is a different feeling…one that only he manages to evoke over and over again…_**desire. **_

What am I supposed to do? Oh god, why didn't I prepare myself for this possibility? My chaotic mind is wailing. I know the answer to that question. How could I have prepared myself? This man has evoked all types of emotions from me. How do you prepare to deny a man that has so much power over my heart, body and soul? This man who'd left me utterly boneless every time he looked my way since the day we met when I was too young to be touched. When it was illegal for him to reciprocate my feelings for him. But now, we are both of age, both adults; I am 19 and this man is twenty-four. Yet, nothing has changed. Until two days ago, we been apart for over a year, you would think that the reaction from my treacherous heart and body would be mild but no….disregarding the fact that he has successfully broken me not once, not twice but three times; the reckless part of my soul keeps begging for more. There is no way I could resist.

My eyes leave his face and take him in from head to toe…slowly absorbing all of him, his scent, his body, his face, his hair and the tightness in his jeans from arousal that is evident to see; god, he is sexy. Dark, dangerous, the sense of the untamed just barely suppressed below the surface need to control my mind, my body, my heart, my soul.

His face was is impossibly handsome. He has grey eyes that seem almost dark with lust now. Those eyes see right through me, they seem to hold all the mysteries in the universe, a perfect nose that flared slightly when he was angry, exasperated and now to my surprise, his nose is flaring because this man in front of me feels just like me, his nose is flaring because he is aroused. His perfect features look tense, like he is trying to hold back, control the wild beast that is begging to be released. We are both breathing heavy, neither one of us has touched the other, but the sexual desire, the sexual tension continues to be an enigma between us. Unable to keep control myself, I feel like my insides are on fire, melting me from the very depths of my core.

"_Christian_" I whisper as I lean forward and brush my lips against his. I know we have to talk, but right now, this is what I want, this is what I need, I've waited so long to be loved by him and now…I don't want to wait anymore…I want to give myself to him…I don't know what tomorrow will hold, what tomorrow will promise…but today…the only thing I am sure of is that I love this man and this man loves me and that is enough for me…for us…

"_Christian, please, I need you_." I move closer to him, but he denies me and moves back. Oh why is he torturing me? Realization hits me; he doesn't want me. He came here to tell me this was all a mistake, he takes all those beautiful words back. I can't live through this pain again. I close my eyes as I feel them fill with tears. I can't mask the pain. I won't hide from the pain anymore. I need to rip off the Band-Aid. I have to let him know that this is the end of my road; this is the end of us.

"_You don't want me? I thought that…Oh god…Christian, I'm sorry. This is not new with us is it? I am such a foolish woman. I keep doing this to myself. Why? I can't do this anymore. This between us_ (**pointing towards each of us back and forth**) _is finally over. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I don't want to love someone that doesn't want me. I feel like an idiot thinking you wanted me…how could you? I am not one of them…I'm not a sub. I can't fulfill your needs, I am inexperienced. I am not enough and you_ (**sobbing as my tears are now flowing freely down my face**)…_you…don't love me…so this is." _He interrupts me and pulls me towards him. "_**ENOUGH**_!" He barks.

"_I'm sorry I hurt you Anastasia, I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. I wish I could take it all back. Unfortunately, I can't. I have to live with the fact that I have wounded you so deeply that you distrust what real love is. Look at me... I loved you. God, I've never loved anyone the way I loved you. I would give you everything I have and more to give if you'd only let me in a little, if you only stop fighting me, stop fighting it and let me show you…let me prove it to you…let me love you…while I'm making love to you._

His tongue brushed the delicate shell of my ear. Blowing a light breath over the moist spot; making me shiver. I feel weak. How could I resist him? I don't think I could find the strength when he is this close to me. I can't catch my breath. I am breathing hard just from his nearness.

He pulls _me_ into him in a very _close_ embrace and his hand slides into my hair. He whispers "_You want me to show you how I feel about you? You are so beautiful, you take my breath away. I want you so much it aches not to touch you. I want to show you. Tell me you want me to…tell me baby…let me hear you say the words._" "_I love you Christian, Yes, I want you…please._" He growls and closes the distance.

His lips finally devour mine; I can't stop the trembling that is shimmering through my body. I have to grip his shoulders tightly as he nibbled at my mouth, barely registering his fingers at the waistband of my jeans releasing the button and lowering the zipper giving him access to my panties. His hand is inside my panties; long manly fingertips are circling my sensitive bud as he pushed my jeans and panties off my hips. I am fully exposed from my waist down. He dips one long finger into my wetness. " _Baby, wow, you're so wet. You're dripping. I like that baby…so very much."_ Another finger dips inside of me making me cry into his mouth. He stops and looks at me. "_Shhh, oh baby, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? Do you want me to stop_?" My hand grasps his hair and pulls him closer to me. "_God no, I just wasn't expecting that. No don't stop, I want you so much." _I sound almost desperate_. _There is no way I want to stop now. I pull him backwards towards my bedroom, we make it inside and he shuts the door and locks it. I grab him once again and continue to kiss him passionately, moaning into his mouth.

His finger is once again on my bud and the feeling is making me lose control. I want to feel him too. The hand on his shoulder slide down over his broad chest, I feel him tense up but quickly recover when my fingers continue down south mapping the planes of his muscles all the way to the clasp of his pants. He helps me open them since I can't seem to do it myself. I am nipping along his neckline as I reach inside, wrapping my hand around his throbbing cock. I may not have experience with men, but there is no doubt in my mind that this man is blessed with his family jewels. Just holding it I know that this man is big, smooth and seems to be getting bigger and oh-so-harder against my palm as I stroked him base to tip. He puts his hand over mine and shows me how to grip him and guides my hand up and down showing me how to pleasure him.

He groans and presses his forehead to mine looking into my eyes as I look into his. He looks so sexy, so full of need, so full of lust and desire. I feel empowered to literally give this man pleasure with just my hand. "_Yes, baby, like that. Don't stop. That feels good_." He leans over and kisses me sucking my lips and my tongue. I moan into his mouth and continue going up and down his thick cock feeling some wetness at the very tip. He glides his finger in and out of me; stretching my insides with his finger. The feeling is indescribable. The ache in my belly is almost burning. A yearning I've never felt before, I need the fire to be put out. I feel like I could implode. Another finger slides inside of me not hurting me this time and his thumb makes it way to my clit. I could feel my body getting tense. My breathing was heavier harder to control. We were both breathing harder.

"_Take your shirt off baby_." I removed my hands from his cock and his hair and pulled my cami slowly over my head, his fingers were still working like magic. "_So beautiful_" he whispered. I looked into his eyes and reached back to unsnap my bra, removed it and let it fall next to us. He stopped, moved back and slowly looked me up and down. I was standing there naked feeling shy my eyes looked down. He lifted my chin with his finger and whispered "_don't be shy Anastasia, look at me. You are so beautiful._" I closed my eyes. Holding me tightly with one arm he shoved his clothing out of the way with the other, he began to caress my back, my butt, while squeezing and touching me everywhere. "_God you're beautiful," _he murmured into the curve of my neck. _ "Oh God, so beautiful. So beautiful…so…hmmm wet and beautiful."_ Christian's fingers had reached their goal once again making my back arch into him.

My head dropped back, my body thrumming with the intensity of unexpected emotion. I felt his lips on my breast, my nipples, sucking and caressing them while he continued working my bud. My body was trembling so much I was feeling weak, barely able to stand. He moved up to my collarbone and over my neck, on the tip of my chin. I lifted my head, my eyes were closed waiting for the feel of his mouth against mine once more.

"_Open your eyes, baby_," he breathed, and I slowly did. He was staring at me with a look I've never seen before, scared, worried, desperate, but most of all…there was such an intense look in his eyes. "_You are mine, Anastasia, it might take a while to get things sorted out but I will never leave you again…ever, but if by chance something happens making us part, please baby, please Anastasia…Promise you'll wait for me - that you'll give whatever this is a chance. Don't give up on us."_

I felt the tears were spilling slowly down my cheeks as Christian stilled, waiting. The request was so formal, and yet so primal. The Dominant within him was claiming me, marking me as his own, and instead of being insulted by it I found myself longing to belong to him. I had to believe that he wanted me and would still want me after all was said and done.

"_I'm yours_," I whispered against his lips. He rewarded me with a crushing kiss his hands began to move down my body spiraling pleasure rushing through it. I let my eyes close again wanting to give myself completely to the man I am so in love with. My body is tingly all over. His touch is making parts of my body feel whole not knowing that anything was missing until his touch restored what was missing.

His hands gripped my hips. He stopped and looked at me again. We both moaned and his lips crashed over mine again. Fireworks exploded inside my head as he breathed into my mouth. Our tongues danced with each other, a sultry dance of passion and need. When he pulled away, his breath came out in a harsh rush, as though letting go of me had been painfully hard.

"_Anastasia,_ _Let me be your first._" His lips lingered over mine before he claimed my mouth once more.

"_Please_," I whispered against his lips.

"_Please be my first Christian and be my last too. I'm yours, I'll forever be yours."_

He wrapped one arm around my waist and carried to the bed. He laid my body softly on the bedspread. The silky fabric appeared cold on my skin, cooling my heated and flushed body, temporarily.

He moved over me and lay in between my legs. He gently stroked his cock over my sensitive core making me whimper and arching my back. "_I want to taste you first baby, open those beautiful legs_." Positioning me, he spread my legs. His hands raced up and down my thighs as his head dipped toward my already drenched center. The instant his tongue lashed against my clit, my back arched to allow more pleasure. I nearly bucked off the bed; my hips were moving trying to connect with his mouth, his lips with his tongue.

Licking my core, his tongue dancing seductive circles around my clit. "_Ah. Christian. Please. Don't_. " I could not finish…the magic that was happening between my legs had me lost in space. "_Don't what baby_," he said as he continue to suck, lick, bite, and tease my entire center making my body quiver. "_That's right baby…feel it…let me taste all of you. Come for me baby…come for me now."_ The moan escapes my lips and rings through the room saying words I myself could not understand. "_Christi…ah…wwaaiitt…yes…aaahhhhh….oooooo….mmmmmm_." My skin tingled. Heat raced over my body as hot liquid spilled inside my cunt down his chin. "_Mmmmm…mmmm, you taste so sweet." _Just when I was coming down from my earth shattering orgasm…he inserts two fingers in me and touches me deep within reigniting the flames and making my body go crazy with his touch riding the title wave of pleasure once again.

"_Yeah…That's right baby…yes, just like that…come for me, don't fight it. Let it go…fuck my fingers baby…yeah like that_. _You're so beautiful Anastasia…God I'm the luckiest man alive…you're so beautiful, come for me right now," _he demands in a raw and husky voice making me fall over yet again.

When I finally came back to earth, I open my eyes and see the love in his face. Smiling he whispers, "_Hi_" and kisses me softly on my lips. Barely able to catch my breath in a shaky voice I smile and reply, "_Hi_" blushing and biting my lips.

"_Are you okay? We don't have to continue. This is enough for me_." I look down and see his cock is still fully erected. It actually looks like it could pop off of his body. I want to pleasure him as much as he just pleasured me.

"_Yes, I want to continue_." I lean forward and reach for him, trying to pull him up. "_I want to feel you inside of me…now…please…I want to feel you inside of me." _He lifts his head and groans. "_And you will baby… _

He grabs the condom I didn't realized he placed next to us. Leaning up, he rolls it on slowly while looking at me. He doesn't need to look down. He knows what he is doing. Seeing him touch himself makes me feel wet again… wow he is so sexy. I never knew I could desire someone so very much.

Making his way back over me, in between my legs, he rubs his thick cock over my wet core and over sensitized clit and then he slowly places just the head of his cock over my entrance. "_Are you sure baby? I don't want you to feel pressured? I want to make love to you so badly, but I will stop if this is only for my sake." _I moved my lips up his neck running my tongue to his chin and making my way to his mouth._ "Make love to me Christian…please don't make me beg." _

Groaning against my mouth he pushes into me. He entered me a little bit, the feels alien to my body, but at the same time by body is longing for it…burning for it. Both of our bodies are wet and glistening but Christian's hair is drenched. His entire body is wet from head to toe. So sexy, I could feel his heavy breath in my mouth. He is trying to be gentle, I could feel his body trembling and needing a release he is trying to hold back. I need him inside of me; I want to feel all of him inside of me. I crave the connection, beg him to finally break the barrier and enter the no going back zone.

"_Are you okay, am I hurting you baby_." He is moving in and out but has not entered me fully. He is allowing his tip to enter me trying to open me a little bit more with each movement. I want to feel him inside of me all the way. I know it will hurt, but I want to feel him inside of me already. "_Yes, I'm okay, you're not hurting me. You're teasing me. Just do it baby, get it over with, go all the way in_. _Please I want all of you inside of me_." I pull him to my mouth and kiss him. Our kiss becomes desperate, deeper and more passionate. Christian pulls out all the way, he grabs my hips and spreads my legs wider; bringing both legs up to his hips, he stops to look at me. His breathing is fast, his nostrils flaring, his heartbeat was pounding on his chest, I swear I could almost hear it.

I look up at him and whisper " _I love you Christian. So very much_." He groans " _I love you too_," as he slams right into me taking my virginity in one shot. "_So fucking much_. _So tight, Fuck Ana, you're so fucking tight_." His voice is raw with desire. My nails clamp his shoulders, my back arches, I close my eyes and I bit my lip to mask the pain. Tears escape out the corners of my eyes.

He stops and cups my face and wipes my eyes, "_Baby, look at me, I'm sorry…I hurt you…I'm sorry_." I open my eyes slowly and smile, "_I'm okay. I promise_. _Please continue, make the pain turn to pleasure. Make me come again Christian. Please."_

He kisses me again. "_You're amazing baby, so beautiful._" He begins to move in and out of me. It hurt for a little while longer, but Christian soon moves his finger down to my clit making my pain turn into pleasure. I am now moving with him. Listening to his words in my ears, telling me to keep up with him, whispering sweet words to me. Kissing me deeply. Our bodies are on fire. We can't get enough of each other. I start to feel the same feeling I felt and I know I am close to coming. Christian knows it too…he feels it too.

My body tightens as his thrusts come faster, harder, better…more insistent. I am meeting him thrust for thrust driving him crazy. My body begins to quiver, I can't control the feeling. "_Shit Baby! You are so fucking tight, so warm and so wet. You are everything I need…I love you so fucking much…believe me…no matter what happens…please believe me…open your eyes and look at me baby _**(I open them as we are now locked in each other's gaze**_) I love you…I need this baby…Please come for me Ana, I can't hold on any longer. Come with me baby."_ The tension we both feel before letting go coils stronger, finally exploding from my core with a shocking intensity as I feel him burst inside of me.

"_Ah…Ooooo…fuck…Ana…sta…sia…a…ma….zing….shit….fuck."_

We are both floating, all of the tension draining away as we collapse into each other's arms. He turns us over, making me lay against his chest, kissing my neck, my hair, my lips and running his hands up and down my back. "_I love you so much Anastasia. I love you so very much. Please believe that baby…please."_ I open my eyes, still trying to catch my breath. All I could do is nod. I can't even speak. He rolls me over and pulls out of me making me wince. "_I'm sorry I hurt you. Are you bleeding?"_ I am about to answer when I hear banging on my bedroom door…

"_**Anastasia Rose Steele, you better not be getting laid in there! Open this door right now**_!" Kate is back and she sounds pissed. **"Whoever is there with you better get going because your dad is on his way up!" **Christian and I both sit up…

"_My dad? Why is he here_?" Wrapping the bedspread around me, I run to the door, open it and yell to my best friend "_Kavanagh! What the fuck have you done? Why did you call my dad?"_

She storms into the room and was surprised to see Christian Grey in my bed…I guess she was expecting someone else…but who? Wait! I just met him last night…did she really think I give Kellen Kyle my virginity after meeting him 24 hours prior…is she fucking kidding me! "_Steele, tell me you didn't do it…tell me you didn't give him your virginity." _I cut her off_. "Kavanagh, not that it is any of your business…but as a matter of fact I did. So what! He loves me and I love him! We are both consenting adults. I don't need to explain anything to you and I don't need your fucking permission either!" _

She turns her gaze towards Christian and yells "_No…none of my fucking business…then tell me why my family friend __**Sue Familio Lathrop**__ was just bragging about the sexcapade she had three nights ago with one Christian Grey! She said they fucked fifty shade of Sunday in every possible position from dusk to dawn! She said she never had so many orgasms in one night…she almost combusted right on the massage chair reminiscing about it. She also said they had a date scheduled for tonight. It was supposed to be a one night stand, but she claimed she rocked his world and he begged her for more! She said he called her this morning as asked her to meet him here after he finished lunch with his family." _Christian stands up and quickly puts on his boxer, not caring that my best friend was in the same room.

"_Katherine, shut the fuck up! It's not like that. That was before I saw Ana again. That was before I realized what I had with her. That I love her." _He turns to me and sees the tears that are not spilling down my face and through a sob I am barely able to say…

"_Three days ago? You begged her? You were going to meet her tonight? Is that why you are here? You sent me that email yesterday…you were begging me to take you back…yet you called her this morning. Explain that Christian. You called her this morning! How could you? That is what you needed to get resolved…that is what you needed to take care of, what you told me about as you were fucking me and telling me I was yours and you were mine! You fucking bastard! Ha! I guess the jokes on me, right Christian? You got what you wanted…now…Get out!" _He runs to me, both hands on my arms, tears running down his face.

"_Ana baby, please I love you. It's not like that. Let me explain…please baby…I thought you didn't want me back. It happened before we say each at the Frat party…yes, I did call her today, but it was not to fuck her Ana, we had planned on getting together today, we made plans on the day we parted. I wanted to tell her I could not see her again because of you…please baby…please believe me. I love you. I can't be without you. Don't do this please." _

Shaking my head I can't hear this. He fucked me knowing he was meeting with another woman tonight. What a fucking fool I always manage to be when it comes to him. I feel like I am about to drown. I need him to leave…I can't…I scream_ "Get out! You got what you came for! You fucked me… we are done! Now… get out!" _

He falls to his knees and grabs both my wrists,_ "Ana no baby please! I can't be without you…please don't do this! Baby please…hear me. I love you…" _I yank away from him_._

He is about to say something else when we hear a man's voice behind us. _"You heard my daughter…she asked you to leave. Now I suggest you leave before I put a bullet through your fucking eyes for making my daughter cry and for as she stated for fucking her." _Christian is glaring at my father wanting to howl at him but knowing he is my father he is trying to control his temper.

"_Sir, let's go." _I hear from the other room.

"_Christian, come on get dressed, let's not make this worse." _I hear another man's voice.

I turn around to look at my father and I notice Christian's body guard and brother are also in the suite. I turn towards the bathroom and run inside, locking the door and scream_ "Everyone Get the Fuck Out!"_

I climb in the shower and try to scrub his hands, his mouth, and his touch away from my body unsuccessfully. He is imbedded in my soul. Succumbing to the pain once again in my heart I sit on the floor and cry. I begged him not to go it…I begged him not to hurt me… the one thing I beseeched not happen; did happen once again…

_**Christian Grey once again used me and made me fall deeper in love with him. He played his mind games with me…just to see me crumble. **_

**Please review…**

**Don't hate Sue…she didn't know about Ana…she was not and is not a crazy stalking submissive. She is only a woman he met and had a one night stand in order to try to get the love of his life who he threw away out of his system…**

This chapter is dedicated to my friend Sue Familio Lathrop…

_Sue…I hope I didn't disappoint. ;)_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…and S.C. Stephens…this is my version of their wonderful story.

**Just a fyi to all my followers...I fucking love Christian Grey! I would rather die then to kill him...so no! hell no He is not dying in my story! none of my characters are! I just changed it to romance from angst! No offense to my colleagues and their story...but he'll no! the only thing that would die after hard sex is his penis! And even that is temporary...**

**Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews**. Some are really funny. I'm glad you all didn't hate Sue…she is a lucky girl! Anyway…

**And our story continues…**

**Chapter 6**

"Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about."

~Winston Churchill~

"_Are you fucking happy Katherine? Did that make your fucking day to rip your so call best friend's heart out? Why would you do this? You knew Anastasia was a virgin, you knew this was her first time, our first time, why would you want to tarnish this wonderful, beautiful experience we just had with your false fucking accusations. I am going to tell you this once and once only so pay attention and try to keep up…_

_**I fucking Love Anastasia Rose Steele! I did not use her! She is the love of my life! I cannot breathe without her! Do you fucking here me? **_

_Ms. Kavanagh…never underestimate the power of love, just because you obviously have never lived through it. __I __live my life for her, I give my heart, body and soul to her, my heart beats for her and for our love I want to live every moment of my life. I love that woman from the bottom of my heart and I will live and fight until my very last breath for our love. Not you or our families and not a fucking one night stand before she and I happened will keep me from showing her how much I love her. __**She is mine and I am hers.**__ You got it?_

_I finally understand what true love means... _

_Caring for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be! I want__ to try to make things right because picking up the pieces is way better than leaving them the way they are right now…I would rather die a thousand deaths then to live one life without her in it. So next time you want to mettle in our love life…try finding out the facts…before assuming the worse!" _

She is speechless. Her eyes are filled with tears. She looks towards the bathroom where we could all here my poor Ana crying her eyes out.

"_What have I done? Oh my God, Christian, I'm sorry. I just wanted to protect her. I love her just as much as you; she is my sister... You are right, I ruined this for her. She deserves to be happy. She is such a good person and I am…I am such an evil friend for making her suffer like this. I...I will try to make this right. I'll right this wrong. She will listen to me. Let me fix this…please." _

I've managed to get dress, running my fingers through my hair, I know that this will be harder to put together than just an explanation from any of us. I broke her again…she's like humpty dumpy where all the kings' horses couldn't put her back together again. Walking towards my brother and Taylor I ask them both to leave and take Kate with them. Before I could make things right with Ana, I have to address her father; this will not be an easy task.

"_Mr. Steele, my name is Christian Grey_." I extend my hand but he looks at it with disgust before he shakes my hand.

"_I know who you are. My question to you is how the fuck do you want to die, slow and painful or fast and quick_."

I see the rage in this man's eyes and I know he isn't joking. Shit I would do the same if anyone hurt Mia like this. I do want to earn his respect, but right now the priority is Ana. Swallowing hard I square my shoulders and look him straight in his eyes.

"_Mr. Steele, I deserve a slow and painful death for hurting the love of my life again. I assure you that it was not done intentionally. I know I don't have the right to asks this of you…but I would like to speak to Anastasia…alone. I have to explain what happened and Sir…if Ana decides to end our relationship after tonight_," my eyes get watery, a lump in my throat, the thought of it is almost punishing.

"_I promise you I will do two things…number one…do as she requests and leave her alone…and number two hand you the gun to take me out of my misery, because Mr. Steele, living this life without the love of my life, your daughter Ana, is unbearable. So I am asking for you to also leave and let me fix this wrong_." He looks like he is about to blow a gasket.

"_You have got to be fucking kidding me! Do you really think I am going to leave you alone to hurt my daughter again! I came down here to celebrate her 19__th__ birthday today with her, take her shopping, by her dinner. I tried to surprise her and guess who surprised who. Never in a million years did I think I would find my daughter in a hotel room with a man who has clearly taken advantage of her. You want me to take you out of your misery? You got that right…I am going to fucking murder you for what you have done to my daughter. You used her, fucked her; wam, bam, thank you, ma'am! I should…"_

He just hit a fucking nerve! I've heard enough! I could deal with him cursing me, belittling me and threatening me…but I will not allow him or anyone else to tarnish what happened here today.

"_I didn't fuck Ana…I made love to her_!"

His words have me over the edge; my anger has the Dom in me standing in full velocity. He thinks I don't fucking love her, well fuck him! The only person right now that I have to prove my love to is the one person we all have in common…Anastasia.

"_Fuck you; I didn't fuck your daughter. Again…I made love to her…I love her…with all due respect to you…if I ever here you speak about her in that way…I don't give a fuck that you're her father…I will knock your fucking teeth out. That woman in there is the love of my life, I am going to marry her and dedicate my life to making her happy. If I get your blessings that will make things easier, better, but understand this…with or without your blessings and your permission I will make her happy…how you feel and your anger towards me right now is beside the point…if Ana decides to give us another chance…there is no way in hell I am going to allow you or anyone else for that matter to try to come in between us! Now get the fuck out of here so I could talk to my girl! Taylor! Remove Mr. Steele now!"_

Taylor, Kate and Elliott walk back in and convince Ray to go with them. He cursed me all the way out the door. Fuck him! I don't give two shits what he thinks. Right now the only person that needs me is my baby.

I call the hotel security and manage to get a key to unlock the bathroom. I see and hear her. She is sobbing so hard in the shower. Her small frame is on the floor, her knees are up and her head is leaning in between them. I am a fucking loser. How could I do this to her? What could I possibly say to her to fix this? Removing my clothes, I open the door and get in the shower with her. She doesn't know I am there at first. I slide down to the floor and envelop her in my arms. Her body goes rigid realizing I am in there with her, but I am not letting her go. I tighten my arms around her and move her towards me. I have to make this better. It's going to be hard since my own tears are clouding up my eyes and the lump in my throat is making it hard to speak.

"_Shhhh, baby, please don't cry. I hate that I make you cry so much. Please listen to me; Sue happened before I wrote you that email, before I saw you at the frat party. You and I had not seen, nor talked to each other in a year. I had forgotten all about our agreement to meet here today until after I saw you in the restaurant. I didn't want to leave without seeing and speaking to you, so I asked her to meet me here later to sign a NDA since we didn't get one signed when we first met, then I was going to tell her we could not ever happen again because of you. I am in love with you. Anastasia baby, believe me when I tell you, I need you so much. I love you so much. I want to make this work, make us work. You are the most important person in my entire existence. Please believe me."_

Her sobs have subsided; she is still trembling and she is hiccupping, but I know she is listening to me and I am beginning to feel optimistic. "_Baby, look at me, please turn around_."

She turns to look at me and hugs me tightly. "_Christian, I'm sorry, please, I can't go through the pain again…please it…hurts…too…much."_ I cup her beautiful face with both hands as the water is cascading above us.

"_Baby, I know. I'm sorry. I promise you no more pain. Today I__ solemnly vow that I am done causing you unnecessary pain...I don't want to ever hurt you again. I am yours. I'm letting you get the best of me, letting you control my feelings and letting you brake me down. I try to be so strong, shit I am a fucking Dom…but when I see you all that goes away, I become your submissive. If that is what it takes, I will do it for you. I would do anything just for you to say that you believe that I am truly sorry. Please baby…give me another chance. I so desperately need to hold you in my arms and hear you say that you will be mine forever please_."

I lean in and kiss her very softly; she whimpers into my mouth. "_I love you Anastasia, only you. I've never said those words to anyone ever in my life. The way I love you scares me so much. You're the__ thought in my dreams. You're the vision in my eyes. You're the sound in my ears. You're the words in my mouth. You're everything I need. You're everything I want. You're everything that makes me, me. Without you; I am nothing. Without you; I am a shell of a man and without you; my life does not exist. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I tried forgetting you by using other woman. I'm done with that, I don't__ want to find someone like you; I want and need the one and only __**you**__. I'm yours and only yours. From this day forward baby, I am yours. I have been yours since the day we met, but we could not be together back then…but now, I'll be damn if I don't fight to make this right. I don't only want you baby…_

_**I.**_

_**Need.**_

_**You.**_

_We made love baby, I've never made love to anyone before, and I don't want this to end. Please give us another chance."_

She closes the distance between us; her hands go to my hair pulling me roughly to her. I groan in her mouth and the kiss deepens.

"_Christian, don't hurt me again. Promise me you won't do this again, please it will kill me. I can't do this again. I'm too weak to say no to you but even weaker to lose you. So yes…yes…I believe you…I'll give you…us…another chance_." Fuck! She just made me the richest man alive!

"_Really baby? Please say it again_." I need to hear it again.

Giggling she whispers, "_Yes, Christian I love you and want us to try again. I believe you_," she blushes then bites her lip.

I can't help the groan that comes out of my mouth. I grab her by her waist and bring her to me. "_Anastasia, baby…I fucking love you! Shit, I'm so fucking hard for you right now. I want you so much. I need to be inside of you again. I'm aching for you. Baby, wrap your legs around me…I'm going to take you again…right here…right now…fuck! I feel like I could come just by looking at you_. _I'll try to be gentle…but I want you so much…I can't promise you anything_."

I lean her up against the wall and slam my mouth to hers. I want to make love to her…but the thought of losing her…and now she is giving us another chance…my cock is so fucking hard, it feels raw. I need to claim her, make her mine and I need to see her get lost in our passion again. I want to hear her scream my name. "_I want to hear you scream my name, I want to make you groan again, very loudly." _

She frowns and looks at me "_I do not groan!"_ This makes me laugh. "_Uh huh, you most definitely groan…very much so._"

She shoves me playfully and pouts, "_Christian I do not groan! I would know if I do. I did not groan._" Furrowing her brow and pouting that delicious lip. Okay baby, I will need to prove it to you. Chuckling I suck on her lip, "_I'm sorry, you're right…my mistake."_ She bites her lip and smiles. That is it! My dick just bounced! That lip is my kryptonite! "_Fuck, baby! Come here_."

I pin her against the tile wall. Its cold compared to our burning skin; I feel the warmth radiating from the middle of her thighs. She takes a hissing breath and exhales it against my throat, "_**Fuuuckk**_!" My hands make quick work and slide up her thigh reaching her core. When I slide into the wetness beyond, it's my turn to hiss, "_Ahh damn, baby so nice and wet_."

Her tongue, traces along my ear, she pauses just long enough to moan, "_That's your fault, you got me this wet_," just before it flicks against my bottom lip and I open to taste it for the thousandth time. She groans as my circling finger finds its intended target and her hips insistently thrust against my hand. I press my left hand against the wall behind her and pull my body away from her to watch your hips roll, "_You are so fucking hot right now_," I snarl against her mouth. There's the slightest suggestion of humor in her eyes when she challenges me, "_If you don't make me come soon, I'm going to be mad at you again."_

A slow, wicked grin emerges on my face, "_Oh really? Is that so?"_ My finger stops,  
"_Let me see you get mad again. I want to punish you and spank you_."

Shaking her head slowly before tilting it back against the wall, "_Ahh, please don't tease me, don't, baby. Please. I need this."_

I lean in closer, my ear just a little too close to her mouth, "_I love it when you beg, what do you want Baby?_" She grabs my head and whisper loudly, "_Fuck me, Christian, Fuck me hard_," just before she grinds hard against me and thrust her tongue into my ear. I ignore the shiver in my own body and focus on hers.

I could come right now from those words. I feel my cock throb; precum is erupting on the tip. I love it when she begs. Fuck! So fucking sexy. I'm not one to deny a begging woman; I slide a finger on either side of her clit and let them disappear inside of her. Feeling her open and how perfect she fits around my fingers, I am acutely aware of how much I want her. Our breathing increases. She is fucking my fingers while I move them in, out, in, and out, my fingers and tongue move at the same pace but in two different places.

Her breath, which she'd been holding every other thrust, is now coming in short, quick, deep bursts. The occasional grunt belies her earlier insistence that she doesn't groan. The corner of my mouth turns up when I remember how fervent she was a few moments ago and as I watch her eyes close just before she kisses me deep and hard, I have never been more proud of proving her wrong. The tightening inside her tells me she doesn't mind.

Arching hard against me she opens her eyes. It's now that I realize I want her to say my name when she comes. I press her head against the wall with my left hand and whisper, "_I love you_." Something melts inside of her because she gets the slightest bit wetter. She swallows hard and whispers back, "_I love you, Christian."_

The grin that tries to spread across my face is eaten by the smile of hers that devours it in a kiss that's hot and wanting. Both of her hands are in my hair now and she grits her teeth as she presses her forehead to my own. Her breathing is erratic and unpredictable. When I flick my thumb against that most sensitive part of her, she gasps and her shuddering body tells me it won't be much longer. "_Ah, shit, Christian_." Yeah she is very close.

"_Yeah like that baby, feel it. You are so tight, I feel you trembling. This is going to be a good one. Do you want me to make you come now? Tell me what you want baby,_" she presses her body fully against the wall, her mouth waters, her back arches, she is the hottest thing I can remember laying my eyes on ever in my life. Those gorgeous blue colored eyes close one last time as I feel her stomach tremble against my own and I lean in to let my lips flutter against her ear, "_I want you_..." I pause to let her take a sharp breath, "_to come hard for me Ana_." She rapidly whispers back, "_I am. Oh, God, I am_."

I close my eyes and keep talking, knowing it makes her quiver just a bit more every time, "_This is it, baby_." My thumb flicks, flicks, and flicks once more, "_Oh yeah_, _don't stop_," I feel her tighten and her hands, now resting on my neck grasps handfuls of my hair, pulling me into her, "_Come for me, Ana, give it to me_."

She groans in one long, continuous breath, "_God_." As her back arches for the last time, her body opens, pulling my fingers deeper, and she gasps at the delicious invasion, "_Fuck yeah_." The end of that last word, taking on the high-pitched sound of a prayer more than an actual word, makes me harder.

When the orgasm takes over, she exhale loudly and, knowing she might be a little louder than she wants to be, I cover her mouth with my own. I don't expect her lips to make moves that are planned or coherent, so when her tongue traces my lips even in the midst of her orgasm, I am pleasantly surprised that it makes my dick grow harder. She reaches for it and begins to stroke it roughly, I growl my appreciation as her body relaxes and her hand doesn't stop, "_Ahh you're such a bad girl_." Her lips curve as her body adjusts to the lack of my fingers, "_So punish me." _Fuck I almost came.

She presses her lips against mine and I wrap my arms around her before smiling, "_Yeah I will soon, I'm going to spank you…but not today. Now let's go to a bed. I need to fuck you." She pouts steps out of the shower and grabs a towel. "You don't want to spank me, why not." _She bends down in front of me to dry her legs showing me her delectable ass. She knows what she is doing. Fuck! I want to spank her here, right now, but I can't risk Kate, Elliott or her worse her father walking in while I'm doing it. So it will wait until I get her to _**Escala**_.

In a voice that's just slightly different than any other day, but with a body heat that is certainly not the same as any other day, I quickly spank her ass twice, "_I never said I wasn't, all in good time baby. I promise you…all in good time."_ She gasps and the look in her eyes tells me she wants more of it. Oh fuck, I need to be inside of her now. She pulls me into the bedroom. Once the door is shut, she reaches for me again and before I know it, her towel is gone, though I just barely notice, "Christian that was hot. I want you to do that again…soon_, but right now I just need you to fuck me…hard_."

I flick my finger over her nipple and whisper against her lips, "_I thought you'd never asked_." Her head drops back and I can't stop the low chuckle, "_Ah…yes…don't stop, fuck."_ As my fingers slide themselves back into that warm place that indicates all fare in love and war I smile against the curve of her neck and murmur, "_Such a filthy mouth, are you sure you were a virgin?_"

She looks me straight into my eyes, and smiles "_Filthy mouth, well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black. Stop teasing me and just fuck me." _I swear this woman is going to be the death of me. "_With pleasure baby, with pleasure_."

I pick her up and throw her on the bed, "_open those beautiful legs for me, no more talking, I'm going to fuck you_," she opens her legs, I lift her hips and position myself in between her legs, moisturizing my cock with her wet folds, moving it up and down and all around. "_**Hard**_" and I slam right into her.

Shit, her pussy is so fucking tight and wet. I could get lost inside of her. Thrusting in and out of her, her pussy is on fire. She feels amazing. My dick is throbbing. I pull out making her whine; I quickly put on a condom and turn her around "_lift that sexy ass up for me baby_." Rubbing her ass, I run my fingers from her wet folds up to her little hole. "_This little hole will be next, not today…but soon_." She groans again. I have to smirk, I should record her groaning. I rub my cock from front to back moistening all of her then make my way back to her hot wet center. "_You want this again baby_?" She moans, "_Oh yes_," I slowly enter her. "_Like this_," while I move around her stretching her. She moans louder arching her back. I pull out to the tip and slam into her hard making her gasp, "_Or like this_," pulling out and slamming harder again. "_Fuck, like that_."

She groans "_yes, like that, ahh, it you feel so good, ahh_," now she knows how I feel. "_Yeah, you too baby. You too_," I feel the spirals of pleasure moving through her body. I know she is close. Fuck, I am too, I want her to come again, I want to see her fall apart while I'm pounding her. I am going deep inside of her; ball deep. I am moving my cock in and out side to side making her quiver with pleasure and a slight hint of pain.

I start pumping her harder and faster. Slamming into her as hard as I could she slams her ass to my dick with each thrust. "_Mmmmmmm that is soooooo good_!" she cried. I don't have the breath to say anything. I just keep thrusting. I take hold of her hips and slammed my whole cock into her. Thrusting as hard as I could, my balls slapping against her ass, I reach around and started to rub her clit. "_Oooooohhhhhhhhhh my God! That feels incredible! Harder!"_ Ana screams.

"_Ooooohhh yeah Ana, tell me when you're coming baby_!" I shakily tell her. I then reach up and take a hold of her ass and smack it while slamming up into her hitting her spot feeling her as her pussy muscles clenches around my thick big cock. I feel the familiar build up in my balls, I'm close, but I know she is closer. I reach under her and pinch and tease her nipples while thrusting harder.

"_Christian, Shit, I'm coming_," shouted Ana. As her cum spilled on my dick; I didn't stop, I thrusted up harder into her pussy and move my hand from her nipples to her clit, making her come again. She is screaming, I lean forward, grab her hair roughly and turn her mouth to me to kiss her just as roughly while I'm still thrusting into her. I hit her pussy two more times harder than I've ever fucked anyone before and emptied myself into her with a shout. "_Ana Fuuuuckkk!" _Ana collapses on the bed; I pull out of her and collapse on the bed next to her.

Our bodies are still trembling, my legs are like jelly, we are trying to catch our breath, and my heart is pounding. She rolls on her side and lays closer to me. I pull her to me, wrap my arms around her and pull her into my chest and whisper into her ear, "_Anastasia Rose Steele that was amazing. I love you so much…and just for the record…you do groan!" She smacks my chest then giggles before saying "Groan? Shit the way you were just fucking me…I was ready to scream." _She rolls her eyes dramatically before she begins to laugh, I can't help but to join in_. "Baby, you were screaming bloody murder; but that was so fucking hot. I want to make you scream again." _Feeling my cock getting hard again, I reach over and touch her to see if she is wet "fuck Ana your always ready for me." I grab her by her head and pull her up to my lips. Our kiss is slow, sexy but deep. I want to take her again, but I know that there are a few issues out there waiting for us to resolve them. Pulling away, I flip her on the bed on her back and begin to place butterfly kisses on her face, jaw, neck, chest and breast before I suck on her tight nipples. She moans into my ear,

"_Christian._"

Ahhh, fuck the real world...I need to take her one more time! I need to taste her once more. Making my way south to reach her core, I look up at her seeing her falling apart again as my fingers begin to tease her. My mouth finally reaches its destination. Her hips lift off the bed and I work her clit while I slide in one then two fingers hitting her g-spot. I feel her trembling; I want this once more…shit I need this once more…for now at least. I lift her ass and pull her up sitting her up; I lay back down on my back and sit her on my face. I want her to fuck my face while I eat her wet pussy. As soon as my mouth touches her wetness and she feels my tongue lick her she began to move.

She took my head and pushed it into her pussy harder this time. I found myself licking and sucking on Ana's pussy hungrily as she held my head tightly against her cunt I could feel her juices running down my chin.

Her hips begin to pump her pussy into my mouth and she is arching her back and pressing her pussy harder into my face. I cup her breasts, one in each hand! I squeeze her breasts and pull on her nipples as I eat her pussy. I lowered my hand to her vagina and shoved my fingers deep inside her. She is fucking my face and my fingers. She is so sexy my dick is throbbing! She lets out a long low moan and starts to tremble; her orgasm is getting closer. She is humping my face as her body rocks against my mouth and tongue. "_Mmmmm, you taste so good_." I murmur as I am torturing her pussy.

Again and again she moans and begins to come, her body is jerking like she is about to fall back, then she flushes my face with her cum. "_Yes, oooooh, yes…Christian…fuck!"_ That is it for me, I come shooting up into the air with my sperm; some of it drips down her back.

I feel her legs giving out but she continues to fuck my face again and again. I feel her coming again, I open her pussy with my fingers and sink them deep in her pussy while I continue to eat her and again she pushes her pussy into my mouth and I suck her loving it!

I eat her until she comes again this time she screams something that sounded like my name. She finally pulls back off my face and drops on the bed. I pull her knees up and pound into her hard. I lean in and kiss her sticking my tongue deep into her mouth. Pounding into her harder I growl, "_One more time baby, come for me one more time."_ Shaking her head no against the pillow she begs me to stop. She tells me she can't, she tells me I am going to kill her if she comes again, but I tilt her hips and hit her spot, she is moaning loudly and begs me to stop before I feel her body quivering and she is lost again. Her mouth becomes and "**O**", her eyes roll back, she is moving her head side to side, she is pulling on the headboard, the sight of her sends me over the cliff. I thrust two more times into her, pull out just in time and have my final release on her stomach literally empting myself, collapsing on the side of her, she turns on her side, curls up next to me and falls asleep.

When I catch my breath, I make my way to the bathroom, grab some towels and soap, go back to my baby and clean her up. She is literally spent. She doesn't even flinch; she is lost in the most peaceful sleep I've ever witnessed. Once we are both cleaned, I put on my t-shirt, and my boxers, I dress her in a her pj's and softly kiss her before I begin to fall asleep next to the love of my life. I know when we wake up all hell will break, but right now, right here, this is all that matters, this is what I live for…she and I until the end of time. I feel like the luckiest man alive. Holding her tighter to me, I am feeling myself drift…

"Sweet dreams baby, _I love you so much," _I whisper to her while I'm half asleep_. _

She turns towards me, snuggles closer to me and whispers back_, "I'll dream of you Christian…because I__ love you more." Holding her tightly to me as I'm drifting to sleep is...**damn** _**I really am the luckiest, undeserving man alive.**

**Please Review…**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…and S.C. Stephens…this is my version of their wonderful story.

**Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews**. Once again…I am not killing my characters in this story…HEA without drama…we will see…just remember…where there is love…there is pain…but if the love is real, it will outweigh the pain…just have a little faith…

**And our story continues…**

**Chapter 7**

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."  
~ Marilyn Monroe ~

I wake up a while later feeling deliciously sore everywhere. I turn towards the pillow next to me and find that it is empty. The sunken feeling in my pit hits me, hard…where is he? Did he leave without a goodbye? It can't be. Maybe he's in the bathroom. I get up, put on my bathrobe and make my way to the bathroom. No sign of him. I wash my face, brush my teeth and fix my still damp hair into a messy bun I make my way to the living room…nothing. What the heck! He left? Was it all lies? I can't believe this. I don't know if I should be angry or hurt. I've had enough of this yo-yo relationship. I am leaving. Upon entering the room I grab my bag and begin to pack, when I get to the nightstand I notice the letter he left for me…the letter I didn't see before. Holding it close to my chest, I really am a fool. I really need to stop acting so needy, so clingy. I am never like this. I am a strong woman, young and hot headed but strong. Why do I fall apart at the thought of this man leaving me? Is that even normal? I mean really…I have to start trusting him. He said he loves me; I can't bear to lose him again. My eyes fill with tears; I look down and begin to read his letter…

_My dearest Anastasia:_

_I'm sorry I am not here to see you wake up. Believe me when I tell you, leaving you sleeping was the hardest thing I've had to do. But like I told you before, I have to tidy up some lose ends. I have asked your father to meet me in the restaurant; I have to apologize to him. I was very disrespectful to him in more ways than one. I have also arranged to speak to Sue in the same restaurant, Taylor has given her the NDA to sign, but she asked to speak to me before signing it. I have to protect myself and my company…but most of all I have to protect the most important thing in my life…you. _

_I am so sorry for all the heartache I've caused you. I will dedicate my life to making it up to you. I promise. I am hoping that you would allow me to take you out to dinner on a real date and to celebrate your birthday. Anastasia, you giving me another chance has made me the happiest man in the world. I love you so very much baby. Please believe that. I promise to never make another sad tear fall from those beautiful eyes. _

_Now, please take a shower and get dressed, extra sexy please…and meet me in the lobby by 7pm. _

_Do not keep me waiting…as I am not a patient man ;)_

_Call me if this doesn't work for you. I miss you already baby…_

_Loving you always,_

_Christian Grey_

_Desperately in love with Anastasia Steele. _

Oh my God! I love this man to pieces! Falling back on the bed, I read the letter again, than again. I love it, I love him, I love us…I just love…well I just love Christian Grey and he…he finally loves me too! I glance at the clock; 5:30pm. Shit! I have to get ready. I grab my phone and text Kate.

*_Where r u? ~ AS_

_* Hey, I'm in my room…hiding. R u mad at me? I'm sorry. ~ Kate_

Making my way to her room I see the door is ajar, she is staring at her phone, shoulders slumped and I swear I see her wipe a tear from her eyes. Kate never cries she is one of the strongest people I've ever known. She has always been my rock. She is my oldest and dearest friend. What gotten her to be this sad. Furrowing my brow, I push open the door, sit on her bed which startles her and ask her, "_Why are you hiding? Who has you hiding Katie_?" I only call her Katie when I know she is extremely sad, it somehow makes her feel better…

She turns to me and lunges towards me. She is now crying hysterically while babbling away…

"_Oh Ana, I'm so sorry for ruining your special day. I am such an evil friend. I can't believe I did that to you. I was so mad seeing him in your room, knowing what had happened between the two of you, just a few minutes before Sue revealed her night of passion with him. I was heartless and my stupid brain to mouth filter failed me. Please forgive me Ana. You are my very best friend, my sister; please believe me when I tell you I didn't mean to make things worse. Please don't end our friendship. I rather die than to lose you as my best friend. I'm so sorry Ana…so sorry."_

She buries her head into my shoulder hugging me tightly and sobs into my neck. Rubbing her back and trying to reassure her that I am not mad at her. I understand her reaction and would only ever expect honesty from her always…no matter how much the truth will hurt me. "_Katie, it's okay. I know you were looking out for me. I forgive you. I really do. Please stop crying." _She looks up at me her eyes are puffy and red rimmed; her voice is shaky, _"really? You forgive me? You're_ _not mad at me?_" I smile, arch an eyebrow and shake my head. _"No, I'm not mad at you. But next time…try to get your brain to mouth filter under control. Especially if you know my dad is only a few feet away! Christian is downstairs trying to do damage control with him. I understand it got ugly with them. Care to tell me what happened after I left you all in here with him?_"

She hugs me tightly again than tells me the short version of what transpired between the two men I love. I can't believe my dad threatened to kill Christian…twice. I also can't believe Christian cursed him out! He then had Taylor remove him from our room; oh my god…how are we all going to get pass this? Maybe I should go downstairs and speak with my dad. These men are going to kill each other! They both have the worse temper in the world. They really are two of a kind. Hmmm, they really are so much alike, I really can't clean up this mess. Christian knows what he is doing. If he is going to be part of my future, this is something he is going to have to fix. I will only intervene if things get bad. My dad is stubborn, but can also be reasonable when it comes to me…as long as I'm not hurt. This is not good…in his eyes…I have been hurt in the worse way possible. Shit! Where are they? Maybe I should call them…I really can't sit here and wait for the shit to hit the fan! My heart is beating a mile a second. I feel like I am about to have a panic attack. I really can't let them kill each other…I have to stop them! My thoughts are interrupted by my tenacious friend who blocks me from moving.

"_Where are you going Steele_?" Her hands are on her hips. She knows what I am about to do. "_Let them resolve this. They are both men and they both love you. If Christian's love is sincere, your dad will see it and will forgive him…well eventually. You have to let men be men. Going down there to interfere will probably make things worse. Like the old saying goes…you have to let the cards fall where they may. Whatever happens is meant to be." _

Bowing my head, I know she is right, but I am scared to death. I can't lose either one and I don't want to choose between either one. I love them both in very different ways. I am also not ready to concede and have to choose. What am I supposed to do…see my world come tumbling down…again…because I fell in love with a complicated man? My dad has to see reason and I know I am the only person capable of making him see it. Unfortunately, I know she is right. I just can't risk losing him…them…

"_Kate, I don't want them to kill each other. I don't want them fighting and I definitely don't want to have to pick sides. I just want to be able to love the man I love freely and have all the people I love give me their blessings…especially my dad. I know I have to wait and see what happens right, but I am scared to death. Maybe I'm over reacting." _I bury my face in both my hands and fall back on the bed trying to stop the tears from falling. She hugs me tightly again._ "I know you're scared. I'm right here no matter what happens and you have my blessings. Any man that stands up to me without a breaking a sweat is alright in my book." _Giggling I tilt my head,_ "What's that supposed to mean?" _She nods_, "Come, let's get you dressed. I'll tell you all about it." _

"_Okay, perfect, I do need your help...Christian wants me to look sexy tonight for our first real date…could you help me?"_ She grins like a Cheshire cat "_Steele, I thought you never ask. Let's get you Sexilicous! He won't be able to keep his hands off of you once I'm done."_

I blush and look at her with a _**been there-done that**_ face, "_Uh Kate, that ship has sailed. Let me tell you girl that I am sore in places I didn't know even existed! I mean when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere. My va-j-jay needs some rest. Christian tried to kill me a few hours ago with the amount of orgasms he gave me! As delicious as that was…and god as unbelievable as it felt…I can't let that happen again. She is aching. She needs TLC_." I roll my eyes while fanning my face. "_Girl, that man is a robot – a toe-curling-back arching-eyes rolling- body convulsing- Niagara Falls gushing – fuck me till I scream- multiple orgasms at once – big thick juicy delicious ROBOT! Just thinking of him and what he did to me has me wet again!"_

Kate gasps and opens her eyes wide.

"_Fuck, he gave you multiple orgasms? He tried to kill you with orgasms? If you're going to die…that's the way to go! Details, I need details!"_ Blushing I bite my lip and think of what he did to me, "_All I could say is this…I never imagined his tongue doing what he did while I was sitting on his face and drowning it with my juices! I gushed a bunch of times while sitting on him; he flips me down and makes me come again and again! I mean is that normal? My body was submitting to him from head to toes? I thought I would die! I begged him to stop since this was god knows how many times I had orgasm…but the more I begged him to stop…the stronger he made me come! He was deliciously relentless…his thick delicious you know what….drove me to heaven! God, I need him again! My body is aching for him again. Kate we need to hurry up…like now!"_

Kate takes her phone and begins to text. "Kate who are you texting?" She looks up at me and swallows hard. "_Ana, I'm going to help you get dressed, but I really need you to stay out with Christian tonight okay_." Furrowing my brow, I'm almost afraid to ask, "_Why?_" She fans herself dramatically, "_Girl, I just text Elliott, I need him to give me a death by orgasm too! Fuck Ana, I almost had an orgasm just imagining what you said!_"

I cover my mouth and burst out laughing, "_Kate! I hope you didn't tell Elliott what I just told you!"_ She shakes her head, "_No girl, read for yourself_." She shows me her phone allowing me to read her text:

*_Elliott, I'm helping Ana get ready for her date with Christian, she will be gone in two hours…I will be ready in 2 ½ hours…make sure you come over with your cock ready to pounce my very wet pussy. I am aching for you right now…do you want to taste her_? ~_ Kate_

As I am reading her text to Kate his response:

*_Ready and waiting baby. Take a look for yourself. ~ EG_

His text has a picture attachedwhich I accidently hit and open it_._

"_Oh my god Kate!" _I throw the phone back at her. I can't believe he sent her a picture of his penis…his very thick, very hard, penis which he is stroking! She grabs her phone and opens her eyes, then something changes when she sees the picture, running her tongue along her lips she looks at me and smiles "_Yummmmmmyyyyyy, I can't fucking wait! Ana…let's get you out of here now!_" She growls and shoves me towards the bathroom to get ready.

Giggling to myself; yeah those Grey men…beautifully blessed in all the right ways. Christian is not going to like the fact that I saw his brother in all his glory…but who cares…the only Grey penis I am interested in…is the one attached to the man with the sexy grey eyes.

A half hour later I make my way down to the restaurant and see the one thing I was hoping to never see…

My heart is in my throat, I feel like my world is crashing down right in front of my eyes. Somehow I get my equilibrium back and run towards them…

"_Daddy no! Please stop it daddy, please! Don't do this! Why did you hit him daddy? Don't do this. I love him daddy and he loves me too. Please don't do this."_ I step in front of Christian and block my dad's next blow. I know he won't try to hit Christian as long as I am here. Taylor is also in front of Christian ready to pounce on my dad. Tears are streaming down my face, Christian lip is bleeding, his eye is swollen and his body is trembling. I know it is taking all of his strength not to reciprocate.

My dad has a look of disgust on his face, "_Love? You love him Annie, he loves you too? Is that so? Then tell me why the fuck did I just walk in on him with another fucking woman? See that blonde over there…they were a little bit too fucking cozy when I just walked in Annie. Stop being a fucking fool, grab your things and let's go…now!" _I glance at the woman my dad was referring too and notice that it's a very attractive older woman. She is smirking at us and looks almost happy at the angst that is transpiring because of her. I swallow the lump in my throat and manage to get the words out, "_Christian…who is that woman? What were you doing with her? Is that Sue? Please tell me my dad got it all wrong_."

Christian glares at my dad and speaks directly at him, "_It's not what it looked like. You did not walk into a "cozy" situation. Instead of asking to speak to me man to man, you hit me like a coward. The only reason I didn't hit you back is because of Anastasia. The woman I was speaking to is a business partner. We just became business partners to two prestige beauty salons, perhaps you heard of them; Esclava. She also happens to be a family friend. Anastasia knows all about her."_ Hmmm, do I?

Turning towards me he cups my face with both his hands and speaks to me softly, "_Baby, nothing is going on. I called your dad to meet me down here to speak. She was having dinner with her friend. I went to say hello to her and she invited me to sit with her while I waited for your dad. Her dinner companion went to the ladies room; I was showing her a picture of you on my phone when your dad stormed in and hit me. Believe me baby, I swear nothing happened. You could ask her for yourself_." He gestures for the blonde to come join us. She saunters towards us, head held high, confidence in every step and stops in front of me.

"_Anastasia darling, it is so good to finally meet you. My my my, I must say, you are even more beautiful in person then in the picture Christian just showed me of you. I hope you're not mad and going to over react like daddy did. Christian and I are old friends. Nothing more than very good old friends_; _isn't that correct Christian dear?"_ She places her hand on his bicep and looks at him with something I don't recognize in her eyes. The feeling of dread is now pounding in my chest. Who the hell is she?

"_Anastasia Steele, this is my friend Elena Lincoln_." My heart literally stops! My knees feel weak. The fucking pedophile! I'm supposed to be alright with this. What the hell! I am so mad right now. I feel the heat radiating from my body. My dad knowing me so well steps closer to me grabs me by my elbow and turns me towards him and away from them. Christian attempts to pull me back but she stops him.

"_Annie, are you okay? Is he correct? This was innocent? You know this woman and it's a platonic friendship, because if it is then I will apologize. But if it's not, tell me right now so I could finish what I started with your asshole boyfriend_."

Fuck, I really don't want to continue this fight here. Taylor did manage to clear out the semi-private restaurant, but I know my next few words are going to make or break my relationship with both of them and any hopes of getting past this night will be impossible. I look at Christian, at Mrs. Robinson, at Taylor and the other guards in the room and finally at my dad. I swallow the lump again and my pride, "_Yes daddy. This is Christian's longtime friend. As a matter of fact, the first time he and I met was in the hospital where he was there because she was sick. That is the very first day we met and fell in love."_ I say that last purposely to him knowing that the bitch troll would also hear it and know that there was love at first sight the day their sick relationship ended. She frowned briefly but immediately composed herself and continued to smile- a very fake smile at that. My dad looks deep in my eyes and probably sees the sadness that I'm trying to mask. I immediately hug him and whisper "_I'm going to dinner with Christian daddy and once we are done, I will come get you so you could take me home. I know you wanted to take me out to dinner, but I already made plans with Christian, but I am also ready to go home and would love it if you could take me. Is that okay daddy?"_ He pulls me from our hug and holds me at arm's length then frowns again. "_Of course, just let me speak with Christian in private for a minute okay baby girl."_

I shake my head, I know no good will come out today from any conversation they may have. They both will have to calm down before they attempt to communicate again. What's done is done. I have to stop all this fighting, "_No daddy, I will speak with him. Please just let this go. Please for my sake, let this go. No more. Please daddy_." My eyes are now brimmed with the tears I was trying to mask. He kisses my forehead and tells me he is going to wait for me in his room. He tells me the room number, turns towards Christian, squares his shoulders and very coldly warns him, "_Mr. Grey, if what you are saying is true and what my daughter is saying is also true, then I apologize. I was protecting my daughter. Do not make me regret leaving you with her. If you make her shed one more tear…your body guard over there will not be able to protect you…the fucking entire US Army will not be able to protect you from the wrath of me. This is my daughter, my heart. I've protected her from harm her entire life…I am not going to stop now, I will do it until my last dying breath…you can bank on that."_ He kisses my head and walks away.

Christian pulls me towards him, presses his forehead on mine and lifts my chin. He wipes the tears that are now falling down my face. He kisses both eyes and whispers "_I'm sorry baby. Please don't cry. Look at me eyes baby, see my love for you. Feel my chest as my heart beats for you. Anastasia…you look so beautiful. I can't lose you again, please baby. I see it in your eyes. Elena means nothing. She is just a friend. I swear to you that this was a coincident. I didn't even meet with Sue. We spoke by phone; she wished me luck and sent the NDA with Taylor. I was waiting for your dad. I wanted to apologize to him. This just got crazy. I am yours and yours only. I love you baby. Nothing happened baby…you believe me right_."

I nod and kiss his bloody lip. He flinches but deepens the kiss and brings my hands to his neck and pulls me closer to him. "_I love you baby. I love you so much_." I am not going to jump to conclusions. I have to trust him. I need to make sure my dad is going to be fine too. That's why I've decided to leave with him tonight. I have to make him see Christian is a good person and that his love for me is real. I know Christian is afraid that this vicious cycle pertaining to our love will never end…but I am determined to break it tonight. We will have our wonderful dinner and afterwards I'll leave to work on my dad. I can't take sides; they both love me and have my best interest at heart. I just wish they would see eye to eye and decide to give each other a chance. Hugging Christian tightly I reach up and kiss his neck. I feel him shudder, "_I love you too Christian…so very…much. I do believe…_"

I am interrupted by Mrs. Robinson; she pulls Christian rather roughly away from me. She turns him towards a woman who is standing behind him looking down. "_Christian this is perfect timing. Look who is also here. Remember I spoke to you about my new potential employee? You know the new one I wanted you to interview? Well here she is! Christian Grey meet my or should I say __**our**__ potential new employee…__**Ms. Leila Williams**_." The woman looks up and smiles then reaches out and speaks very seductively to him "_Mr. Grey Sir, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. Ms. Lincoln has told me a great deal about you Sir."_ Christian accepts her hand and shakes it. He steps away from her and looks at me than grabs Mrs. Robinson by her elbow and moves her away from us, but not far away because I hear what he has to tell her, "_Elena…what the fuck are you doing? I didn't agree to this. Why the fuck would you do this? I told you I am not interested. I am done. Do not fucking try to interfere. I will fucking break you_!" What the fuck is going on? I look towards Taylor who is shaking his head looking beyond pissed off. Our eyes meet and he quickly turns away and looks down with pity in his eyes.

Christian looks…different, his entire demeanor has changed. He looks furious, he looks confident, strong, sure of himself, he looks powerful, successful, cold-hearted, scary, dangerous…he looks…like the man he describe to me he could be…the man he said that he is…standing in front of me was none other than the Dominant himself…Master Christian Grey.

If he is the dominant…then I guess this beautiful girl standing here next to me with her head bowed down waiting for instructions from either one of them was…or should I say is…his next…fuck! Not again! His fucking submissive! **TRUST RIGHT! **This shit can't be happening again! He better decide right here, right now or I am out of here…for good! Walking over to him, I tap him on his shoulder. He turns towards me and is surprised at the look on my face…_**rage**__. "Christian what the fuck is going on? Start talking and don't give me your fucking pathetic excuses. I want the fucking truth now."_ He runs both hands through his hair, shakes his head and glares at all of us "_Fuck! Why me! Anastasia, Taylor, let's go…now_!" He attempts to grab me by my elbow, but I move away and stay glued to where I am standing…

"_No! Right here! Right now! Speak Christian or say goodbye once and for all!"_ He stares at me and whispers "_Baby please, not here. Shit, how many times do I have to apologize for my past? How many times do I have to do this with you? Is this how it will be for us? My past colliding with my present…with my future. I'm asking you to go with me. I don't want to talk here in public. I don't want to keep doing this. I make you more miserable then happy. This shit is so fucking hard._" The tears I thought were dried are streaming down my face. "_Well let me make it easy for you Christian…_

**_We._**

**_Are._**

**_Done._**

**_Goodbye."_**

I begin to run away from him. He runs towards me and pulls me hard to his body, "_**NO! THE HELL WE ARE! YOU ARE MINE! I AM NOT LETTING YOU GO AGAIN, EVER! I RATHER DIE THAN TO LOSE YOU AGAIN. YOU ARE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME**_…

_I am not doing this here. Taylor, bring the car around. Elena, go fuck yourself and take your fucking sub with you. The only people that are done in this room are you and me…this was a low blow even for you Elena." _

She attempts to speak to him, but he ignores her and just places his hands on my waist and pulls me roughly towards him and kisses me hard, rough but passionately. I attempt to fight him, but my knees go weak very fast and I get lost in our kiss. He holds me tightly to him_ "I'm never letting you go. I love you. Only you. If I have to pound it into your fucking brain and into your heart…so help me god…I will! Do you understand me Ms. Steele?" _I really have no words to say. I am in shock I guess…

Taylor finally arrives; we get into the SUV and drive off._ "Sir, Where to?" _In a very angry, very cold tone he says one word_…"__**Escala"**_

**Please review. **


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…this is my version of her wonderful story.

**Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews**. What made me fall in love with Christian…besides the Dom…the hearts and flowers my poor fifty…love is driving him crazy!

**And our story continues…**

**Chapter 8**

"Nothing can keep us apart I need to know that you feel the same cause I'd sacrifice all that I got today and baby for your love, I'm down to go all the way."  
~_Melanie_ Fiona~

We arrive at Escala and I am literally dragged to the elevator by Christian who has not uttered another word to me since we got in the car. We walk into his beautiful home. He leads me to the U-shape sofa in the middle of the room. He pushes me down so I could sit and sits next to me with his head bowed. He keeps running his hands through his hair and is lost in his thoughts, he looks at me and seems to want to say so much but the words seem to keep escaping him. He finally murmurs some curse words, walks towards a long hallway and disappears into a room but not before he slams the door. Why did he bring me here?

I take off my shoes and put them neatly on the floor. I send my dad a text apologizing for not returning, I tell him I have decided to stay the night with Christian since we have a lot to discuss and will see him tomorrow. I've never lied to my dad, I am an adult and if I never did it as a child; I am definitely not going to start doing it now as an adult. I didn't lie; Christian and I have a lot to discuss. I just don't know where to begin. Where is he? If he wanted to be alone…then why did he bring me here?

I glance around and notice how big his home is. Everything is black or white. In the corner of the room facing one of the floor to ceiling windows is a beautiful Bösendorfer 290 Imperial piano. Such a beauty. I walk over to it and run my fingers very gently through it wanting to touch such an exquisite piece. I feel a shudder run through my body. Suddenly I feel a sense of loneliness, sadness, despair. I feel empty, cold, scared. I hug my body and walk over to the balcony window. I stare at the magnificent view I stare out the window and see the perfect clear skies filled with stars. It usually rains a lot here in Seattle, but tonight there is not a cloud in sight. I can't believe this keeps happening on my birthday. Why even bother to say the words "_happy birthday_…it really should be something along the lines of "_dreadful birthday_" for the past two years…that is exactly what has happened to me on this very same night…a dreadful birthday. I see a flash in the sky…huh…a shooting star…what a crock of shit! Why do I even bother, I don't know why…I hug myself tighter, slide down to the floor, lean my head against the glass and stare out into the darkness of the night as I get lost in my dejected thoughts.

My heart is aching; I don't know what the reason is behind the ache, my dad, those women, our fallen friendship or just Christian. I know he has a past. I know he had a certain lifestyle, he came clean with me, but that was then and this is now. I could deal with the past, when it stays in the past but lately, his past keeps throwing up in my face! How much more am I going to endure? I've loved this man for two years, two years. I am spent. I don't know how much more fight I have in me. I have no regrets. I gave him the one thing I could have only given to one man ever in my life…my virtue. Tonight the way he made love to me was perfect. I made the right choice. He is my first love…so of course my first love deserves my first everything. He is the man I've given my first kiss, my first orgasm, my one and only heart, my first tears and now…I can't even fathom the words…_**my first real heartache**_.

I think that all the barriers in front of us are too strong to break through…I think this is truly the end of us as lovers…but never ever as friends. I love him too much to break all ties with him. If friends are all we are meant to be…then friends is what we will remain as…now and always. He warned me so many times…

His words are haunting my thoughts…

"_Shit, how many times do I have to apologize for my past? How many times do I have to do this with you? Is this how it will be for us? My past always colliding with my present…with my future? __I make you more miserable than happy_."

Is that what I do to him? I am making him miserable. I seem to bring out the worst in him. We started out as friends and jumped straight into lovers. We didn't even have a middle ground. I believe he knows this. I guess that is why he wanted to take me out on our first real date tonight. Are we destined to fail? I can't be upset with him. I can't blame him. He warned me throughout these two years…

"_I'm no good for you. I have to stay away from you. You have to stay away from me," _those were his original words to me and now he whispers…

"_I loved you. God, I've never loved anyone the way that I love you. I would give you everything I have and more to give if you'd only let me in a little, if you only stop fighting me, stop fighting it and let me show you…let me prove it to you…let me love you."_

My head is spinning. What the hell do I believe? I know he loves me but could our love withstand all these obstacles. I've come to realize that it is me who is no good for him. I make him miserable; I am not enough for him. I am too young and too inexperienced to truly make him happy. I have to let him go…the question is how? I mean come on how this is supposed to work. He lives in Seattle and I live in Portland. He is a multi-millionaire business man who travels the world; I am in my second year of college. I have nothing to offer this relationship. The only thing I am able to give him I already gave…my heart, my body, my soul. He has it and will always have it. What else is there for me to give?

I don't know. One thing is for sure…I am tired of fighting and by the looks of things, so is he. Isn't it obvious, he's been in that room for over two hours, leaving me here alone in this huge room alone with my broken soul and broken heart. I feel so tired. I am so cold and lonely. I grab a throw blanket from the chair next to the fireplace which is not lit and snuggle in it, I sit back on the floor and lean against the glass and continue to look at the beautiful stars. My eyes feel heavy I can't seem to keep them open. I blink a few more times and finally fall asleep against the window lost in my heart wrenching thoughts.

A short while later, I am briefly woken up as strong arms lift me, I barely open my eyes as they are so heavy from the crying and my brain is exhausted from all my dreadful thoughts. I feel his soft lips on my forehead as he begins to walk with me. He notices I am a little awake. "_I thought you left me. I looked for you everywhere. You're so tiny; I didn't see you by the window curled up like a little kitten. I looked all over the house for you. I thought I lost you…I thought you left me baby. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you here alone. Please don't leave me. I love you so much…please let's make this work._"

He lowers me down on the softest sheets I've ever felt in my life. He slowly begins to remove my clothes and I hear him gasp once my dress is removed…yeah I guess he finally got to see my sexy lingerie which includes a garter belt and stockings. He runs his hands up and down my legs and through the middle of my torso. He leans in and takes my earlobe in his mouth. "_I'll leave these on for now. I want your eyes desiring me when I remove these from your beautiful body. That will be tomorrow...right now I just want you to sleep my beautiful girl…sleep for now_." He kisses me on my lips. He pauses for seems like forever on my lips then I hear him whisper again but this time he sounds he like he's crying…

"_I'm so scare to wake you up…I know you are going to leave me. We have to make this work. I've never loved anyone before. I love you so much; you are my best friend, my heart, my soul, my everything Anastasia. Please dream about us being happy, please see our future and know that I will spend the rest of my life making you happy…tell me you are mine. Don't leave me."_

He lays in bed with me and spoons with me, my back to his front. I snuggle closer to him and right before I drift off I whisper_ "I am yours…I am not leaving…I love you too much. We will figure this out tomorrow, I promise I am not leaving you…" _I turn and snuggle my face to his chest, I slip my hands around to his back. He grabs my entire body and lays me on top of him like I was a baby. My ear is over his heart, he is running his hands down my bare back and is running his fingers through my hair._ "Thank you baby…we will figure it out tomorrow. For now, I want you to sleep on me. I need to feel every inch of you on me. I want to hold you like this forever." _His holds me tightly and kisses me hair, I snuggle into him even more wanting and needing the connection between us just as much...

_"I love you Christian…I'm yours_." I whisper again. I feel him trembling under me he whispers back_ "Anastasia baby, __I __can't find the words to tell you what I'd like to say, as saying I love you is not enough. I can't describe this feeling that gets stronger every day, I can't believe I've found you; I thank the heavens up above for bringing us together. I was so lost without you and I didn't even know it. I didn't know what I was missing…until you came along. You're all I waited for, you're all I need. You're all I ever wanted even though I knew loving someone younger than me was wrong. I know we are not much older than each other, but you're innocence was pure and so new to me. I tried to stay away, but the more I fought it…the deeper my love grew. I'm sorry I've hurt you. I hate to see your tears. I don't regret meeting you. We had to be friends before we could become more; who knew a simple friendship could turn into so much more and that is what I know you want…more…and that is what I am willing to give you because I want it just the same…more. You are my more…now, back than and always…I love you baby. Sweet dreams. Tomorrow we will start fresh…tomorrow all will be revealed and tomorrow will be…all about us_. _Now sleep baby, I promise to see you in your dreams…" _With those beautiful words I drift off into the best sleep knowing that our love is worth all the heartache. We are going to fight like hell for our love, no matter what troubles seem to lie ahead. I guess I will have to wait awhile. Time will reveal, what lies ahead but I will try to always remember what we both seem to agree on…meeting each other in the hospital was the best thing to happen to one another as that was the day that truly changed our lives.

_**Please review. Short and sweet. **_

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	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…this is my version of her wonderful story.

**I know it's been a while…I'm sorry I took so long to update…but here I am and there you are…so let's enjoy and see what happens. **

**And our story continues…**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment."  
~ Sarah Dessen, _The Truth About Forever_

"Come for me Anastasia, come for me now baby."

I do, I come so good and so strong. I am lost in ecstasy, the feeling is so strong that when I open my eyes, I see light…wait…was I dreaming? How? And why do I still feel like I am still dreaming? I feel his sweet breath running along my earlobe; he sucks it softly then whispers,

"Does it feel better in your dreams baby? Do you want to come in real life again?" then continues to lick and tease my earlobe while softly caressing my face and making me moan.

Opening my eyes I glance at the clock and realize it is 3am. Am I still dreaming? No I can't be…I realize I was dreaming but now without a doubt I am fully awake. My body is sizzling from the dream I just had and now from the reality of what is being done to me. I can't believe I just had an orgasm while dreaming and judging by the question he just asked me…I know he watched me as I climaxed in the land of sleep. God it felt so real and so good…but not like the real thing. I should be mortified but he is working me up, the desire and ache between my legs are getting stronger sending sensations through my body, I need him so very badly, not having him feels almost torturous.

Christian runs his hot tongue along my jaw "answer me baby do you want me to make you cum in real life?" I shudder from his words and his hands that are now roaming and exploring my body teasing and tantalizing it.

I close my eyes enjoying the pleasure he is arousing and breathlessly whisper…

"Yes, please."

The feelings he is conjuring up within me are incredible, amazing, just driving me insane; all of my senses are on high alert. I'm fully awake now. He looks at me with grey dark eyes full of want and lust. I slowly lick my lips and try to control my breathing but I can't especially when his fingers are now circling my mound and softly caressing it. One hand cups my heavy breast that are longing for his touch and two fingers find my nipples and begin to gently twist and tease them making it pebble and are begging to be sucked. He leans down and slowly licks it then repeats the same on my other breast pulling and teasing one while he leans down to suck and gently bite the other. His lips are magical, his sucking and biting become more aggressive making my back arch and my core wet. I feel the sensation of his lips all the way down my spine. Christian bites each nipple harder grazing his teeth, pulling it and elongating it, slightly hurting while driving me crazy, pain and pleasure, simultaneously the feeling is too much. I moan louder and squirm under him, I am so horny, I need him so badly, the way he's making me feel right now is amazing. I swear I could climax at this moment; he is sucking my breast arousing something inside of me, bringing me to the point of no return. He is wonderful, his mouth and touch are incredible, I am breathing so heavy, desire is spooling out of me, I need him, I need this, I am aching so badly for him. I am so lost, I can't help the words that spill out of me, I am so very close and need a release.

"Ah, please…don't stop. That feels amaaa…zing. Please don't stop, I'm so close, please I want to cum so badly, ohhhh, yes…yes…like that Christian…yes…like that." I whimper underneath him running my fingers through his hair bringing him closer to me.

My words drive him crazy and the attack on my breasts increase stimulating my core as I begin to tremble. His hand once again trails down my stomach and reach my clit which is begging for attention, he slips his hand inside of my panties and hisses as he continues to suck bite and pull my breast. His fingers run up and down my folds and he slowly enters one then two fingers to lubricate his fingers. My breathing is out of control. I lift my bottom and his fingers go deeper. They feel so good inside of me. He pulls his fingers out drenched with my nectar and lubricates my swollen clit. He twirls it just right then adds the right amount of pressure. His mouth is still working my breast; the heat in my body is now everywhere, his left hand cups my breast and pinches my nipple while his right hand is working my vagina. He quickly dips his fingers back into my vagina, collects moister and goes back to my clit. The moment he touches it I am lost, my body tightens and my mouth becomes an "O" with no sound coming out of it, I climax so hard holding my breath until the need to breathe takes over and a long breathless _**"OHHHH"**_ is finally heard. My eyes are rolling back and my back in completely off of the bed, I don't want this to end…I feel it everywhere and it feels so good, so fucking good, amazing…this right here is euphoria.

His tongue makes a trail up my chest through my neck along my jaw then slowly reaches my earlobe. He sucks it gently then runs his tongue inside it making me shiver. I slowly release the breath I was once again holding almost singing the moan I could no longer contain. His tongue continues its journey towards my lips. He stops and looks at me with hooded eyes

"Good?"

I nod since I really can't say a word; I am already lost in this man's spell. I arch my back again and slowly begin to close my eyes but he dominates me

"No look at me Ana, don't close your eyes" our eyes lock but just for a second, my eyes descend to his mouth, those full delicious lip, his lips finally connecting with mine and what starts out as a soft sensual kiss, quickly becomes passionate making us both groan profusely while we are staring deep into each other's soul.

He pulls me up and now we are both kneeling on the bed exploring each other still looking deeply into each other's eyes.

"You're so beautiful baby, I am so lucky to have you…fuck…I can't believe you're mine. I've loved you for so long."

He is sucking my neck oh so softly, not hard enough to leave me a love bite but enough to make my folds moister. He runs his hand down my body and reaches my hot wet vagina and hisses slowly,

"Lay back baby, I need to unwrap you, let's take the little bit of clothes you have on off."

I lay back and watch as he removes all of my clothes while kissing me softly everywhere. The last piece are my very drenched panties which he brings to his nose and inhales deeply groaning and telling me how good I smell making me turn crimson red! He chuckles and tells me not to blush, not to be shy with him as he is going to explore every inch of me and vocalize all of his thoughts. God, this man is so sexy and so erotic it's driving me up the walls.

Christian makes his way in between my legs and pulls them apart then slowly licks his lips and gently caresses my folds making me tremble a little bit as his thumb reaches my erect and very sensitive clit which he begins to massage. I lift my bottom a little bit for more friction and grind into his hand. He smiles then leans over and kisses my lips ever so gently but passionately.

I briefly open my eyes as he climbs over me and begins to grind his body on mine. I glance down and realize he is gloriously naked and ready for me. He grabs himself and rubs the head of his throbbing cock on my wet core making us both hiss. God he feels so good, hard, thick, hot, throbbing and ready for me as much as I am ready for him too.

"I'm going in baby, you're ready." Unconsciously biting my lip I nod. I hear him breathing and it sounds like he is trying to control it but the excitement is evident by the small moaning sound that escapes him as he slowly begins to enter me. I lift my legs to his hips pulling him deeper in and making us both gasp. "I love you so very much Ana, so fucking much" I close my eyes and pull his mouth to mine and soon we are lost. My dream was good, but Christian inside of me making sweet love to me was so much better. He explored every inch of me, making our bodies scream for each other and drifting off into a very sated and blissful sleep.

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**The next morning**_**… **_

I awake and feel fantastic. A bit sore in some places but wonderful everywhere else, especially in my heart. I look down and see the love of my life laying on my stomach sound asleep. I run my hands through his hair and see the sweet smile that instantly appears on his sleeping face.

"I love you Christian Grey. I'm going to marry you one day…you don't know that…but I know it. I'm going to give you lots of children and we are going to live until we are old and gray making sweet love to each other until our last dying breath. I won't tell you that now…but it will happen…for now that's my little secret."

I kiss my fingers and place them on his lips sealing my words with a kiss. He's still sleeping as I hear him snoring very lowly so I gently slide off of him and make my way to the bathroom to freshen up then make my way to the kitchen where I make us our very first breakfast as a couple.

Christian's kitchen is amazing, state of the art, equipped with everything and fully stocked. I can't believe how hungry I am. Well, I didn't eat last night and was so overly active most of the day, besides the emotional roller coaster was too much on my appetite. But today I am famish, pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs coming right up. I am on a roll and before I know it, breakfast is done.

I place our plates on heating drawer and turn to wake my prince charming but get startled when I see him sitting on a chair with his elbows on the table, his face cupped by both hands and the cutest smile reaching his sexy grey irises that are so full of love. His eyes quickly descend looking at me from head to toes and those eyes that were full of love are now filled with lust from my attire. I am barely dressed, I'm cooking breakfast in my little boy short panties with only his dress shirt, one button is holding the shirt in place. My hair is wild but sexy and loose and since I didn't have any slippers, I put my heels back as the floor felt very cold on my bare feet.

He stands slowly and licks his lips then walks over to me, runs a finger from the top of my cleavage all the way down to the sole button and quickly releases the button from the shirt. He steps back and again checks me out then slowly leans in and sucks the bottom of my lip pulling it away from my teeth that were biting it. I moan into his mouth opening it and welcoming his tongue that is making sweet love to it. He leans into me making me feel his erection then lift me by my underarms then cups my butt walking me towards the island.

"Christian…I made breakfast." He stops and turns to look at the stove then smiles. "I know, but I want you first…that will be dessert." I giggle and shake my head. "No, it's going to get cold and nasty. Don't you want it while it's hot?"

He hisses and grinds on my middle making me moan "that's what I'm trying to do, get it while it's hot. This won't take long…we will eat later, you look to sexy and fuckable not to be inside of you. Please baby…I'm hungry but not for food. I can't seem to get enough of you Ana…please…can I have you?" I smile and nod. He walks over to the stove, turns on the warmer and again carries me to the island. My legs are wrapped around him and as soon as he places me on the table, he devours every little inch of me…then stands and brings me to the wall where he fucks until we both scream our names.

With a thoroughly sated sigh, Christian pulls out of me and steps back and helps me to my feet. My legs feel like Jello; trembling and weak, my body is tingly all over. I am still trying to catch my breath. He cups my face gently then tips my face and kisses me softly. I step closer and rest my head against his chest and wrap my arms around his waist. He tucks a lose strand of hair behind my ear and bends forward to murmur huskily into my ear, "Well, I know you're thoroughly fucked…now let's get you thoroughly fed. I'm starving, how about that delicious breakfast you cooked for us Babe?"

I snuggled closer into him, "Christian, I don't think my legs are strong enough to walk right now." He smiles a crooked sexy smile and lifts me into his arms, I wrap my legs around his waist and he proceeds to walk towards the kitchen kissing me and squeezing my butt. "I giggle "You Sir, are so good to me, what did I ever do to deserve you?" He arches his eyebrow and looks at me then sucks on the lip that I am biting, "I should be saying that not you…I'm so lucky to have you Anastasia…I don't want to ever lose you, baby…I want you to mar…"

Someone clears their throat, we both look up, he smirks, I gasp.

"Hello mother, father, I wasn't expecting you." They both look at him and then at me and their eyes slowly descend to his hands that are cupping my butt. Both of them smile and I know my face is the color of an apple! Oh My God! His parents! Somebody shoot me now!

He looks at me then at them with a sexy smile. I try to get on my own two legs but his grip on me tightens. The humor is clearly heard as he introduces us chuckling slightly trying not to really laugh.

"Great, I wanted you all to meet. You saved me a trip. Mom, Dad…I like you to meet my girlfriend Anastasia Steele, baby, these are my parents, Dr. Grace Grey and Carrick Grey."

He looks at me and smirks. I feel the blush all over me. I want to die, I am so embarrassed, I really want to hit him right now but his sweet smile is melting me. I pull his shirt closer to me to ensure nothing is sticking out playing peek-a-boo, I look at them then shyly smile, knowing my face is crimson red, I mean come on…who wouldn't be embarrassed, I am practically naked, my legs are still wrapped around him and his hands are still on my butt! The butt that is only wearing skimpy undies and are attached to high heel fuck me shoes!

I swallow hard "It's nice to meet you both. I'm really sorry to meet you like this."

I lean into Christian and whisper "Please let me go, I need to change." He chuckles louder…my face gets redder and right now I want to die! He thinks this is funny…really? Oh he's going to get it! "No**P**e" he silently mouths and smirks while squeezing my butt. Yep…bloody murder!

A sweet voice interrupts my deadly plan on how to murder the love of my life…

"Oh my dear it is very nice to meet you too." His mother smiles and is acting like we are having tea and biscuit instead of her almost witnessing the mind blowing sex her son and I just had. His dad chuckles just like Christian and waves his hand.

"Anastasia, please no apologies…It's okay, we should have called before coming. Serves us right, Christian my boy…nice job…uh…we should go. Come Gracie baby…let's leave the kids to do what they were doing…I mean…to finish…I…uh…yeah, let's just go."

Christian laughs out loud then shakes his head.

I lean closer to Christian and softly whisper "Baby, please, bring me to the room or let me run and put some clothes on…please." He smiles and nods.

"Dad…no, please don't leave. We will be right back…please make yourselves at home."

I can't look at them. They turn and walk towards the living, Christian carries me to his bedroom, laughing all the way there. My head is buried in his chest…what is it about parents walking in on us…first Ray and now Grace and Carrick…talk about awkward!

Placing me gently on the bed, Christian walks to the bathroom to freshen up. I lie back on the bed and cover my face. He walks back inside the room and laughs even louder while trying to pull my hands from my face.

"Christian, I can't believe that happened and I can't believe you made me stay there and introduce us like that! What are they thinking about me…they must think I'm a tramp! I am so mortified. Oh…I'm so mad at you!" He laughs even harder and peppers my face with soft kisses taking my anger away…I'm a sucker for this man.

"Baby, it's fine really. Believe me they are thrilled. They thought I was gay…seeing you and I doing the horizontal tango is the highlight of their life. Don't stress this. Get dressed, I'll go entertain them."

He leans down, brushes his sweet lips over mine then kisses my nose. "I love you baby. Don't be mad at me. I hate it when you're mad. I promise to make it up to you…over and over again. Don't stress this baby…I'm glad they met you, I was planning on taking you there tonight anyway…I need to ask you something…finish our conversation…but not now…they are waiting for us okay. Anastasia…remember…you and me…that's all that matters okay." I smile and nod. "Yes…you and me…forever." I whisper as I suck on his very soft sexy lips. He groans and arches his eyebrow then looks down. I follow his gaze and gasp. "Christian…tell him to go back to sleep! Your parents are here!" He laughs out loud again…

"Anastasia Rose Steele…you are so fucking adorable…I love you so much! Nobody told you to suck on my lips…but okay…he's going back to sleep. Now hurry, get dress and heat up my breakfast woman!" He stands me up and gently pushes me towards the bathroom but not before he smacks my ass hard. "Ouch! What was that for?" He walks over to me, cups my face and kisses me hard and passionately. "That baby was for being a wanton girl in front of my parents." I gasp and frown and he laughs and walks away.

"Wanton? That was NOT my fault…I was making breakfast…he attacked me…oh but how sweet his attack was." I smile while rubbing my cheeks, quickly shower and finish getting dressed. I hear my phone ringing so I thought. The ringing phone was Christian's phone alerting him of a text. I glance down and see a message from Leila with a picture attached to it. I open the message and feel my heart shatter but also feel the rage.

"Master…let me know when your little girl is gone...I'll come over and give you the pleasures your desire, I can't wait to be punished." I open the picture and can't believe this bitch sent him a naked picture of herself tied up and Mrs. Robinson is also standing next in leather over the knees boots with a whip on her hand, also naked! What the fuck is this! I've had enough. I know he didn't ask for this, but he needs to resolve this bullshit. Is this what he wants? Is this what he needs? I think it's time to go home. I find me clothes and get completely dressed and pack all of my stuff. I'm not going to make a scene while his parents are here, but I am leaving tonight. No more games.

I grab his phone and make my way to the Greys. Taking a deep breath, I walk in the room looking more confident but inside feeling bereft. What the hell is going to happen between the two of us? I don't know if I could deal with all of this Dom/Sub stuff and I know I can't deal with that pedo bitch! I smile and apologize for taking so long. I walk over to the Greys and shake their hand and again introduce myself as if this is the first time we've met. I could feel Christian beaming but I have not been able to look him in the eyes…I know he will see the hurt in them once our eyes lock.

"I was making breakfast for us…there is plenty; would you both like to join us?" I ask trying to calm my nerves. "Oh we don't want to impose." I shake my head but Christian beats me to it. "Don't be silly, no imposition at all." He walks over to me and kisses the side of my head then wraps his arms around me but my body feels tense at his touch. I feel the small gasp from him but he recovers quickly when his dad agrees for them to stay.

"Mom, could you set up the table, I'll help Anastasia in the kitchen." He grabs my hand and pulls me to the kitchen knowing something is up. He turns me to him once we are out of hearing distance and bends so we are at eye level.

"Baby? What's wrong?" I shake my head and grab his hand then place the phone in his palm. I pull away from him and begin to make more eggs. He looks down "Fucking Shit." He silently barks. "When will they fucking stop this shit?" I turn to him and frown. "You tell me…those were my sentiments exact." I gesture towards the dining room, "Not now…not with them here." He walks up to me and lifts my chin "Ana, please, don't let them fucking win. I don't want this…her…them. I'll take care of this. Please, just forget you saw this." I wipe a tear and swallow hard…again.

"I wish I could. When it's all said and done…that is what you want…what you need…that is the lifestyle you desire. The first time we met was because you were caught with Elena…the first time my heart broke was because you chose Maureen and this lifestyle over me…and now…here we are again…at an impasse…so now what? All of a sudden, I am all you want, all that you need? I don't think so. You left me alone last night for two hours because of them…I can't…." He cups my face and kisses me. "No…don't say can't. I'm sorry about last night. I needed to speak to my therapist…to control my anger…I didn't want to direct it at you…please believe me baby…don't say Can't…Ana…don't leave me." His eyes are filled with unshed tears.

I lean into him and kiss him softly. "I'm sorry. I should not have looked at your phone. Let's stop this right here. Until later okay…we will talk about this later. Now let's go and enjoy our breakfast with your parents." I smile the best phony smile I could ever pull off. He looks me in the eyes then kisses me again pouring every bit of his love into that kiss.

"I love you Anastasia…please believe that." I hug him tightly "I do…I really and honestly do, now come…I am going to faint here from hunger." He kisses my nose then my forehead then helps me to finish making and serve the breakfast.

His parents are lovely and welcome me with open arms. We all agree to dinner at their home next weekend. Christian and Carrick leave briefly to go over some paperwork in his office. This gives Grace and I the opportunity to become more reacquainted. She tells me all about Mia and Elliott and I explain that my best friend is seeing or dating Elliott. Dr. Grey tells me all about her charities especially her Coping Together charity which focuses on broken families and abused children. The thought of Christian being abused by his biological mother hurts…but the thought of Christian being sexually abused by his so called savior "Elena" is heart wrenching. A small tear falls from each of my eyes and even though I try to wipe them quickly and discreetly, Grace sees them and immediately hugs me into a sweet motherly hug trying to console me. If only she knew the real reason behind my tears.

"You are so good for him I know it and feel it already. Have patience with him sweet girl. Don't give up on him. He's his worst critic…let him love you and don't be afraid to be loved." She whispers making me hug her tighter. I nod "I'll try. I really will" then pull away and we both smile as we hear both men returning.

Christian sees how close she and I were sitting next to each other and beams. I can't help but to smile at how happy he seems. He walks over to us, kisses his mom on her head making her eyes go wide surprising her then lifts me and sits me on his lap. He wraps both arms around me and kisses the side of my neck causing goose bumps up and down my body.

"I love you baby."

"Me too…I love you too." I kiss his nose then turn to see Mr. & Mrs. Grey's looking at us and smiling while holding each other's hand. So sweet. A few hours later…after a nice lunch Christian's parents leave and again insist on dinner next week in their home which we all agree to.

"Hmmmm….alone at last." Christian seductively says while slowly walking towards me but stops when my face does not reciprocate his sentiments.

"Ana?" I turn away from him and walk towards the window to stare at the beautiful Seattle skyline.

"Christian, I don't want to fall again. I think you're not going to be there when I fall. I think this time I am finally going to break. We jumped so quickly into this without really thinking about it. How is this going to work? I live in Portland, you live here. I am a college student…you're a successful very rich business man. I don't have any sexual experience to satisfy you…I'm a girl…you're a Dom…and need a woman." I whisper the last part and feel my shoulders slump.

"Ana…don't do this. You said you weren't going to leave me. Forget that text message. I don't need them…baby look at me." He tries to turn me towards him but I shake my head no and just wrap my arms around me trying to protect myself. I know what is coming even if both of us are in denial.

"Anastasia…please…you're all I need. Please believe that. I fucked up so much all these years. I should have never been with any of those women knowing how much I love you. I've loved you since the day we met. You're my best friend, my heart, my soul…you're my everything. You are all I need…you are more woman than any of them, more than I've ever asked for or ever needed. Please baby…look at me." His arms are wrapped around mine from behind as he continues to whisper in my ears while silent tears are falling from my eyes.

"Ana…baby…I can't be without you. This…all of this is nothing without you. Don't do this…not because of what you believe I need…because baby…all I ever need and ever want for an eternity is…you. Please Ana…let me love you…don't push me away…please…turn around…look at me."

I allow him to slow turn me to him and look at his eyes that are now filled with tears streaming down. I close my eyes and sob into his chest. Why am I doing this to him…to us? I want to believe him and everything he is telling me…but I am so afraid of losing him…of him getting tired of me, bored with me and leaving me alone.

"Christian…I think we are going to fast…I need…I need…sp…space. I have to figure out how to do this and deal with your life. I have to go back home tonight…I have school and need to focus. I'll return next weekend for your parents…You have to deal with Elena…I can't be part of your life if she is in it…I'm sorry. Things are happening too fast…I know we've been friends for three years…but our love is new…we didn't let it evolve from friendship to love slowly…we jumped right in…I need to think, you need to think and if we are meant to be, it will happen. Let's just…please let's just take it slowly. Please…Christian…I'm scared."

I cry harder into his chest and feel his body trembling and his tears falling on my face. I look up and see his eyes are closed but his face is wet and filled with tears. I tiptoe up and kiss his lips softly.  
"I love you Christian and I know you love me too."

He nods and I see his lip tremble making my heart break a little more.

"Okay…I'll give you space baby. I'll give you what you need." He whispers but keeps his eyes close and pulls me closer to him. This moment right here is so surreal. Our love is real but the timing is unrealistic. We've waited so long to love each other but now it's time to once again let each other go…things need to be done before we could move forward. There are so many obstacles between us…if we ignore them they will simply put an end to our love…

He hugs me tightly to him then carries me to the sofa where we both sit and cry knowing that one of us is going to destroy the other one. He is my best friend, I should have left it at that. I can't fathom the thought of losing him. I need time to think…we have to try to get to know each other as adults…we started out as young friends…now it's time to learn to be what we both want but are so afraid of...now it's time for Christian and I to learn to finally become…_**one.**_

"Ana…promise me just one thing before I let you go." I look at him and our eyes lock filled with love, hurt, pain and uncertainty. He leans in and kisses me softly.

"Promise me to wait for me…as I will wait for you…promise me to fall in love with anyone else baby…no matter what. You are mine…I am yours…please…I'll give you the space you want…we will become friends…but please baby…all bets are off if I feel I am going to lose you forever…I'm agreeing to this but only for now…could you do that Ana…will you promise me." I lean in and kiss him and answer him with my kiss. I pour every fiber of my love into this kiss and as I'm pulling away…breathlessly whisper "I promise, I'll show you" I climb off of him and pull him by his hand, leading us both into his bedroom where we make soft sweet, deep, desperate, heartbreaking love to each other over and over again.

Will our love survive? Only time will tell…one thing is for sure…I will never break my promise, no matter what happens between us…I will never be able to love another…my heart no longer is mine to give away…my heart belongs to the love of my life, the man that captured my heart and never seemed to give it back…my heart belongs to Christian Grey.

So now what? What happens next? We both know that it's not that we don't love each other, it's just that love isn't enough. So I think I have to let go and so does he, we have to let go…before it could finally work.

"We kissed each other until we were too tired to keep going. I could still feel him holding back. It was my penance for what I had done to him. All I could do was hope the walls would fall and that I could have all of him again, but I was always leaving and he was tired of watching me walk away. We both knew that I couldn't stay and that he couldn't come with me, but still, we couldn't let go."  
― Kimberly Novosel, _Loved - A Novel_

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	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…this is my version of her wonderful story.

**So here it is…I was having trouble uploading…hope you enjoy it…Remember…true love never dies… **

**And our story continues…**

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**Chapter 10**

"The future for me is already a thing of the past -  
You were my first love and you will be my last" ― Bob Dylan, _Bob Dylan - Love and Theft: Piano/Vocal/Guitar_

_**~Three months later ~ **_

_**3:00am…**_

Christian! Please no! Please…you promised…you promised to wait…you made me promise…how could you fall in love with someone else? Christian Please!

Inhaling deeply I sit up on my bed trying to catch my breath; I wake in a cold sweat with tears in my eyes and my heart pounding in my chest. The nightmares of our last words to each other the one that repeatedly haunts my nights and invades my days. They are tearing me apart. My body is trembling from the cold sweat. The dreams always ends the same way; I see him…crying as I walk away, than I see him in love…with her…Leila…the girl from the hotel…I see them in love and hear his last words to me echoing in the air, "I'm sorry Anastasia…I couldn't keep my promise. I had to move on. It hurt too much. I had to let you go." I try to run after him but he disappears. Each night he vanishes faster than the night before. I am losing him…each day apart…I am losing him.

**I am miserable. I am losing him. **

"Oh God" my trembling hands cover my face and I sob deeply into them.

"What have I done? How could I let him go? Shaking my head almost hysterically...

"NO! I can't do this, not anymore. Fuck my pride."

He begged me not to go. Who am I trying to fool? Why am I lying to myself? I need this man like I need air to breathe. Nothing compares to him...nothing in my life is more important than him.

**I can't lose him. **

We've struggled so much to get to where we are today, he professed his love...it's what I wanted to hear for so many years...why did I let him go? Idiot! Change that! Go get him!

Shit...that's what I'm going to do...tonight...in Seattle.

Wiping my tears roughly...**NO MORE TEARS!**

**I. AM. HIS.**

All those fucking sluts, subs, whores and old hags that are after him better get ready for the fight of their life.

**HE. IS. MINE. **

I'm going to get my man come hell or high water…I'm going to him and I am running into his arms and will beg him to never let me go.

Grabbing my keys and my purse I run to my car. I really don't care how late it is, this happens tonight...no time with him wasted. Too much time has passed. This is it.

**Baby...I'm coming! **

**3:30am… **

I press on the gas and sped off into the night. I have to get to him. I glance down...oh shit! Clothes would have been good. In my haste to leave I did forget to put on some clothes...I ran out in just my cami and my booty shorts. Giggling to myself, he's going to be mad. Shrugging…I don't care; less clothing to shed. Be mad my love...more make up sex to endure...I love you Christian Grey. No more waiting...I'm coming…

Friendship we had, he will always be my best friend, but we've been there, done that…now the only thing left for us is to do is to…_**Love.**_

_**Memories of the last three months…are flooding my brain while I drive**_

I turn on my Ipod and listen to my "Missing Christian" playlist…the first song…Sinead O'Connor ~ Nothing Compares to You. No words could ever be as close to the truth as the chorus to this song fills my car and makes my heart bleed even more.

"It's been so lonely without you here  
like a bird without a song  
nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling"

"But I'm willing to give it another try ~ nothing compares to you"

My tears are falling; even though I'm going to him I'm scared to death. Was this the best plan? I don't know what I'll find when I get there. What if…what if he's done what I finally told him to do…live…sow his oats…get it out of his system…

_**Why did I push him away? **_

**Flashback…**

_I looked up and see his eyes are closed but his face is wet and filled with tears. I tiptoe and kiss his lips very softly.  
"I love you Christian and I know you love me too." _

_He nods, eyes still closed, his lip trembles making my heart break even more. _

"_Okay…I'll give you space baby. I'll give you what you need." He whispers as he pulls me closer to him._

_Christian and I spent the day making love. We loved each other in every way imaginable. He pampered me and I showered him with all my love and affection. The day and night was perfection until he drove me home. We sat silently throughout the entire ride. Once there, he turned towards me and cupped my face, his nostrils were slightly flaring and his voice hoarse with pain…_

"_Choose me Ana…choose me. Don't do this. We could make it work. I could come see you every day if that's what you want, need, I know it what I need. Please Ana." _

_He leans his forehead to mine and gently brushed the tears from my eyes as I sobbed and cup his hands with mine while placing soft kisses on them and shaking my head. _

"_Chri…Christian…I am choosing you. I'm just so afraid of not being enough. I'll always be your friend. I promise that will never change, but this is a vicious cycle we've gone through since the day we met. I've ached for you so much…I can't go through that again." He takes a shuttering breath, his tears are also falling._

"_I know…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I know you have to heal. I know. I just can't," __**he takes a deep breath trying not to cry which makes me cry harder**__. "I just can't continue to be without you, I'm a selfish man when it comes to you. I love you so much so much Ana, it fucking hurts not to love you. You are it. It's always been you. I was so empty until you found me…that day in the hospital Ana…that was day I was born, that was the day I finally felt I could breathe, that was the day I began to live. What a fucking fool I was to let you go. And now…fuck!" His chin begins to tremble. He looks away as his face turns red._

_"Fuck! Shit! Don't cry" he mumbled to himself. He grinded his teeth back and forth, as tears _

_silently filled his eyes. He looks away but can't mask his pain. _

_**Another deep breath.**_

"_Come on, I'll walk you inside…I'll call you later baby okay. Just please…go…before I change my mind…just go Ana." His shaking hands leave my face and become clenched fists; he dug his fingers into his palms as he bit his quivering lip. _

_**I don't want to leave him. **_

"_Christian." I can barely speak. "Christian…I…I love you so much. This doesn't feel right. Christian…oh God…I…can't do this. I can't. I don't want to leave. Please. I can't do this." He steps out of the car and walks around to my side as I cry harder into my hands. He opens my door, unlocks my seatbelt and pulls me into his arms. I hug his waist as tight as I am able to and hide my face in his shirt while the tears keep rolling down my face and my heart keeps shattering by the second._

"_Baby…stop…please. Look at me." He picks me up and holds me tightly to him. "Baby…please, look at me." He lifts my chin until I am looking at him. _

"_This is not goodbye right? This is just space. This is so we could get it right. God Anastasia, do you really think I am strong enough to let you go forever." He bites his quivering lip again and shakes his head. _

"_This is not goodbye. This is…seeing you later. Okay." I nod while still crying. He carries me to my door and all the way to my bed. He gently places me on my bed and kisses the top of my head than inhales buries his nose into my hair as if trying to embed the scent into his soul. Then his lips find mine and he gives me one final, passionate kiss. _

_He walks away but turns to look at me before he exits my bedroom and smiles shyly at me then whispers, "__**Laters baby**__," he taps the door frame twice, shakes his head and walks away. _

_I crumbled to the floor and cried my life away. _

_**That was the last time I seen him. **_

P**resent Time**

_**5:30am…still in the car…Escala one hour away…**_

Wiping my tears, remembering hurts; that was the day my purgatory began. We both tried to act nonchalant about our agony. He called me every night and every morning and every free moment we had we spoke and laughed on the phone, but it wasn't enough. We both knew it. As the semester progressed and the leaves fell from the trees, the calls became scarce and the insecurities and doubts got worse.

**Flashbacks again**

I've never been known to be a green eye monster…but somehow I did. I am so ashamed to admit that. Christian attended multiple functions as he became more and more famous. Women were like sharks, swimming all around him trying to bait him and make him their prey. At first, I found the stories funny, the sexy lingerie mailed to him or the drop dead gorgeous women who made it their business to introduce themselves to him at every opportunity.

When he made it on "Forbes Five Hottest and Youngest Billionaire Bachelors" things got worse. The humor in his stories were no longer funny to me especially the one about the woman who followed him to the men's room, stripped naked while he urinated and dropped on her knees and begged him to place his cock in her mouth.

"Did you stop urinating and walk away?" He laughed.

"Baby, I was drinking…I had to pee…badly. I couldn't stop. I just ignored her, finished my task, put him away, washed my hands and left." Chuckling lowly but I still heard him.

"What did she do?"

"She came out then asked the waiter to hand me her number, a copy of her hotel key and a promise for the best fuck of my life. Of course I threw it away. I didn't bother looking at any of it."

"Of course" I repeat sardonically.

In a frustrated voice he exhales deeply and I could tell he was speaking through gritted teeth, "Anastasia…please not again. This shit is getting a bit tiresome. Stop it. I'm not doing anything. How many times do I have to explain myself?" Silence from me.

He sighs again. "I'll call you tomorrow okay?"

"MmHmm." I don't know if I'm angry or hurt.

"Ana?" He whispers as if it were a question.

"Goodnight. Have fun tonight at your function." I hang up without letting him say goodbye.

I know what I am…I am fucking pissed! Pissed the fuck off to be exact! Oh this man knows every button to push…the good and the bad ones…right now…he pushed the bad ones!

He claimed nothing happened _**and I do trust him**_…but shit…these women are nothing but slutty gold-digging bitches…trying to bed my man and strike it rich. My silence spoke a thousand words…needless to say…that was the last story he shared.

The torture didn't end there…

He really didn't have to share…the paparazzi became extremely interested in Mr. Drop Dead Gorgeous, Rich and Famous" so of course, the headlines always made my day. As the long distant kept looming, our relationship continued to struggled, the daily communications between us decrease.

"It was one thing to make a mistake; it was another thing to keep making it. I knew what happened when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you'd be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you're going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn't be there. Either that, or you'd confide in them and you added to their problems. All you ever really had was yourself, and that sort of sucked if you were less than reliable." ― Jodi Picoult, _Handle With Care_

_**Things kept getting progressively worse**_.

The news articles on Christian were brutal and the pictures of Christian with multiple women were everywhere. _**Where was his publicist?**_ He didn't pose with them intentionally, but was constantly photographed with a bombshell either at work, in the gym, at a function and the straw that broke the camel's back was my favorite of them all…Christian, Mrs. Robinson with another woman…the picture was a hazy photo, probably from the restaurant's camera but it was enough to know that the woman in the photo looked a lot like me and she was bowing her head like a professional, experienced submissive. To everyone else the headlines were of a sad woman trying to not cry since my boyfriend was breaking her heart…but I saw this stance, I saw her posture…I know that look and I know that woman…

My heart ached with each new headline:

"_**Blonde, Brunette or Both…Christian Grey ~ Menajahtwa Mr. Grey?"**_

"_**Mr. Grey & His Secret Lovers, his Brunette beauty distraught after discovering Mr. Grey's Blonde Lover"**_

"_**Beauty and More Beautiful…Mr. Grey is a Beast!" **_

"_**He's tipping her chin…begging her to look at him…doesn't it melt your heart? Hmmm…Do we hear wedding bells? Is Mr. Grey Off the Market?" **_

Where was his publicist I repeat…well he and they were letting it all happened. The public loved him and his business was booming because of it. He was truly the Master of his Universe. Grey Enterprises was skyrocketing to be the number company in the world and on top of it…was my beautiful boyfriend…masking in the fame…I was extremely proud of his success. I just wished they focused on the company and its many attributions to improving technology and new innovations…they could even focus on the many charities he contributed to. But no…all they really cared about who the new chick of the week for the mogul Christian Grey was…

The picture of him cupping and tipping her face…hit home just too damn hard. So what did I do?

I asked him...

Christian explained…

"Anastasia…not this again, look, you know Elena and I have a longtime friendship. That is all we have. Things changed years ago…as a matter of fact. Things changed on the day you and I met. Baby…stop this. I know it looks bad. Trust me and just stop this. I've got enough stress to deal with."

My silence spoke volumes. We hung up mad at each other but the next day he sent me flowers to every class I attended in school, at work, and when I got home I had a bouquet in every room. Each one had a simple message…but each message spoke volumes…

"I'm sorry."

"I'm an Arse"

"Only you"

"Forgive me…I can't lose you."

"I love you."

"You're the sneakiest thief…for stealing my heart." That one was my second favorite…

"I love you and will love you until the day I die." That one had me calling him and telling just how much I loved him.

"Baby?" he answered sounding exasperated.

"Hi." Biting my lip and closing my eyes…I miss him so much.

"Hi." He whispers making me giggle. He sighs then growls seductively into the phone…

"Fuck Ana…that is the best sound is the entire universe. I bet you're biting that sweet lip. I miss you baby. I need to see you. We've both been so busy with work and school but you're scheduled for a few days off for Thanksgiving right? I want to go and get you. I need to love you, be inside of you. Christ, Ana…I love you so much…I want you so much…I need you baby…I need you here with me. I'll fly you every morning to school…please Ana…come back to me." His words go right through and make my knees go weak.

"I need you too. I love you Christian, please don't ever forget that." I answer lowly. "Christian…I have to work during the holidays. I can't go. I'm sorry. But maybe you could come here. Stay with me? Fly to work every morning." Silence for a few seconds.

"Christian? I don't want to keep fighting. Please, I feel…I feel like I'm losing you. Not to the women…but to the long distance." I whisper.

"Baby No! No! God Ana…I told you I'll wait. Forever if I have too. I just…fuck! It's fucking frustrating not to have my girlfriend with me all the time. I can't go and stay with you either. I've been working on a huge project in Taiwan and need to be at my office within fifteen minutes if needed. This deal is going to make me hundreds of millions. I am going to add another ten thousand jobs; I can't work out of Portland. I'm sorry. Fuck baby! We can't win can we?" I shake my head but realize he can't see me.

"It's okay honey…we will make it work." I softy whisper then once again bite my lip trying to hide the pain of not being able to be together.

"Stop biting your lip Ana." He growls. This makes me giggle.

"How?"

"I know you enough to know when you're doing it and don't you dare roll your eyes or purse your lips." I laugh out loud…I was about to do just that.

"Okay…now you're freaking me out! Where's the camera hidden Christian? I know you see me here naked, so give it up and tell where it's at so I could spread my legs wide open for you." I tease him, time to lighten the mood.

"Ana…fuck baby…you're naked?" I smile…

"No…I do have on my panties…no bra…I just came home to your beautiful surprise…thank you by the way. Kate was impressed; even she said you melted her cold as ice heart." I giggle but he just let out a sensual sound that made my middle ache for his touch.

"No bra Ana?" He whispers.

"Where are you?"

"In my office baby, there's nobody to keep me warm at night. So might as well stay here late." He sadly says.

I don't know what came over me…but I get up and lock my door, I walk to my bed and dim the lights, then climb into my bed.

"Christian…I miss you." I longingly whisper.

"I miss you too baby." He smiled.

"Christian…I really miss you, all of you." Seductively.

"Oh," he grins

"You miss me _**THAT **_way." As he said the words, my yearning increased, this fire has burned for the last few months.

"Just so you know baby, I miss you _**THAT**_ way too."

"Mmmmmm," I lean back against the headboard, my pillows piled behind me. I'm imagining him here, standing above me, next to my bed.

We are silent for a few seconds. There's an empty space between us, my body tingles for him. Closing my eyes, I could feel his heat, his best part, the mass and unbelievable scent of him.

"Christian?"

"Yeah baby"

"Uh, lock your office door."

"Already did it baby," he whispers without hesitation.

"So you're alone?" I shyly ask.

"Yes."

"Are you?" I smiled into the phone. "Mm-Hmmm, Kate had a late class."

"Panties still on?" I could hear the smile on his face.

"Yes…over heating my body, what about you?" He chuckles, hearing the need in my voice.

"Pants are down to my knees." he answers. "I'm in my boxers. So you miss me huh?"

"Terribly." I whimper, feeling the moistness between my legs.

"My dick is so hard for your baby, want to stroke it?" I grin and slowly lick my lips. My breathing increases.

"You do, don't you? I could hear it in the way you are breathing." My silence is confirmation.

"Yes…I wish I was there so I could stroke it before putting it in my hot, wet mouth." His gasp. Then silence.

My computer Skype screen begins to flash; I could see he was on the other end…

"Christian?"

"Answer your Skype baby. I need to see you while we do this."

All coherent thoughts end. I answer it and see him in virtual land with his massive erection in his hand. He had slipped his erection out of the opening, to stand tall in his lap, jutting proudly, thick, big, full and needy.

"Ana…Christ! You're so fucking beautiful. God…I'm tempted to fly to you now. I can't wait to kiss you, touch you, hold you, smell you, be deep inside of you and make love to you."

I bite my lip, what a sight for sore eyes. Why haven't we done this before.

"You're biting that delicious lip baby. I'm so horny. This is going to be quick baby. Keep the phone to your ear, I want to whisper in your ear while I cum and make you cum." I feel a squirt drip out of me. His words have me so aroused.

"Christian? Can I suck your dick?" I ask as I slowly place my index finger into my mouth and begin to lick and suck it as if it were his dick.

"Fuck Ana…you're so fucking sexy, you're my perfection. How did I get so lucky?"

"Mmmmmmm." I moan while continuing to suck deep and slowly.

"Yes. Like that…suck my dick, yes…let me feel your sweet hot mouth."

His hand strokes his rod, then two fingers grip under the head, thumb on top, and squeezing a slight pull to the tip. He never used a full hand grip, the three fingers are experts, falling easily into their routine. His breath increases in my ear while I continue to see him stroking his cock.

"Your cock taste so good baby." I whisper into the phone. Seeing him aroused and stiff is heightening my own desires. I feel the pulse inside of me. The first throb of blood engorgement flows between my legs and moisturizes my core.

I envision his hard member inside of my mouth and his fingers deep inside of me. I begin to squirm.

"Take off those panties baby, let me see you touch yourself, bring your breast to your mouth…lick and suck your nipple while you pinch and tease the other."

I do as he tells me and immediately I can feel my nipples getting hard, they are fully erect."

I tease the areola and pull the nipples while sucking on the opposite one lightly, clipping it a little with my teeth just like he does before I suck it deeply and make loud moaning and sucking noises of pure, erotic pleasure. I feel a shutter of sensations course through my.

He squeezes his cock tighter and growls into my ear almost making me climax with the sound of his voice.

"Fuck Ana…yeah, you're so hot for this…you're so fucking beautiful, sexy, amazing. Open your legs…let me see that glistening sweet pussy baby," stroking his cock in tight half strokes, just his two fingers underneath, and his thumb on top.

"Your mouth is so good on me baby…but now it's time to let me fuck you. Do you want that…are you ready?"

"Oh, yes!" As I spread my legs.

"Yeah nice and wet just as I though. Slip your middle finger on your wet slit baby…that's my cock rubbing on it…find that sweet button and trace a circle around it…do it with enough pressure to feel good…but not to make yourself cum…not yet." I do as he instructs me and we both let out a deep moan in unison.

"Christian…please."

"Yeah, baby, stroke that hard cock for me. I'm playing with your pussy rubbing my cock up and down it. Use your other hand baby…rub your slit…continue to rub that sweet button…yeah…Ana…oh fuck Ana…I know you're close…I could hear it in your breathing…fuck baby…look at me…I want you to see me cum all over my hands…thinking of your sweet hot pussy." I look at him and we lock eyes on the screen as his voice trails off.

"Slide two finger in baby…sit up and spread those legs and slide two fingers deep like it was my cock inside of you…find that sweet spot inside of you, I want to see you gush all over my dick," he croaks in my ear. My fingers slowly enter me...

"Like that Ana; fuck yourself, bounce on my thick hard cock. Harder baby…fuck my dick harder."

I feel a thrill run through me at his dominant voice, knowing its projecting his want to have my wet pussy on his dick. I start to bounce on my own hands, while one is rubbing harder on my button the other is fucking my pussy, as I finally found my sweet spot.

The phone is now on speaker phone for both of us…I settle back into the bed, as I raise my knees and spread my legs in the practiced way I would have done if he were fucking me. I want him to see how open and wet I am as my fingers slip in and out of me, touching myself for him.

"M-mm, this pussy feels sweet. You're so fucking sexy," He throttles in excitement. We both begin to go faster…he's stroking his cock harder and I my hands are working magic inside of me and on my clit.

I know he is close. I could hear it in the wonderful sex sounds he is grunting through his teeth. The sound of his erotic breath and the view of his throbbing dick sends a sensation from my toes through my core and all the way up my spine…

He groans…

"Oh, yeah, honey," he hisses, spilling precum from the tip to his balls swirling it on the underside of his cock.

"My cock is between your legs, stroking your pussy," he loudly groans.

"Christian. I'm close."

"I know baby. You're so hot, keep it up baby…yes…let me fuck you…let me bang that sweet pussy." My hands get rougher…deeper, harder, I smear the dripping nectar from my dripping core up and down my pussy and insert my fingers again and moan loudly as my climax is dangerously close.

"My cock is dripping for you, baby, here...taste it…and let me taste you."

He slides his fingers in his mouth and I do the same and we both groan together.

"So fucking good…you like this don't you? Can you taste it?"

"Yes"

I spread my legs wider while I salivated from just his words alone. I could taste myself still and remembered the taste of him and his thick hot cum making moan even louder. I brace myself, my body is overheating, sheen of sweat is masking it, I am panting…I'm so close to fall.

"Oh, Christian," I use my fingers and pull my folds open and back, exposing my clit. I felt the cool air on my hot button.

"Fuck Ana, look at her…she's so beautiful moist, sweet and that button looks so hard and fully erect. Fuck baby…you're so hard. So hot."

"Christian…I'm going to cum…I feel it." I pant and moan louder. My hips are gyrating and my hands and fingers are going crazy inside of me, on my button, all around me feeling like it's his hands about to make me cum.

"Oh, yeah, Ana…fuck that pussy is already dripping. I could see it trembling. Like that baby. Keep doing it…yeah faster, harder…like that baby." he keeps stroking his precum from the top of his cock, all the way up and down…going harder and faster like he's telling me to do.

"So horny and sexy fuck yourself hard baby. Just the way I do it…just the way you like it."

He quickens his stroke, seeing my fingers inside of me, thrashing on the bed as I would when we fucked, my head back and eyes wide, unseeing, getting my pussy pounded. In his mind this was him, driving the shaft into my wetness, harder than he would ever go, knowing my own limits and pushing them for the greatest pleasure.

"Oh, fuck, that's so good, oh, fuck, me, fuck me harder," I cry.

"You're going to make me cum," he grunts, "I want to cum in your hot tight pussy."

"Fuck, I'm close, I'm close."

"Yes, do it!" he orders, "cum for me, shoot that sweet hot nectar down my throbbing cock." I feel it starting, "that's right baby…feel it…do it, cum for me!"

"Oh, my God…Christian! Here it comes, here it comes. Yes! Yes! Ohhhh…" my words stopped in mid-shriek, and stars filled my eyes, I cum, hard, my body frozen in passion, my limbs tight and trembling.

"Fuuuckkk Ana…yes….open your eyes…see me cum…FUUCKKK! AHHHH!"

He bellows as his back arches, his hips raise up, his cock points up to the towel laying on his chest, and his legs tensed; he strokes the tip of his cock with tight, urgent strokes as his balls pulled up, and clench and the first blast shot up, striking the towel as he groans and he stands than leans into his waste basket and he groans louder as the rest of his beautiful release pour steadily out of him. Thick, slick hot syrup striped him, making his legs weak, the last blasts spurts out on his hands pooling in his palm.

His breathing is harder, louder; feeling the cum slip through his fingers as he slicked his cock feeling the sensation intensify until he could not tolerate anymore and he stops himself, slick and wet, he slumps exhausted and sated in his chair.

That must have been the most erotic thing I've ever saw.

I was still enjoying my prolonged orgasm as I heard his heaving breath, I imagined him spurting deep and hot inside of me, I began to rub my clit harder and amazingly I feel another wave of pleasure; a second one, not as strong or sudden, but the pleasure filled me and I called out his name loudly to the empty room.

As I came down I felt so light.

"God, that was great," he finally said. "I needed that," he added.

"MmmHmmm, so did I," I confessed, my pussy still tingling. I was spent, and euphoric, and dreamily reached for the phone.

"I love you so very much my beautiful and sexy girlfriend. So fucking much." He whispered in my ear once he saw the phone reached my ear through our Skype session.

"I love you to Christian. More than words can say." I reply than stretch my satisfied body across the bed.

"You know Miss Steele, that was another first for us baby…I've never done that before." I sat up and smile.

"No?" He shook his head.

"NoPe." I smile and bit my lip hearing him groan my name softly into my ear.

"That fucking lip baby"

"Well Mr. Grey ~ we do aim to please." He laughs then blows me a kiss.

He stops and frowns...

"Go eat, shower than go to sleep. I can't wait to see you baby." He whispers. "Me too" I whispered dreamily, as the relaxation of the release wrapped my body like a blanket in a comfortable, wonderful warmth.

"I love you Ana…always believe that...Laters Baby." He seductively whispers.

I giggled. "I love you too…Laters Christian."

We reassured each other of our mutual love over and over again. Neither one of us wanting to hang up. This experience with him was perfection. We were both satisfied and relaxed but anxious to see each other again soon. I could not help but to recall the events of our amazing virtual sex another sweet dirty little secret…which I loved…until I finally fell asleep.

~**Present**~

God…I could still feel everything I did on that day like it was yesterday…I can't wait to see him…going to him is going to be…_**Perfection**_…at its best!

Still driving…I glance at the clock…6:00am…thirty minutes before I reach my destination.

The sun is rising…beautiful…peaceful…magical.

"The scariest thing about distance is that you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you." ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

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	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters…they belong to E.L. James…this is my version of her wonderful story.

**So another Chapter…warning…Kleenex needed…have a little faith…**

**And our story continues…NO CHEATING!**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

"They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now" ― Edna St. Vincent Millay

**~Still driving~**

**6:00am…**

**After incredible virtual long distance Sex…**

We finally spoke about the picture…Mrs. Robinson and he being only friends. He said she knew how miserable and lonely he was without me and was trying to get him to get a new submissive. She misunderstood our relationship, doesn't know what true love is. He said he blasted her and shot her down, both of them at that very moment as the woman had just entered and sat quietly at the table. Her submissive stance; looking down was her embarrassed and apologizing for Elena overstepping her boundaries and promising not to contact him ever again. He said she began to cry…he felt bad and was also apologizing for being so harsh and yelling at her when this was clearly Elena's doing.

_**Clearly…**_

My stomach ached so badly hearing his words…something is just not right…but I trust him and I believe him…but I really and truly do not believe that the end of the Subs R'Us services attempted by the troll will dissipate…no, I believe she will keep trying to shove them down his throat. My women instincts tell me this bitch has to be stopped…_**by me.**_

I'm not sure how? I'm not sure if I am strong enough to do it since they seem to have this sickening connection. She was all he wanted for so many years. He said he never loved her…she didn't know it nor how to do love…but she pleased him in ways I can't even imagine…_can't even fathom or understand._ Truthfully…that's what it all boils down to, _fear_. I'm so afraid of not being enough for him…_**I left him**_. He begged me to stay and _**I left him**_…so this is what I get…_this is what I have to accept-if I want to keep him_.

That was the night my nightmares began…showcasing Christian and the alleged new love of his life…_**Leila Williams ~ submissive extraordinaire ~ **__skank bitch!_

"You see, you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too-even when you're in the dark. Even when you are falling." ― Mitch Albom, _Tuesdays With Morrie_

**Present time**

_**6:30am…almost at Escala…**_

The song on my Ipod changes to Hunter Hayes – **I want Crazy**

No, I don't want "good" and I don't want "good enough"  
I want "can't sleep, can't breathe without your love"  
Front porch and one more kiss, it doesn't make sense to anybody else  
Who cares if you're all I think about,  
I've searched the world and I know now,  
It ain't right if you ain't lost your mind  
Yeah, I don't want easy, I want crazy

Yeah, look at us baby, tonight the midnight rules are breaking  
There's no such thing as wild enough,  
And maybe we just think too much  
Who needs to play it safe in love?  
Let's be crazy!

I love this song…it's about us…our long distance relationship and how crazy in love we are with each other. I hit repeat and sing it very loudly once again.

The final rendition as I pull into Escala's underground garage. Yes…Christian…driving here in the middle of the night is not sane…actually it's a bit insane…if that's not crazy…I don't know what is. But that's what I am…crazy for you…insanely in love with you, ridiculously head over heels for you. This relationship is not traditional, not in any sense ~ _but it is real_. This is our fresh start. This is who we are and what we are ~ Christian Grey…_**ready or not…here I come babe! **_

I climb out of the car. I rush to his private elevator and punch in the security code. When the elevator doors open, I stop in my tracks, literally frozen to the spot. Shit! I didn't expect this. I am face to face with Jason Taylor and his new guard a younger man, closer to Christian's age…maybe younger… _Mr. Luke Sawyer_.

Christian told me about him and showed me his picture during one of our Skype date nights. He hinted he might be my assigned as my personal protection. This caused us to argue since I explained to him there was no need for protection since I was his dirty little secret…no one knew we were involved. That statement didn't go to well and I immediately regretted it, especially when he pointed out that fact was a result of my choices ~ _not his._

I apologized but kept my ground ~ _no guard_, _no need, not going to happen_.

Frustrated…he finally conceded but emphasized he will be assigned to protect me once we decide to go public. Rolling my eyes I compromised and finally agreed. He reminded me how rude eye rolling was which made me giggle and ended our disagreement. _How the heck does he do that? I'm on the phone…yet he knows me so well. _

**So back to Sawyer…**

There he is and here I am ~ we finally meet. _**I just wish I wasn't standing here practically…naked!**_

Both take me in from head to toes and slowly back up. When our eyes meet, Taylor looks away as his face becomes as crimson red as I know mine is. The heat in my face could easily fry an egg! _He is trying to be a gentleman and be discreet_.

Now Luke Sawyer…no…he's a very audacious man! His eyes never leave my body…their dark, filled with lust, almost popping out of their sockets. He's raking me in…he gasp and almost whistles very lowly…but I heard him and so did Taylor…then in an instant all sound stops…I think Luke has stopped breathing.

I immediately look down; too embarrassed to continue to meet their gaze ~ _I am almost naked_.

I fidget and try to cover whatever I can with my purse and whisper, "I'm sorry...for my attire or lack thereof…but I was kind of in a rush to get here. I miss him…a lot. Is he here? Could you let me…please?"

I can't even look at them. I can feel their eyes go right through me. I try to cover my breast by crossing my arms. Not only am I in my cami and panties…which are lacy and see through black! But also, my cami is a belly shirt…showing off my tight abs, my sexy belly button and to top it off, my booty shorts…barely cover my butt, _they leave nothing to the imagination_.

They are very sexy…but should be for Christian's eyes only…they are not meant for his security team. _I am in so much trouble!_

Clearing his throat, Taylor finally makes the first move and gestures for me to go inside. I rush pass him but can't quite pass the brick wall blocking the door…Luke Sawyer is almost in a trance.

"Excuse me Sir." I whisper. I don't know what to do. He is fucking me with his eyes.

He breathes in deeply then slowly speaks ~ _in a song like whisper_. "Wow…Miss…you are breathtakingly beautiful. A real angel, a piece of heaven that has fallen from above." He's still in his stupor.

I hear and feel Taylor's growl…

"Sawyer…step aside and let her in. This is Miss Steele." He is angry I could tell I hear it in his bark. Luke Sawyer is not affected.

"Nice to meet you Miss Steele." He replies.

"Sawyer…Miss Anastasia Steele…you know…_**THE ANASTASIA STEELE**_! You know as in the boss's girlfriend! _**Does death wish mean anything to you**_?" He warns.

He chuckles…"Lucky SOB that boss of ours is. Anastasia Steele, a beautiful name for a beautiful girl." Oh no! What the hell is wrong with this man?

"**Luke Fucking Sawyer**!" Taylor barks.

"Wake the fuck up! Step away and let her in you fucking moron!" He walks over to us and shoves Luke to the side, unblocking the doorway. I am shocked. Oh my lord…I can't believe I am affecting this man in this way. I giggle to myself…well that's one quick way to make sure I don't have any personal protection! Wait until he finds out about this!

Taylor's words soften, "ma'am…I'm sorry about this." He apologizes without looking at me.

I answer quickly…

"It's okay. I understand. Sorry about this…Uh…nice to meet you Mr. Sawyer, if you would both excuse me…I need to find my man." I attempt to cover myself and walk towards the door backwards, while covering myself as best I can.

Of course…Luke Sawyer doesn't stop…"The pleasure all mine Miss Steele." He seductively states. _He really should have_…

At that moment the door opens wide and the next moments go by in slow motion…

First I sense him before I see him…the power of our love sends waves right through me ~ _Oh my…still?_

_But the anger in his voice spirals through the entire foyer…snapping everyone back into place_

"Anastasia?" He looks at me from head to toes. Anger…pure unadulterated anger…_oh shit!_ "**What the FUCK**! Taylor, Sawyer? Anastasia?"

Again, he looks at me as I quickly turn towards him, biting my lip while his eyes drink me in ~ _filled with lust_. He immediately looks at the two men who were standing right beside me and the fury in his face is instantaneously. He removes the towel draped around his neck…I guess he was going to work out and wraps me in it and shoves me behind him, shielding me with his hard as steel body ~ _he really should be one of the wonders of the world, he's just simply flawless. _

His anger once again brings me back to the here and now…

"Taylor! What the fuck is going on? Be wise with your words as you are both in very big danger of being FIRED!" He scowls at them. Mr. Sawyer finally wakes up from his spell and Mr. Taylor looks ashamed.

"Sir, I apologize, Sawyer and I were going downstairs to clear the gym for your workout and were in the security office when we were alerted of someone accessing your private elevator. We immediately checked and seen a naked woman…well almost naked woman riding the elevator." Christian grunts as Taylor briefly looks toward me but immediately looks at his boss.

He continues, "we didn't know who she was so when we armed ourselves and waited in the foyer…we were shocked to see Miss Steele exiting the elevator…dressed like" clearing his throat. This time he gestures with his chin, but doesn't look my way. I could feel the heat all over my body. _I am really in deep shit!_

"Sir, I apologize. She just got here and she was going in." Christian looks at Sawyer and frowns.

"And you? What's your excuse for eye-fucking my girlfriend?" Sawyer looks at Christian in the eye, his stance is strong, but his demeanor filled with guilt.

"Mr. Grey, Sir, please except my apology. I didn't realize this was Miss Steele. I thought she was one of the... I mean, she just looks like them. I'm sorry sir. I never met her in person. She just looks different from her profile picture."

_**Christian looks pale as a ghost. I gasp…fearing what he was unsuccessfully trying to explain…I looked like them…the submissive…the women…all brunettes…but how? Does that mean he still has them…does that mean…**__he has been unfaithful to me?_

"Anastasia…please go inside. I need to speak to my team." I begin to walk away, bereft, but then I hear the elevator ping.

We all turn towards it and what I see shatters my already aching heart.

_**There she is…my sadness turns to fury…**_

"Great! Could this morning get any better? What the fuck are you doing here?" Christian barks so loud, the vibration of his anger made my entire body shake.

She looks at him, takes a step back, shocked by his reaction to her being here, but barely for a second, she quickly recovers as our eyes lock. Her demeanor changes, she smiles almost wickedly then answers in an innocent voice…

"I'm sorry Sir…but why wouldn't I be here? We do this almost every other day." She whispers then looks down…like a…

_**Submissive**_. My world is coming to an end…if I go down…_**she will to**_! Is she really trying to play this role…is she really fucking kidding me! What was he thinking?

Wrapping the towel around my body tightly... I begin to walk away. I can't do this anymore. I really can't _~ That was my second of temporary insanity…key word…temporary…_

"Fuck! What the fuck are you doing? Don't fucking play these games? You know we are not..."

My voice interrupts his words ~ _he doesn't realize my anger is erupting…almost uncontrollably._

In a very calm, clear voice I tell him four simple words…

"_**Enough! This is it."**_ My voice is determined.

He gasps…

"Anastasia."

Christian grabs me by my elbow and turns me towards him. He cups my face and with eyes filled with fear I hear his word far…far away.

"It's not what you think baby…please…it's not what you think." I hear her chuckle and what happens next doesn't surprise me, not one bit…I knew I reached my limit ~ _she did this…not me…_

I roughly push Christian away from me and in a nano-second make my way to the chuckling bitch. My hand balls into a fist and wipe the smirk and evil grin off her face; knocking her on her ass.

"You fucking slutty bitch. I've had enough! I'm done. But not with him! I'm fucking done with you…with your fucking bullshit. You pathetic fake ass, wannabe Barbie bitch! Do you think I am going to stand here and allow you to continue to manipulate him? To abuse him? You're nothing but a fucking pedophile! Get the fuck out of here before I stomp your ass down the stairs and reverse the Botox on your face and deflated those nasty sagging silicone breast."

She smiles again and licks the blood on her lip and moans ~ _this is one sick bitch!_

"Christian darling…tell this little girl what you and I have is real. The way I fuck you and let you fuck me…to please you…she could never, ever, even come close to doing so…no she can't…can she? Listen up little tramp…go back home little girl…tell daddy to change your diapers, like he did in the lobby of that hotel on the first night we met."

She smiles while making a strange sound…almost purring.

"Mmmmm…I love licking blood…reminds me of when I licked it off of your body darling…makes me wet just to remember how you begged me to let you fuck me, over and over again…hmmmm…when was that? Not too long ago…right Darling?" She winks at him.

I hear muffled sounds of him yelling at her, telling her to stop the lies, demanding her to tell me the truth.

_**I don't even turn around to verify. **_

The lines were crossed and my vision was blurred. I lost it. The built up rage for all I've gone through for almost four years because of this heartless bitch made me snap.

That's it…I'm fucking her up!

They tried to grab me, but I was too quick.

I leap on top of her and punch her again even harder and knock her ass out! Fuck! I think I broke my wrist! But so worth it…_yeah take that you blood sucking vampire, sick as fuck bitch! Who the fuck did she think she was messing with? ~ _Raymond Steele taught me well!

But that's not enough…I promised to reverse the Botox…I never break a promise. Just as I angle my foot to stomp her face, I feel strong arms lift me by my waist and throw me over his shoulder. My body is thrashing all around him all the way into the apartment.

I am so out of control. Who the heck am I? What has possessed me?

"Let me go Christian! I am going to show that pedophile some fucking respect! Let me knock some sense into her…just a little bit...Oh come on! Let me have some fun! Where the fuck is your humor! I promise to make her look better! Improve her features! Make he look like the sick evil witch that she is! Let me fucking GOOOO!"

I am struggling…trying to get him to put me down.

He walks in, up the stairs to his room and goes straight into the bathroom, turns on the shower, smacks me hard on my butt then steps in the shower fully dressed with me, still holding me over his shoulder and makes things even worse! We just stepped into an ice cold shower!

I shriek…the coldness shocks me system…my very over heated system.

"You need to Cool the fuck off!" He yells.

I scream.

"You Christian Grey are an ARSE! Put me down!"

*Smack* *Smack* *Smack* he spanks me again, really hard making me yelp!

"Owwww! Shit! Stop hitting me! That hurts! You are **NOT** my father Christian Grey."

I can't believe he is doing this to me. Why me? This was not my fault. My body is becoming numb…I don't know if it's from the water or his words…_**I believe it is the latter**_.

"**THEN STOP ACTING LIKE A PETULANT CHILD! RELAX! COOL OFF…I AM GOING TO SPANK YOU AGAIN IF YOU DON'T CALM THE FUCK DOWN. BELIEVE ME IT WON'T BE FOR PLEASURE ANASTASIA ROSE STEELE**!" His anger is bouncing off him and every surface in the bathroom.

I have never, ever seen this side of him. I have never, ever felt him treat me like this. I stop…everything in me stops. My body goes limp over his shoulder. _I am stoic._

He doesn't realize I stopped fighting him. He continues to scold me…but now in a cold, dominating voice his grip tightens on my thighs…painfully…I know I am going to bruise ~ a broken wrist, a stinging ass and colorful thighs…_I am going to look like a runway model_…

_**Amazingly…none of those things hurt…well compare to his next words and the pain my heart ~ I rather endure the beating instead of my broken heart**_…

"Enough! Anastasia! Stop it! Don't do this! Stop it. You're wrong about her. ELENA LINCOLN, . NOT. ABUSE. ME! Stop accusing her of it. I am tired of this bullshit. This relationship is draining me, drowning me. If this is what love is supposed to be…than fuck it! I don't want it anymore. _**I've had Enough already**_! You need to Grow the fuck up!" He barks.

My entire body begins to shake; I know it's NOT from the cold water…his words…NOW _nothing really matter_…

"Please put me down Christian." I whisper through shattering teeth.

He continues to yell…I can't tell you what…the sound of broken glass…the sound of my shattering heart and soul has completely muted his words. There is only one thing left for me to do…the only thing he will understand…

"_**Red**_."

He gasps and finally notices the state I'm in.

Within seconds the temperature in the shower changes from ice-cold to warm and eventually to steaming hot.

Both of lips are purple. He was torturing both of us. I think I am going to die. _At least I wish I could die at this moment._

"Please put me down." I ask again in a catatonic state.

He slowly slides me down his body and holds me by my shoulders trying to steady me. Even though it's very hot in the shower I haven't stopped trembling.

I can't even look at him. I look down and stare at the floor…in a submissive stance, the one he loves so much, finally…how ironic. It doesn't matter…I just keep hearing his words echoing through my brain and embedding them into my heart while destroying my soul.

_**Tired…**_

_**Relationship…Draining…**_

_**Drowning…don't want it no more…**_

_**Love…I don't want it anymore…**_

_**I've had enough…grow the fuck up…**_

I can't stop shaking; the pain with each word is shattering my poor little aching heart.

"Anastasia…baby? I'm sorry…I didn't mean those words." How does he know? Does he read my thoughts? That also doesn't matter. It's done.

I hear his words but they go right through me…his other words are already buried too deeply. I am trying to catch my breath. My heart is pounding.

I can't believe he is defending that woman. I can't believe I drove from Portland, in the middle of the night, practically naked…to finally give into our love and this is what I find, this is what I get. My boyfriend…doing who knows what…every other day with his sexual abuser…a woman that has done nothing but bring us havoc…a woman that has poisoned our relationship since the day we met. A woman that finally wins and gets what she wanted…** .DONE**.

The end of our love…the end of our friendship…the end of him and me…_**of us.**_

"Anastasia…please baby…look at me. I'm sorry…I lost my temper. I swear to you, please look at me." He cups my face with both hands and bends to meet me at eye level.

He inhales deeply as I would imagine he sees the same emptiness I am feeling in my eyes…the emptiness that so deep within.

"No baby…please…please…don't leave me. Don't disconnect the bond between us…baby…I'm sorry." Our eyes are locked but no emotions or reactions come out of me. Not a tear, not anger, not sadness…just empty…I'm gone…_**a nothing**_.

**It finally happened**…

I'm broken. There's no more fight or tears left in me. All this pain and agony I've gone through all these years…all the love he claimed to have for me…when it mattered the most…when all was said and done…_**the truth finally set us free**_.

He shuts the water and lifts me bridal style to him. He grabs a towel and wraps me in it then carries me into his bedroom and dries my body while I stand emotionless. Letting him do whatever he wants to me. Isn't that what I've done all these years? Why change now? I've allowed him to do whatever he wanted to me. One minute he loved me…the next minute he didn't. One day I am his best friend…the next his enemy. One day he professes his love to me and tells me I am the love of his life…the next day I drained and drowned him, made him not believe in our love anymore and declare he's had enough.

_**I got it and get it…it's all good**_.

Christian managed to take my wet underclothes off and replaced it with my dry ones which he informed me was purchased and left here so I won't have to ever pack a bag to come see him. My body is still shaking, but my eyes are still blank…looking at him but not seeing him. Still lost in my thoughts…not hearing the words he is saying…at this moment, all I hear are subdued sounds, all his words throughout the years, the good and the bad, the most of all…the ones that tore me apart…just like the ones he said today.

I'm in this state for what seemed like forever.

Until I hear him crying. The pain in voice brought me back…

"Anastasia?" He sounds like a lost little boy, the same little boy I met on that very first day in the hospital…so very long ago.

"I already lost you didn't I?" He whispers his voice sad and shaky. His voice is filled with so much agony, so much pain and worst of all…so much fear.

I lean in and wipe his tears from his drenched face with my thumbs. My eyes are dry. I can't believe how my composed I am. Such tranquility; it's eerie. It's like the calmness before the storm. _I'm good_.

"Anastasia…please answer me. I fucked up didn't I? I made you hit rock bottom…I have lost you forever…haven't I. Oh God Baby…please…I can't…I can't lose you…I'm a fucking fool. A hot-tempered fool. You are the love of my life. I'm sorry…I'm so fucking sorry. Please believe me." He holds me tightly to his chest while his tears cascade down his face and into my hair. The hair he somehow managed to dry, funny thing about it is that I have no recollection of him doing it…

I look up and see his eyes are closed. I reach for his hand and bring his palm to my lips. His red rimmed eyes open, uncertainty in them.

I give him a sweet little smile. "Shhhh…baby…I believe you and I love you too. I always have loved you and I always will." I whisper into his palm then stand and start walking towards his bed while still holding his hand. Pulling him to me.

"Anastasia…Baby? Do you forgive me? Are you staying…you're…you're not leaving me?" He sounds so lost. I shake my head.

"Christian." I grab his face and kiss him deeply, passionately, pour all the pain in agony in my heart and soul into this very kiss.

He moans deeply into my mouth. I stop and slowly peel off the clothing he just dressed me with. I pull him to me and begin to kiss him again.

"Ana?" he whispers my name like he's asking a question.

"Make love to me Christian. Please…I came here to love you and let you love me…please Christian…make love to me. I just want to let you love me." I pull off his shirt and begin to kiss his neck and chest.

"Make love to me Christian…just love me…let me love you and show me you love me too."

"I do baby…so fucking much. I love you so much. You're my Ana…my world, my heart, my soul…you're my everything. I would be nothing without you. Please believe that…please."

Now is his turn to tremble in my arms, but not for long as his lips find mine and slowly and passionately, he did exactly what I just begged him to do...

Our bodies connect, lost in the blissfulness of our love, our souls and our broken hearts, both aching to be loved.

The love we made was beyond anything we've ever experienced. We made love all day and all night, slowly and passionately until we could take no more. Not stopping once to get out of bed, not stopping once to clean ourselves up…all we did was love…I showed him I loved him…and allowed him to show me just how much he loved me too.

When the sun went down and the moon and stars shined up above in the peacefulness of the night…_we finally fell asleep_.

_**Well at least he did…**_

**~Twenty-four hours later~**

**3:00am…Portland… **

I walk into my apartment and collapse on my bed. I can't believe I once again drove in the middle of the night back home. _At least this time I got dressed_.

I did leave something behind in my haste to run…_**my heart**_…but truthfully…it no longer belongs to me…

_Reality hits…heavy and hard._

Instantaneously, the tranquility I was bragging about disappeared. My heart and soul finally broke into a million pieces…I finally came full circle. In twenty four hours I managed to wake up at this exact time and decide to stop living in fear and take the biggest risk of my life…to love and finally be loved.

I made it there…to heaven…but heaven had an angel in disguise…leading him back into the darkness. I tried to walk through his hell to lead him into the light…but he turned his back on me and chose the serpent…and that's where my story ended…

Now I am and forever will be in purgatory. _**I have drowned and drained him…love was not enough.**_ So I showed him how much I loved him…let him love me the way I know he is able to…I declared my love for him over and over. I allowed the love we shared to consume us even if it was short-lived.

The love so deep within us…inside us both, shined right through him, right through me…right through…_**us**_…but at the end of the day…when the smoke finally clear and the stillness invaded us both…under the sad silver moon…

_**I left him…I left him…Oh God…I left him. **_

He asked me did he finally lose me. I couldn't answer him. I guess I didn't because it's impossible to lose something that you never really wanted. Something that you never made yours…something that no matter how hard and how many times we attempted…no matter how much we loved from deeply within…

_**Was never meant to be…**_

So that peacefulness I was feeling was just as I previously thought…_**the calm before the storm**_.

The dam finally burst and all the pain and agony choked out of me like a tidal wave crashing from the ocean, making its way to the land and destroying everything in its path.

I am the sun…he is the moon…_we are the sea_…but the life he chose…gave rise to the tide and attracted the public indignation of the most lethal tidal wave sweeping through our world, destructive, no matter how much we tried to prevent it…the powerful movement it came in proved full force, it was strongest than us both…_**as it finally swept our love away**_.

A chill runs through my entire body…as if his pain joined mine…I could almost hear his voice…calling my name…

I grab my phone…_devastated_…but knowing he needs to hear my voice…truthfully…I need to hear his too. But I stop myself. No…this vicious cycle ends today…

"I love you Christian Grey…_today…tomorrow…forever_."

I grab his shirt still smelling of him…the one I put on…the one I took to remind me of him…and softly say his name over and over as the tears continuously fall…drenching his shirt…

"**Christian, Christian…Oh my God…Christian**." I sob unable to control the pain.

How am I going to survive this? _How do you live without any air?_

**~Christian back in Escala~**

"Sometimes, the only soul that can mend a broken heart is the one that broke it. For they are the ones holding all the pieces." ― Patti Roberts, _The Angels Are Here_

I open my eyes slowly and know even before I reach for her that she's gone. The rumbling in my chest in too powerful to hold in. A deep shuttering ache consumes me. I turn to her pillow and inhale her magical scent. _**She's gone.**_ I know this is it…I know it's forever…I feel it…I feel the emptiness inside of me and know that there is no fixing this wrong.

I lost her…I lost my love…Oh God…I lost her…

The pain and agony are too much to bear. I succumb to the throbbing that's consuming every part of me. I let it all out…I finally let it go…

I hold my pillow tightly to my face and scream her name. Please hear me and feel my pain…

"**Anastasiaaaaaaaaaaaaa**!" hoping she forgives me and saves me once again.

In the midst of my torture…through the tears and the ache…I hear her soft voice…calling my name…over and over again…

My alarm clock rings and ironically the one song I don't need to hear playing…

The tears stream down my face, I close my eyes and sob harder than I've cried before. I can't be without her…

"**Anastasiaaaaa**! No baby Please…I'm sor..sorry…please…I don't want to live without you…please… **Anastasiaaaaaaaaa!"** Closing my eyes I succumb to the pain…_when all that I've been living for…is gone. _

How am I going to survive this? How do I live without you…my air?

**Michael Boltons ~ How am I Supposed to Live Without You?**

_Tell me how am supposed to live without you_

_Now that I've been lovin' you so long_

_How am I supposed to live without you_

_How am I supposed to carry on_

_When all that I've been livin 'for is gone_

_I didn't come here for cryin' _

_Didn't come here to breakdown_

_It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end_

_And how can I blame you_

_When I build my world around_

_The hope that one day we'd be so much_

_More than friends_

_And I don't wanna know the price I'm _

_Gonna pay for dreaming_

_When even now it's more than I can take_

_**Please review…**_

**Yes…even I cried writing this**

So where does this leave them? Could they survive this? I hope so…

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